"If she didn't come, he didn't bang her hard enough"

[WickedLazy]

Said by male friend to me tonight. Or a variation of this. He said that he thought over 90% of the women he'd had sex with, had orgasamed just through penetration alone. I tried to explain how the clit works, and that most women can't orgasm without clit stimulation. I don't think he grasped what I was on about?

He argued that if you "bang a woman hard enough" she'll come. That's all it takes. Then he changed the subject. For me, just being pentrated for a long time can be quite tedious. And going harder or deeper isn't going to do much for me if it's past the 10 minute mark (10 mins of just pentration I mean). Are most of a womans nerves not in the first few inches of her vagina? This guy has a big penis, and I feel like he thinks that's all it takes? I imagine his technique outside penetration would be woeful.

So my questions, why do so many men not understand how to make a woman orgasm?? Is it ignorance, selfishness, indifference, or what? How likely is it this guy really made over 15 woman (that's a guess, possibly more) come just through penetration? I'm inclined to believe they've been faking it to spare his feelings? He also doesn't really believe in foreplay, or kissing during sex! Surely kissing and foreplay are what get most women ready for sex, are an integral part, and often how they orgasm? He said something once like "kissing is only for puppy love when you're a kid". Sex for him really seems to mean put penis in vagina and go.

Another question, do men generally actually enjoy foreplay, or is it something they tolerate to please the woman? Do they really want the kind of sex my mate seems to enjoy, but know that most women wouldn't tolerate that for long, would get sick of it, or don't want to be selfish?

[WickedLazy]

Not so much worried but what he said, but that he maybe says things out loud, that other men keep to themselves (but still think). That "she just needs/wants a good seeing too/banged" attitude. I do think he was being serious, (as in this is what sex actually is to him, not just bravado). I have had sex like this, and it is joyless and shit. As I said, been thinking a lot about sexism generally, and wondering is this just another aspect of it.

[OrangesAndLemonsOnly]

I agree with the pp that it’s a bit of jack the lad talk and male bravado, while in reality when one to one with his lady, he may demonstrate rather a different approach.

[JustAnIdiot]

In my experience men with big penises are more likely to think women are going to be almost at the point of orgasm just looking at it when in reality it rapidly becomes uncomfortable, especially if foreplay is lacking.

Nothing like some huge knob crashing into your ovaries to turn you right off.

I've had my best sex (so far ) with under-moderately endowed men

[MissWilmottsGhost]

I think some men talk like that when in all male groups, but then some hear it and men believe it. (Like football really. DH has learned enough about football to chat about it in all male groups, but actually finds it boring as fuck and never watches it at home. He says its just something to make small talk about with other men. It always makes me wonder how many other guys are doing the same, like in that scene from Trainspotting when the boys are talking about "football" and girls are talking about "shopping".)

Then again, OP, maybe he hears them groaning with discomfort and assumes enjoyment I do suspect modern porn has had some effect here, it is all just thrusting as PP said, and inexperienced guys must watch and think that's what women enjoy. The old worn out video tapes of 70s and 80s porn that I saw years ago contained a lot more foreplay, female masturbation and cunnilingus than the contemporary internet stuff DH and I tried to watch a few times when we were having IVF and had to perform on command, but ended up more put off than turned on by it He does sound like a selfish knob literally OP.

[MissWilmottsGhost]

Out of interest, OP, how do you know this guy has a big penis?

Is it because he said so?

I would assume he isn't nearly as experienced as he says.

[MissWilmottsGhost]

And I also suspect that when he says "over 90%" his sample size may not be statistically significant

[WickedLazy]

Another mutual friend (well, my friend, his aquaintence), had a one night stand with him years and years ago, and confirmed penis size.

[WickedLazy]

Actually now I think about it, the conversation went something like this, (knowing they'd been all over each other the night before, and went home together), I asked the next day, "so how did last night go?", "erm... he has a big you know what..?" (Said in the manner of someone clutching at straws for something positive to say). Then swift change of subject.

[JemimaLovesHamble]

I actually love it when people unwittingly reveal how clueless and shit in bed they are

I had one man tell me with absolute sincerity that women are incapable of reaching orgasm, it's a myth. And then he asked if he could have my friend's phone number. No thank you, I happen to like her!

Another didn't understand why his gf felt tight the first time they had sex and loose the next. He was suspicious that she'd had sex with someone with a "giant" penis in the last week. I explained tenting - how the walls of a vagina can draw back with arousal, but he wasn't having it...

[JemimaLovesHamble]

Edit, first sentence - people?? I definitely mean men.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I think that men often say things to other men that are designed to fit in with the jack the lad stereotype and are not necessarily what they think deep down ."

Oh definitely, but they also say things to their wives and girlfriends that will not offend them and present a different side of themselves. The truth is probably something in between.

[Graphista]

Sounds like my ex! Big dick = no skills!

Until me he'd only had ons, I did manage to educate him on what worked for me and how the female body worked (his idea of how the pill worked was hilarious!) but I still ended up with almost 11 years of no oral (I know - what was I thinking?)

