What can I say to him?

[Eral1234]

There have been a few occasions recently where my DP has struggled to maintain an erection. Once it is lost, he can't then get it back and has to come by masturbating himself into my mouth (his penis doesn't really get hard though when he is doing this).

He says that he is tired and this is why he can't sustain an erection.

The problem I've got is I really don't know how to handle this with him. I don't want to make a huge issue out of it but I just feel that I am a hole into which he masturbates. I don't want to make him feel bad so what do I say to him when it happens? Do I just keep telling him not to worry about it and pretending it isn't really happening - hopefully the problem might go away.

Never heard of that saying- sorry! Assumed you mean put up!

It's not nice is it... poor OP

No it's not nice , I feel for her but I do think some women accept it because they don't know it's not supposed to be like this !

Thank you everyone. I think I am being too much of a doormat in bed. A lot of it is my fault though - I often pretend I'm satisfied because I'm worried I'm taking too long.

Another thing I have noticed is that when he fingers me he will immediately afterwards go and wash his hands. He is given me oral about five times in fours years. It's like he is disgusted by my vagina. Before anyone asks, I keep clean and have no medical issues (BV etc) so it's not that.

Horrible. He sounds totally selfish and really bad in bed. Dont put up with this any longer.

Sorry OP but that is awful. Decent partners make sure you come, by whatever means, the majority of the time. What other good qualities does he have? Because he sounds like a shit sexual partner.

Well he doesn't have to give you oral sex if he doesn't like it, but it does sound as if the bigger picture is that he really isn't keen on real life vaginas.

Have you talked about any of this together?

He is a very difficult person to have any kind of sensible conversation with. He is adept at changing the subject or distracting me.

I will see what happens when we next have sex and take it from there. The current situation is unacceptable but I don't want to be the person who dents his confidence, as his penis is extremely important to him.

You need to have a frank conversation with him OP, his penis is very important to him yes as I guess it is with most men, but so is your vagina/clitorus/breasts/erogenous zones
He needs to pay attention to you too!!!
Surely he'll get off on the fact that you do!
Again him not giving you oral I think is a bigger excuse for being lazy! It doesn't matter what your vagina looks like (mine looks different now after two children) than it did 17 years ago! But my OH loves going down on me! Because it's intimacy between us!

You need to express your feelings too OP sorry if it's blunt but his dick isn't the only thing that's at steak here, so is your sexual happiness!

He seems to think that I am absolutely enthralled by his penis hmm and that I worship it! He even talks to it and it has a name.

Sorry but what a monumental twat he is!

Oh for God's sake, why do women pussyfoot around men's cocks like this ?

He is shit in bed. You are not in a fulfilling sexual relationship. Worshipping his dick is the best you are going to get.

Why are you protecting his feelings when he doesn't give a fuck about yours ?

Leave him to his cumshot porn and go find a real man. You are wasting your life.

Why are you protecting his feelings when he doesn't give a fuck about yours ?

Exactly this. This sounds totally awful OP. Why are you agreeing to this? Sounds like he's managed to intimidate you into being a sex toy. Do you ever feel you've been violated? Raped? I wouldn't be surprised if you're storing up trauma issues for yourself being treated like this.

Get out.

He sounds awful, and possibly gay?

Have you not made the connection that most porn end with a man masturbating himself into a woman's mouth?
He isn't interested in touching or pleasing you?
He gets soft and never really hard?

Porn is a man using a woman as a sperm deposit unit. There is no foreplay, no kissing, no proper pleasure for the woman besides being rammed in every orifice by the master godlike penis, which provides endless pleasure, and then he masturbates into her mouth or on her. The end.

Get some self respect. If he cannot get hard, you have no sex. If you dislike him doing that into your mouth, stop it. If you dislike the lack of orgasms, give yourself some and stop engaging in sexual activity with him. Please stand up for yourself, reading this is so sad.

The more you post the worse he sounds ! He is a selfish prick and doesn't care about your needs ! As long as he gets off that's all that matters- right ? Sorry op but your flogging a dead horse unless he addresses his porn issue and stops being a selfish test in bed

Twat not test

I've actually had my eyes opened to how messed up our relationship is today. I came on here asking for advice as to how not hurt his feelings but have received lots of helpful perspectives from people who have experienced normal relationships.

Lots of new stuff to think about. Thanks.

I hope you feel able to use the advice Eral. Your feelings count too.

OP, you should be able to be yourself with your partner, it's clear that you don't feel able to be who you are and say what you feel, this is just not how things are supposed to be in a loving relationship. I hope you can get out of this situation and be happy. Best wishes.

What can you say to him? I'd say just one thing 'why don't you seem remotely interested in my pleasure'
You really deserve better op

It sounds like a totally unbalanced relationship, you aren't allowed wants / desires but yet his 'feelings' are prioritised above all else, like his 'mighty penis'.

Happy relationships are equal relationships with honest communication. This sounds like porn turned into a 'relationship' as per wowbutter's analysis.

Also I wouldn't be happy being with a man so immature he can't accept constructive criticism / discussion. In any area. Urgh. There are plenty of actual grown ups out there to have a relationship with.

Hope you feel better soon OP and do consider counselling. I wasn't joking when I said this sounds like an abusive and traumatic set up.

Life is too short for shit sex, if he isnt open to exploring new techniques that work for you too then he is not worth wasting time on. The losing the erection in its self is not a problem but waking a soft penis into your mouth while making no attempt to pleasure you is not on.

What would he do if you started masturbating yourself next tine he goes soft?

That sounds grim. He should be thinking about your pleasure too. Does he not care about pleasing you at all?

To answer a PP's question - I have tried in the last to just pleasure myself in front of him but he jumped out of bed and said we didn't have enough time for that and that I had to get ready.

He is a complete wanker (excuse the pun) isn't he?

Yes he is a complete wanker
he knows exactly what he's doing
he's manipulating things so that he gets what he wants and he doesn't have to make the effort to make sure you get what you want

He's leveraging the shit out of your reluctance to hurt his feelings

I predict that even if you do try to solve this problem he will promise that he'll devote hours to your pleasure
giving you this that and the other thrill
but when it comes down to it you get sweet fa