Awkward - how to corrupt my DP

[LustfulInMiltonKeynes]

OK this is a bit of an awkward sex one guys so I've NC. No pisstaking please im looking for some genuine help.

Basically i love my DP; everythings great, EXCEPT - I'm getting bored in bed. We've only been together 1.5 years but he's not the most imaginative.

The problem is I'm used to quite enterprising men, so whilst im open and willing I'm not used to having to instigate anything that strays off the vanilla path.

So I've ordered a few things but really dont know how to go about introducing them. I know he will definitely be open to new stuff its just a question of how do I introduce it? Any ideas for getting the ball rolling?

Heres what I bought:
Paddle (ive actually never used one before)
Tape (basically seems to work like ties or handcuffs but i thought the tape would be more rough n ready than the other two)

I also bought a kind of sexy leather dress thing from ann summers.

Just FYI i am absolutely not interested in being the dominant one, im interested in him using the stuff mentioned above but i just have no idea how to introduce it or get the ball rolling. I mean surely i cant just plonk it down on the bed in the middle of getting down with it, and be like "there you go".

Im quite into role playing and i have tested this out on DP before (i pretended to be an escort) and he goes with it which is good. So maybe im looking for some sort of scenario i can instigate?

One way i thought of doing this is we live in a massive block of flats with a shared basement and our own garage which he uses every day. Am thinking i could move things down there and stage something? But how?

Any ideas from anyone more experienced, as i said i have no experience being the instigator and i dont think he has any experience at all in this kind of thing so just worried it will be awkward/feel stupid.

.

Thanks for the laugh PinkBall.
And let's hope you don't scare him off, OP!

Sensitive topic, you can't just ask a man to be 'dominant'. They either are in bed, or they aren't. I would've spoken to him first about new things you're both open too, then looked online and ordered some stuff together- it might intimidate him just announcing you've bought these toys. He might not gain pleasure from 'hurting' you.

If you're into that, experiment yourself, have him f*ck you harder/ask him to spank you. That usually gets the ball rolling. :)

bondage tape isn't sticky and doesn't hurt when you remove it. apparently...

Right you need to start with a want/will/wont list as explained briefly in the video below, and then add stuff into each category to see if you are on the same track.

It is suggested you put 30 items in each list, and the video below details 150 different things you can do to help inspire your lists. It is an educational video, nothing dodgy by a sex educator Dr Lindsey Doe.

Monogamy board game

He might not gain pleasure from 'hurting' you.

Trouble I always have is "but I don't want to hurt you!" which is admirable in all other contexts!

I'm less into the pain aspect, more into the control aspect!

Hang on not got time to read the whole thread but did you say this is a shared basement ?
Bloody hell will be a shock for neighbours to find a full blown bondage room set up down there the next time they are looking for the kids bikes !

I'd be horrified with a partner who suddenly bought a paddle and leather.
You should have asked him before buying it-I presume the leather all in one has the gusset protector still intact …..

@flapjackfairy
Dont worry the garages down there are private 😂

Phew . Thats a relief ! Ha ha

what's a paddle?

what's a paddle?

It's a thing for spanking with - looks at bit like a very short oar/paddle, or a big one of those things they use to make butter pats in Victorian times.

Usually made from rubber, leather or wood, and designed so you don't get cuts etc.

When you say 'vanilla" do you mean missionary position with the lights out in bed, or no bondage and rp? Because there is an awful lot you can do inbetween to get him going. Seduce him in the kitchen or sex in the shower?

Thank you openinggambit I just knew once I googled it my computer / iPad would have adverts for various 'toys' and they would either give dh ideas or cause questions by dc!

@YoucancallmeVal
Its actually even worse than that (imo). His go to action is....and i cant believe im typing this....sex in spoon position (!!!!!!!).

Every other time i "mix things up" by getting on top or getting him to do it from behind or whatever, sure we've had sex in the basement, in the car, in the shower, but i mean im always the one mixing things up.

I was hoping that not only would this new foray into the world of light bondage appeal to my preferences, but also that it might inspire a more pro active approach in him.

Maybe not but its gotta be worth a try right? If it doesnt then i guess i will have to talk to him about it.

I dont know whether hes just lazy or a man of (very) simple tastes.

The monogamy board game might be a good place to start as a PP said- maybe get some drinks inside you / him too so you will feel more confident in saying what you would like to happen, and he might feel less awkward/able to speak out if he isn’t comfortable.

Obviously don’t get him plastered and then rock out the paddle, that’s not really pc

Me and my husband have a very kinky sex life, we both take it in turns to be dominant! If you want it using on you, put the dress on and go up to him with the stuff and tell him you want him to use it on you and vice versa if you're wanting to use it on him then go with the flow!

Maybe he's more into tantric esque?

How are you so sure he's definitely open to this? You had to pester and pester him to get him to just say "leather", which is the least inventive thing he could have said! It does sound more like he said that to get you to shut up about it. If you are always the one instigating other positions, then he always reverts back to "spoon", that suggests that he prefers "spoon." How enthusiastic was he with the role play? I would die of cringe if someone started role playing with me, but I might go along a bit with something basic just to not kill the mood. Just talk to him.

I agree that Monogamy is a good way to start - many other games go straight into the role play and toys, whereas Monogamy builds it up slowly.

@Planesmistakenforstars
OK well this post is going to be a bit TMI but here goes....

So with the escort role play he really did get into it and was playing along etc.

As for how i think i know he would be into the more dominating stuff....because of some of the stuff he says which is quite "dominant style" dirty talk, also a bit of slapping but see he always does this when it's "safe", aka when we've finished doing it, he does it almost jokingly we suggests to me that he's into that kind of thing but is too shy/awkward feeling to actually do it and roll with it in the moment.

I think libido & sexual preferences are so important & wonder why they aren’t discussed at the start of relationships as it’s so important. Sex & money are the two biggest causes of relationship break downs.

Hope you get what you’re looking for OP

@SoapOnARoap
I know i know, but heres the thing, he was actually grieving when we met, so it was difficult for me to tell what was just him and what was caused by grief