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Awkward - how to corrupt my DP

82 replies

LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 09/06/2018 09:35

OK this is a bit of an awkward sex one guys so I've NC. No pisstaking please im looking for some genuine help.

Basically i love my DP; everythings great, EXCEPT - I'm getting bored in bed. We've only been together 1.5 years but he's not the most imaginative.

The problem is I'm used to quite enterprising men, so whilst im open and willing I'm not used to having to instigate anything that strays off the vanilla path.

So I've ordered a few things but really dont know how to go about introducing them. I know he will definitely be open to new stuff its just a question of how do I introduce it? Any ideas for getting the ball rolling?

Heres what I bought:
Paddle (ive actually never used one before)
Tape (basically seems to work like ties or handcuffs but i thought the tape would be more rough n ready than the other two)

I also bought a kind of sexy leather dress thing from ann summers.

Just FYI i am absolutely not interested in being the dominant one, im interested in him using the stuff mentioned above but i just have no idea how to introduce it or get the ball rolling. I mean surely i cant just plonk it down on the bed in the middle of getting down with it, and be like "there you go".

Im quite into role playing and i have tested this out on DP before (i pretended to be an escort) and he goes with it which is good. So maybe im looking for some sort of scenario i can instigate?

One way i thought of doing this is we live in a massive block of flats with a shared basement and our own garage which he uses every day. Am thinking i could move things down there and stage something? But how?

Any ideas from anyone more experienced, as i said i have no experience being the instigator and i dont think he has any experience at all in this kind of thing so just worried it will be awkward/feel stupid.

OP posts:
BlueTrousers · 09/06/2018 09:38

Are you sure he’s into this kind of thing?
I would turn myself inside out with cringe if DP ever put on a leather outfit whipped out a paddle and asked me to shag him in the garage!
I mean, we’re not totally vanilla but that’s like, double chocolate fudge caramel with marshmallows, whipped cream and a cherry on top
Maybe ease him in a bit gentler? Have some chats about fantasies and see if you’re on the same page first?

spannablue · 09/06/2018 09:42

Talk to him! Wait for a moment when you're both happy and relaxed an have the time. Then say something like 'I thought we couls spice things up a bit so I've bought some toys!' Get them out and try one at a time, on each other if he wants to- if you want him to paddle you he needs to know how it feels. Play around and have a giggle- then do something simple like just adding in a few spanks or just use the tape whilst not changing anything else. Once you're both hapoy with the toys' properties you can get more creative. There are lots of books put there too- get a simple '101' or beginners guide and look at it together. Key is informed consent and don't take yourselves too seriously. Have fun!

GloGirl · 09/06/2018 09:43

There's a sex topic that might be better to post in but I think it's a bit much to go from vanilla sex straight to bondage (albeit light).

BonnieF · 09/06/2018 09:48

Why the sexist assumption that men have to be the instigators?

If you want to ‘spice things up’, what’s wrong with instigating yourself?

Equality works both ways!

LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 09/06/2018 09:48

God well thats an eye opener, so people actually think this is quite kinky then?!

I do know he would go with it, he's just shy talking about stuff. I had to press and press him into telling me about any preferences/fetishes (hr claimed he had none) and then he finally admitted "leather". Plus there are small indicators ive had that he would be into a slight amount of dominance.

The reason i was thinking of staging something in the basement is i thought it would be better for both of us to feel less awkward if it was outside "real life" if you get me. I think he's too "prudish" to actually talk about it but wont have a problem when it comes to doing it.

OP posts:
LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 09/06/2018 09:50

Im not being sexist, just saying that was my experience so far, and now yes indeed, i will need to be the instigator

OP posts:
lifeisaboutcreatingyourself · 09/06/2018 09:50

Speak about your fantasies and sexual pleasures over a bottle of wine?

Or you could both write down 10 things you want to try and then swap notes etc

But there needs to be some dialogue, especially if you are doing light bondage and make sure you discuss your hard limits

GeekyWombat · 09/06/2018 10:02

I don't think this is that kinky, but I think leading him down to the garage is a bit of a full on way to start.

Can you not just chat to him and say you've picked up these things cause you saw them? If you know he'll like the dress than maybe wear that to start with and then start a discussion from there over the other bits.

If you want him to dominate you, you need to be able to have an actual conversation about it - he needs to know what you're envisaging that to mean in broad terms so he doesn't go too far (or not far enough!) and you need to know he's up for it.

Is there a film with sex scenes you find hot you could watch together (NOT Fifty Shades)? Secretary maybe, or Out of Sight (from what I remember there's bondage in that, but not spanking). Something that could kick start a discussion?

theredjellybean · 09/06/2018 10:05

i dont think what your suggesting is very kink at all..and certainly not that far from vanilla ( but dp and i are both very adventurous so my idea of vanilla might be someone elses caramal chocolate sundae!)

but agree start slowly, dont scare the poor boy off.
maybe you could start with the leather dress....i would have tried something like waiting for him to be down in the garage and you come down in the leather dress and just drape yourself provactively about ..maybe over a work bench or bend over him and ask him to show you what he is doing etc..all a bit cliched but who cares, it could be ever so much fun.
Maybe you could chuck in some real innuendos..