I agree with several other posters, it's likely bullshit bravado, he may have a high "magic number" but how many came back for more of the same crap sex? If he performs as he claims of course.

In my experience age is not really a factor, I've slept with all ages year of birth from around mid 60's to early 80's and it seems to me more their personality, if they're selfish or not. But if they are selfish they're idiots because surely they're doing themselves out of more frequent and better sex and who doesn't want that?

Current fwb thoroughly enjoys foreplay, including mental teasing, which I think is very important the mind is the most powerful sexual organ.

All that said I am one of those women who does like it quite hard - sometimes. But yes I need to be feeling very aroused first. But then I'm "oddly arranged" inside so that might be why, eg my gspot seems higher up than most.

[Njordsgrrrl]

I think most men are like this deep down and Germaine Greer was right. We have very little idea how much they hate us. But we are brave. And optimistic. And sometimes that's pays off.

[Graphista]

Jemima no you were right first time. I'm bisexual and women have their faults too trust me. Makes me laugh when straight women despairing of men joke "fuck it I'm going lesbian" women can be just as thoughtless, intractable, and yes shit in bed too

[LyannaStarktheWolfMaid]

Ha I also think they were all faking so that he would leave them alone. What an idiot.

[dogfish1]

I think a lot of it depends on who you hang out with. Sounds like your colleagues are a bunch of tossers. I have been hanging out with a group of about 10 professional guys for around 20 years (am one) and haven't yet overheard the kind of conversation you mention. None of them has the levels of ignorance outlined here, and would be regarded as a moron if he did. In the sexual market place the onus is on men to satisfy women. If you don't, you don't usually get too many repeat performances. Generally, their tone in talking about their wives is more respectful than the other way round.
As to the alpha male stuff, hardly any women want a violent or selfish man. And hardly any want a weak, indecisive, unambitious one lacking in confidence, which is why they like to they like to test your mettle. Most attractive women won't tolerate either. So in that sense most women do want "real men", and many marry up if they can. I think blokes are less selective in this respect, although not in others.

[RestingGrinchFace]

I would imagine that it is the case that the poor women get so bored (like you said) that they just fake it. I must admit that I actually prefer minimal or ideally no clitoral stimulation. Generally don't like anything outside of penetrative sex and a bit of very basic foreplay (kissing, squeezing etc) but I know tat I am in the minority here. I do regularly tolerate more foreplay than I want or need for my husband's sake. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of men do too.

[dogfish1]

Njordsgrrrl equally, I think a lot of men would be surprised if they knew how much contempt many women have for them.

[LemonysSnicket]

Kissing is only for when you’re a kid?

I kiss DP about 100 times a day ... it’s my favourite kind of intimacy! Pecks, forehead kisses, snogs ... all variations are wonderful. ‘Banging’ me ridiculously hard would just hurt ... maybe he’s confusing orgasmic screams with cries of pain.

[GrooovyLass]

Have you ever watched straight porn? He'll grab her boobs, stick his finger inside, she'll give him a bj, penis goes in the vag and she immediately starts shrieking moaning in ecstasy. So men think that's all it takes.

I think good sex is give and take, as it were. I love to please DP (almost) as much as I like to orgasm myself. He's the same with me. I'm presuming that this is something that men learn as they get older and when they have sex with someone that they actually love!

[dogfish1]

Good foreplay is simply the best. Giving truly beats receiving.
That said, many men often have sex when they'd rather sleep, and spend ages in foreplay that is repetitive and makes your wrist feel like it's about to fall off because it's in some weird angular stress position. They don't usually complain about this, it's just gotta be done.

[Regularsizedrudy]

You need better friends

[WickedLazy]

For sure 😂😭

[TDHManchester]

As a man i can confirm that i hear no end of what i call "mantalk". There is a certain persona that men adopt when in a group. Its all about being one of the lads and fitting in. One essential is to be able to talk about football. If you can't talk football then you are at a severe disadvantage because it is an essential conversation starter and its almost like an entry pass to the club.

Women...well where i earn my crust, its quote male dominated. Sometimes women in the office get discussed.

Being a man is highly competitive at times. People can tend to exaggerate a little about a lot of things just to gain perceived status, whether its their car,their partner,where theyve been on holiday etc etc.


Another favourite,,alchohol,,what they drink,how much of it,,what a great night out they had,,blah blah blah..

I'm not one of that particular in crowd. I know next to fuck all about football save for where the goal keeper stands. I couldn't even begin to explain the offside rule. I was brought up on Rugby.

I can admire an attractive lady just like any other guy but i wouldn't be making lewd comments or oggling her.

Yes,it can be tough being a man,,there is so much bullshit to contend with.

[IfNot]

It's not just porn. Watch any film or drama; a couple have a very short passionate snog, then are immediately humping up against the wall, with her being all orgasmic. I'm always shouting "foreplay?!" at the telly. When ds is older I'm going to tell him that you cant just expect a few seconds of kissing and then shove it in! (Especially with a woman you haven't slept with before).
( I'm aware that he will put his hands over his ears in horror! )