What can I say to him?

[Eral1234]

There have been a few occasions recently where my DP has struggled to maintain an erection. Once it is lost, he can't then get it back and has to come by masturbating himself into my mouth (his penis doesn't really get hard though when he is doing this).

He says that he is tired and this is why he can't sustain an erection.

The problem I've got is I really don't know how to handle this with him. I don't want to make a huge issue out of it but I just feel that I am a hole into which he masturbates. I don't want to make him feel bad so what do I say to him when it happens? Do I just keep telling him not to worry about it and pretending it isn't really happening - hopefully the problem might go away.

He thought you liked it that way??
bullshit
He knows damn well what's going on, that's why he's so extremely defensive
What a vile piece of shit he is

other than my partner, I haven't really got anyone else in real life to talk to
This is why he feels he can get away with his dreadful behaviour
he thinks you have no support no one to help or empathize with you
guess it doesn't know about Mumsnet does he

"He is a very difficult person to have any kind of sensible conversation with. He is adept at changing the subject or distracting me."

This alone makes him sound like bad news.

Obfuscating.

My x had form for this. He took what i said and served it back to me with a different meaning. He also believed that because i was not perfect, i had no right to ever criticise him for his abuse of me.

You cant get through to these types.
You can only leave them to it

He always has to wank into your mouth? Is a standard wank not sufficient (I'm guessing he'd rather use your mouth because he doesn't have to wipe semen off himself that way )?

Please dump this selfish, horrible man.

Just tell him that you don't like it when he does that and find something else to do.

The fact he is looking down on you while cumming in your mouth lovely, tells you and every other person on here, just what he thinks of you.

You are not some back street sex worker and to top it off you don't even get paid for him to abuse you like this

Fuck this vile,creature off out of your life and go find your old friends for coffee

I couldn't stay in a relationship like that. I don't think you should put up with it either, he isn't being understanding in the slightest!

My DH (nearly 9 years) is always telling me that his favourite thing is giving me an orgasm.

We had another discussion yesterday and he got really defensive about his porn use. He says that he hardly watches it now and that I have obviously been reading things on the internet that are poisoning my mind.

He told me that I am way out of line. I tried to discuss again what it was that I wanted out of sex and he couldn't understand what I wanted. So I burst into tears and have walked out.

It's clear that I'm not going to get what I need from our sex life so my choices are either put up with the porn sex or leave. I've left. He was awful to me yesterday and when I was crying he didn't try to comfort me he just said I don't like it when you cry.

I don't think he knows how to have normal loving sex. Or he is frightened to have it.

Thanks for your help everyone. I'm so sad my life has ended up like this.

Well done. Once the shock passes i dont think you will miss him.

Don't take him back op. He is a controlling manipulative bastard and he doesn't care about you. You'll meet someone else and make some good friends and wonder why you ever wasted your time on him.

Well done for being so strong and focused Eral.

Things are going to improve, just wait. You e learnt a lot about yourself and relationships. This is a great thing. You deserve so much more.

He didn't want to understand. I'm sure you'd be happy to spell it out to a willing listener but he isn't one.

Well done for staying strong. It is so hard to leave when you already feel lonely. Now you can engage in some decent masturbation without being body shamed for it or expected to repeatedly receive semen in your face.

If he doesn't care about you enough to put in the effort to meet any of your needs then you did the right thing by leaving
He doesn't want a sexual relationship where there is mutual enjoyment and reciprocity he just wants to get off and use your body to do so

And your life hasn't ended up...it was just a part of the journey
now you're on your way to somewhere else😊

I am genuinely cheering in my head. Congratulations!!!

This is the start of your life, I'm so so happy for you. He honestly sounds absolutely awful. I'm sad you don't know how awful he is. Most men are so much better than this. Exciting timeto come (pun partly intended!) for you

My ex was incredibly selfish when it came to sex (no ed issues or porn involved). It's soul destroying. He had no interest in my needs at all. Went through a phase (after years of shit sex) where I insisted I was satisfied first or else he wouldn't be. He'd get bored after 30 seconds, made it obvious he wasnt interested. If I did it myself he'd be watching the clock (or the tv!) and huff and puff!

I put up with that crap for 14 years. The last year I refused sex as I was getting nothing from it so why should he.

I think you've been more than patient and if trying to talk to him has done nothing then I'd say it's time to move on. Life's too short!

He's now my ExH and I'm now with my second husband who's the polar opposite to ex!

Be proud Eral1234 you deserve better than that. Do not look back and when you are ready for a new relationship make sure you stick to your boundaries from the beginning.

Well done op, it's clear he doesn't care for you in more ways than one. You can and will find someone who will treat you with respect.

Eral head over to thE relationships board as I bet he doesn't let you give up that easily.

While there change your passwords and password protect everything. I'd assume from his comments he has read this thread.

Hello Mr Ex Eral. You are are a fucking sad wanking loser who will die unmourned in a paupers grave.

As you were

What an absolute tosser! Great news you've dumped the sad floppy wanker. I hope you meet a really generous lover very soon.

Hope you're well OP. You deserve so much better than this crap.

Also hoping OP is well. You sound like a lovely thoughtful person.