Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

What can I say to him?

99 replies

Eral1234 · 15/08/2017 14:34

There have been a few occasions recently where my DP has struggled to maintain an erection. Once it is lost, he can't then get it back and has to come by masturbating himself into my mouth (his penis doesn't really get hard though when he is doing this).

He says that he is tired and this is why he can't sustain an erection.

The problem I've got is I really don't know how to handle this with him. I don't want to make a huge issue out of it but I just feel that I am a hole into which he masturbates. I don't want to make him feel bad so what do I say to him when it happens? Do I just keep telling him not to worry about it and pretending it isn't really happening - hopefully the problem might go away.

OP posts:

CremeFresh · 15/08/2017 14:47

It's not ok that he's managing to satisfy himself and it's making you feel rubbish. Refuse to do it anymore and suggests he sees his GP.

maccax · 15/08/2017 15:51

When similar happened to me sometime ago, without a moments hesitation she began to massage my legs and encouraged me to stroke her and play.......later, when it popped back up, she was on it!
Thing is, she said nothing about the softening and carried on with something else. Took my mind elsewhere and relieved the pressure so to speak.
Sometimes we don't want reassuring, we need distracting!
*assumes no ed medical issues.

IdentifiesAsASloth · 15/08/2017 15:56

Urgh, I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that at all. Yeah it can be sexy sometimes but it must soon get boring and irritating.

My first thoughts would be to find out what his porn use is like. If he is using too much it will affect his real life sex.
If that isn't a problem then he needs to go to the GP really as this can't continue.

What mac said is a good point. If he feels under pressure (even if it is only from himself) then that will have a big affect on him. Have you tried just playing around, lots of cuddling and touching etc?

Original poster

Eral1234 · 15/08/2017 15:58

maccax I did exactly that this morning but it didn't return. After an hour of doing other stuff in bed, he just masturbated over me.

Whilst I appreciate that he needs to get off, treating me as a masturbation receptacle every time makes me feel rubbish.

I will keep trying this approach for a while though.

OP posts:

Original poster

Eral1234 · 15/08/2017 15:59

sloth he does watch a lot of porn. He says he doesn't masturbate that often to it though. Could this really cause ED?

OP posts:

maccax · 15/08/2017 16:14

Too much porn = ed?
Absolutely.

PollyBanana · 15/08/2017 16:17

What did he do during that hour to give you satisfaction?

IdentifiesAsASloth · 15/08/2017 16:20

Yes it can. Real life sex is very different to porn and just won't match up to the fantasy of porn for a lot of men.

I have the feeling he's not been entirely truthful about his usage. You can't make him be honest or stop him from using it a lot. You are able to say you don't want to continue to do the mouth wanking though. If it's making you feel rubbish then it should stop immediately.

Original poster

Eral1234 · 15/08/2017 16:20

Not too much. Put it this way, he didn't go near my vagina. We spent time kissing, he spent some time touching my boobs then he asked me to just massage around his penis. Which I did.

OP posts:

BakerBear · 15/08/2017 16:21

Is he a new partner?

imjessie · 15/08/2017 16:21

Sounds grim, I wouldn't poke up with that!!

Farmerswife4life1984 · 15/08/2017 16:22

It's because of the porn ! He doesn't sound very nice to be honest . He sounds very selfish and doesn't seem bothered about your needs

Original poster

Eral1234 · 15/08/2017 16:24

No it's not a new relationship - we have been together for four years. He has had spells in the past where he has struggled to get it up but these have been short lived.

OP posts:

Nowthereistwo · 15/08/2017 16:26

Seems to think it's all about his pleasure. Porn will definitely contribute to that as well.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 15/08/2017 16:26

Nah that's no good, he's using you and being selfish! Nothing wrong with him losing his erection, and wanting to switch focus for a bit, but he's jacking off to porn all the time and starting to treat you like a porno he can just use instead of a woman he want to engage with.

Ropsleybunny · 15/08/2017 16:29

whilst I appreciate that he needs to get off, treating me as a masturbation receptacle every time makes me feel rubbish.

Not too much. Put it this way, he didn't go near my vagina. sad We spent time kissing, he spent some time touching my boobs then he asked me to just massage around his penis. Which I did.

So he masturbates into your mouth because he needs to relieve himself and your needs aren't considered at all?

I really wouldn't put up with that for a single minute.

SleightOfHand · 15/08/2017 16:30

He sounds selfish OP. He needs to address the porn issue, also get a check up at doctors to rule and medical problem out. I suspect it's too much porn and wanking. Whatever it is, don't do anymore stuff that's making you feel uncomfortable. How does he act towards you if you refuse, is this a long term relationship?

Isadora2007 · 15/08/2017 16:35

Sounds grim, I wouldn't poke up with that!!

Best autocorrect fail ever!!!

Seriously though OP... where is your pleasure in all this? Why can't he just stop when he loses his erection? Wanking off while still flaccid sounds horrible. And in your mouth? Grim.

Original poster

Eral1234 · 15/08/2017 16:41

Slieghtofhand I don't know how he acts, as I have never really refused him to do anything.

I suppose he is very selfish in bed. I'm not saying that he never satisfies me but I often have to ask for any pleasure - he thinks his penis is enough. I've raised lack of foreplay as an issue before but things are getting worse. I don't want him to lose his confidence so I try to avoid anything which could be taken as criticism.

He seems to think that I am absolutely enthralled by his penis and that I worship it! He even talks to it and it has a name.

I will see how it goes next time and perhaps insist on some of my own action!

OP posts:

PollyBanana · 15/08/2017 16:45

Maybe suggest that seeing you extremely aroused by use of his fingers and tongue might get his penis interested again?

IdentifiesAsASloth · 15/08/2017 16:45

No offence op but if you continue to see how it goes, or perhaps say something you are never going to feel happy or satisfied. You've said you don't like him wanking in to your mouth. It makes you feel rubbish, don't put up with it.

AristonAndOn · 15/08/2017 16:48

Enthralled by his penis! I hate to blame porn again, but so much of it is centred around the male being pleasured and with the sight of the penis the women are all ooh and ahh. It's not reality for me at least, I don't personally think they are quite ugly, but put up with it as part of mutual pleasuring. I think you need to have a non confrontational chat with him. It's a sensitive subject, but your physical and I would say emotional needs are not being met.

Sparkletastic · 15/08/2017 16:49

Oh god he really sounds like a crap shag. Given the porn stuff I'd stop facilitating his pleasure so much. If he loses his erection just leave him to it and then get your vibrator out for yourself. He can watch. Perhaps then his little chap will perk up.

debbs77 · 15/08/2017 16:51

Next time it happens just start playing with yourself while he watches. Encourage him to join in touching you. I bet it'll work+

imjessie · 15/08/2017 17:06

Wasn't autocorrected . I meant it sounds grim and I wouldn't poke up with it . Me and dh have been together 25 years and we have no issues like this . Honestly it's not supposed to be like this and he isn't treating you nicely at all!!

Flip

1 2 3 4

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.