My partners penis never moves at the sight of me

[xxdriftwoodxx]

Hi all
After being together a few years and living with no sex due to my partner having ED, I was shocked to find out he'd been meeting men usually not always dressed as women, for oral sex. On the site he put down his. Moments in the meets with these people. We separated them got back together December 2015. We had a few attempts of sex where I had to dress up to get him aroused.
But since then nothing happens.
I miss the vulnerability of being sexually close to a person I love, in fact it's eating me alive.
Last year on a rare day we had sex, he asked if we could get a third person to join us.
16 months later, I am beginning to resent my bloke, he's no natural instinct to want sex with me and he says at our age middle 50,s im expecting too much if I hope for a normal regular sex life!
I'm ready to explode as I feel I being unfair, am I?
Please I really don't know any more and it's affecting me as I feel like I am the bad person xx

I forgot to add in the 16 months we've been to a Counselor who listened to my partner and suggested he's got ED and I needed to be patient,
Patient!
He jerks off in the shower instead of coming near me,
Please only sensible answers and advice,,,,,,, shouldn't my blokes bits move sometimes at the sight of me or if close to me naked,,,,, I have no reaction what so ever.
Losing my mind as I feel I am being unreasonable ..🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Did the counsellor not discuss the fact that your partner was meeting men for sex? That would seem fairly important to discuss to me.

Couldn't read and run, so I'm going to tell you exactly what I would tell any of my friends. It's perfectly normal and healthy to want to have sex with your partner. You are absolutely not expecting too much in wanting to feel wanted, loved and desired by your partner.

Has your dp seen a doctor or anyone for his issues?

It sounds like he's gay and not sexually attracted to women I would get out now don't waste any time

I would think he is gay as well. Sorry

I couldn't live like this OP. He's basically lying to you. It's cruel.

In a nutshell your DP does not want you sexually.
What do you both get out of being together?

He's getting blow jobs from other blokes ffs.
I think your relationship is over to be honest, wld you even still want to have sex with him?
You not getting sex is the least of the problems here.

you're pushing water up hill there OP

He's gay.

Wow OP. The answer is pretty obvious.

You break up with him, and move on.

Hi
He said he went to blokes as guys as it was for extra excitement .
He says he felt useless as he said he had erectile dysfunction and he needed to know it worked.
He's not been drawn to this life for 16 months but went on for two years until I found out.
The counsellor agreed after talking to my partner in private, that he wasn't gay, possibly bisexual but maybe had a sex addiction .
After weeks of questions seierateky we had couples counselling, it was decided our lack of sex was down to me putting my partner under pressure. Yes every few months I brought up the subject but I had to didn't I?
So we were having lessons how to have time together as he'd said e only new how to do cold sex.
Thing was we never made the date nights which wasn't supposed to be about sex.
My main question is,,,......... how many of your male partners penis,s don't just say hello at the sight of your body at some stage ???
I've not seen his lift unless I dressed up but then he had to finish himself off,,,,, that's not the sign of a man with Etectile dysfunction.
I'm not ugly but he had been married 3 times previously and split up after he'd had affairs with females.
Seems I am the issue.
Yes there are other ways to have intimacy but if he had the need to seek others and not me now when he's not meeting anyone surely it's me who is the issue.
I know many will think I'm barmy as I've posted before last year but after the counselling and by what my partner insists, that he not only loved me but fancies me, I'm totally lost as what to think ,

How do you feel about him OP? Aside from the sex.

At first when I thought he'd got ED, I was in love with him regardless. When I found out about the secret sex life and he cried I still loved him and I wanted to carry on.
16 months after finding out I'm not sure wether the situation is sinking in,
If he had Ed or genuinely couldn't or didn't want sex, I'd live with that no problem. Knowing he had the urge to want sex and chooses not to come near me is really changing the feelings of the relationship to that more of best friends to be honest.
I am still a person who needs a filling relationship, I know to younger people you'll probably think I should be happy in my situation as it's better than being alone but in reality it's a daily rejection and it's hurtful.
Knowing my partner would rather abstain from sex than with me and make me feel I am wrong to have a desire to be closer than we are is treated as though I'm a nymphomaniac ?
Guess at 55 it's a lottery as to what I do .
😜

Can't believe what I'm reading here. He doesn't have ED, he doesn't want sex with you - but he does want sex with men.
Why are you wasting your life with him?

It seems his sexual fantasies are out of control if he has to get off in different ways. Hence the sex addiction for other forms of sexual pleasure. He may well be bi sexual and explains the threesome suggestion. The dressing up for arousal is also another flag. On the kink scale he could be 6+ and needs more than just vanilla sex.
If sex therapy hasn't worked then its obvious that you are incompatible and you need to e-thin your relationship.

I'd rather be alone than be treated like this.

Youve got no chance for the relationship you crave here anyway.

I don't see how the counsellor is qualified to make assessments of your husband's sexuality.

Without wanting to sound base, do you froth every time you see him?

Men from the age of around 12-16, get hard at ridiculous things like being on a bus & then it regulates itself. I wouldn't get hard just looking at a woman for instance, it's the desire around it that stimulates everything. If I go say 2-3 day without sex, I think about it more. I know what I'm trying to say!

He's having oral sex with men and doesn't want to have sex with you. The counsellor took this information and decided he was bisexual or addicted to sex??

Did he tell you that's what the counsellor said?

He's gay, OP. Don't waste your time here.

Straight blokes don't want other men to give them blow jobs. Straight women don't want other women to go down on them. He's either bi sexual or he's gay. No two ways about it. Dressing as a woman to meet men is a whole other thing.

Bottom line is he can love you but not want you that way. So you need to decide how important sex is for you. Is the lack of it a deal breaker or can you live without it and live with him cheating. Because it's not going to change. He's not suddenly going to get all interested. Ths is the way it is, and it's your decision on if it's enough for you.

He's not attracted to you I'm afraid. I doubt it's personal, it sounds like he's gay.

He doesn't have ED and he's not a sex addict. He can get it up for men and if he was a sex addict, you would be on here complaining of the opposite problem.

He's gay op. You both need to accept this so you can get on with your life! He seems to be using you as a beard (so he appears straight) but really, he is not heterosexual.

You don't have to resign yourself to this, but you're not going to get anywhere when you're treated like a sex pest.My advice is to leave him so you can find someone else to have a sexual relationship with.

There is a lot of undue blame being placed on you. Very unfair. I would get out.

Are there other reasons why he is with you and won't admit to the truth? E.g. Do you own the house you both live in and are funding him? He is clearly gay and is getting his kicks elsewhere (most women would have ended the relationship by now) yet he is still maintaining that he wants to be with you. What does he have to lose?