' oh what is that big tool you are using '...for it all with a cheeky smile and twinkle in your eye so he knows it is fun and you recognise the clicheness of it all.

if that works...afterwards or next time your in bed you could make the suggestion that as you were so 'naughty' distracting him in the garage maybe you need a spank ?
paddles are a bit extreame if he has never spanked maybe you need a bit of light smacking first and to get into the groove of how to hint/suggest and bring these things into your sex life

LannieDuck · 09/06/2018 10:07

If he's already indicated that he's into leather, wear the dress :) That would be a good starting point.

See how it goes, and maybe tell him you quite fancy having a play with some props, how would he feel about that? I suggest talking before you spring anything on him.

LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 09/06/2018 10:08

Thank you this is excellent, just the kind of tip I needed for how to encourage it in an organic way!

Agree with you all i should start with the dress

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CourtneyLovely · 09/06/2018 10:08

Are you sure he didn't just say leather to stop you asking him? Not everyone has fetishes and fantasies.

My DP is straight vanilla. I like a knickerbocker glory. We usually just have a few sprinkles and a cherry. Sometimes we have plain vanilla, sometimes we have a whole sundae but mainly we compromise with the sprinkles.

I want ice cream now and it's only 10.08am! And that's not a euphemism - I want ice cream 😆

Xenia · 09/06/2018 10:09

I suspect this should have been gone into before you got very far in going out together. Well just now show him the stuff. He might well be keen.

LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 09/06/2018 10:10

Possibly....I just couldnt believe a person wouldnt have SOME kind of preference or fetish?!

I mean surely everyone has particular images they will fantasise about/wank to? So clearly everyone does have some kind of fetish - even if its really vanilla.

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Pannalash · 09/06/2018 10:13

Pink ‘shag him in the garage’ is that a euphemism Grin

LannieDuck · 09/06/2018 10:13

Also, you say that tape is more 'rough and ready' than handcuffs - have you tried handcuffs with him already? Did he enjoy it? If so, yes to the tape.

If not, perhaps handcuffs are a more obvious pace to start than tape?

AbsolutelyBeginning · 09/06/2018 10:14

Can't you just try some new sexual positions? Introducing paddles and tape to a pretty vanilla guy seems a bit "out-there" to me.

At the same time, you probably should realise you aren't going to change him much. You've been with him 1.5 years so he naturally assumes you're happy with things the way they are.

I am not sure he will change much anyway. It would be like trying to get a strong, silent type to become a social butterfly, I think. It would put a relationship under strain.

If adventurous sex is very important to you, perhaps you're not compatible?

LiitleAce · 09/06/2018 10:20

I'd just lay the stuff out on the bed and wear the leather thing. Not to difficult to put 2+2 together for him

CaitlynsCat · 09/06/2018 10:23

You appear to have accidentally posted in AIBU instead of Sex.

Wanderlusting99 · 09/06/2018 10:25

As you say tape is more rough and ready, if that's not something he's used to using wide ribbon or scarves etc is a much less intimidating way to introduce him. As you say, you've never used a paddle before, stick with what you know you like? If this doesn't work it will knock his confidence to try again, you need to discover what works for both of you. No it's not wildly kinky, you can get any of that on the high street and while Granny might go a bit pale your best mate probably wouldn't bat an eyelid, but if you've never strayed off the straight and narrow it seems pretty wild, it's finding a level that works for you together gradually.

LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 09/06/2018 10:38


I like the idea of a (silk type) scarf as an introduction to the tying up, plus its easy to incorporate into the outfit. Thanks!

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ReanimatedSGB · 09/06/2018 10:40

Do either of you like books/reading? If you do, maybe pick up some erotica anthologies (I will claim piano tuner privilege and make you some recommendations if you like), flick through them, you can tell him if you find a story you particularly like and he can do the same for you. That's often a good safe unscary way of starting the discussion - and reading erotic fiction can also make you realise that something you had never heard of before is actually quite appealing.


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Nikephorus · 09/06/2018 10:45

Am I the only one thinking 'it's going to be painful when you rip the tape off afterwards', and wincing slightly?

LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 09/06/2018 10:47

This is tape you can get from ann summers that apparently doesnt stick to your skin (????).
Tried the dress on and it does look good!
I'm going to go for it tomorrow eve when he gets back from work

OP posts:
LustfulInMiltonKeynes · 09/06/2018 10:49

Im a big reader but the only thing he will read are motorbike magazines. Think strong silent working class hero type...

OP posts:
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