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Sex

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Original poster

My partners penis never moves at the sight of me

90 replies

xxdriftwoodxx · 08/04/2017 21:15

Hi all
After being together a few years and living with no sex due to my partner having ED, I was shocked to find out he'd been meeting men usually not always dressed as women, for oral sex. On the site he put down his. Moments in the meets with these people. We separated them got back together December 2015. We had a few attempts of sex where I had to dress up to get him aroused.
But since then nothing happens.
I miss the vulnerability of being sexually close to a person I love, in fact it's eating me alive.
Last year on a rare day we had sex, he asked if we could get a third person to join us.
16 months later, I am beginning to resent my bloke, he's no natural instinct to want sex with me and he says at our age middle 50,s im expecting too much if I hope for a normal regular sex life!
I'm ready to explode as I feel I being unfair, am I?
Please I really don't know any more and it's affecting me as I feel like I am the bad person xx

OP posts:

Patchouli666 · 09/04/2017 16:43

You poor thing. This is nothing to do with you. You are just the wrong sex. He can't get it up for you or any woman. The councillor you saw saying he wasn't gay, was maybe bisexual but prob had a sex addiction is so far wide of the mark even superman couldn't see the mark. You are far too young to have a relationship like this.

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 09/04/2017 16:49

The Counselor made he conclusion after she'd spoken with my partner as he insisted to her that he finds me sexually attractive and aroused by me. He also told her he woke with a morning glory which I haven't seen in the mornings .
We had 3 weeks each of intense questions about our pasts then we had our counsellingtogether after the information was collated.
I'm afraid we didn't go to many after as I felt the counsellor believed my partner about his ED, she seemed to dismiss his past secret life as though that was his was if testing his parts.
She talked about living with ED ,,,, I saw red as I felt my partner was being treated as though he was the victim so to speak .

OP posts:

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 09/04/2017 16:51

It's his house, he has nothing to lose apart from another relationship .
I've tried pushing him but he's holding on to us no matter what I say which is confusing me 😆

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 09/04/2017 16:53

Stop wasting your time. I cannot believe how much shit you have put yourself through. You know he is gay. Both of you need to accept this and split as amicably as possible so you can both find some fulfilment before it is too late.

AnyFucker · 09/04/2017 16:55

It doesn't matter what he says. This is not a relationship, it is a farce. You are no more than a domestic appliance to him. He fancies you about as much as he fancies the tumble drier.

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 09/04/2017 16:55

I understand what you mean, but there is no interest at all, it stays well and truly hidden and Never flinches,
I'm not so unrealistic but to not firm at all, wether I'm undressing? Or naked or in the shower or sleeping next to him without any clothes on there is no stirring of his loins at all.🌻

OP posts:

itsmine · 09/04/2017 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GruffaloPants · 09/04/2017 17:53

The counsellor has offered an opinion, but it has no more validity than a friend chipping in.

What do you get out of this relationship OP? Sex, genuine friendship, and respect seem to be lacking. What's the point? You're only 55. How are you going to feel in 20 years time?

LostAtSea2 · 09/04/2017 18:19

For clarity.....morning glory is nothing to do with sexual attraction. It just happens

LostAtSea2 · 09/04/2017 18:26

For what it's worth I think he is gay as well...or at least bi. I suspect he may be in denial though approaching men dressed as women (sometimes).

I'm male and if I did that kind of thing (and believe me I couldn't even understand why I would) I would have to have some attraction to men

I'm sorry but all I can see you getting out of this relationship if you stay is heartache and a lack of answers.

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 09/04/2017 18:46

I have got to the point where previously I'd put all this behind us and I was prepared to try to get some normality with us, this kept me going.
Now I find I am reliving what he did as now knowing we don't have a sex life , no let me change that, it's not the lack of sex as I can sort myself out but it's not making love with the person I love.
Knowing he just hadn't got it in him to turn to me anytime , randomly he won't,
In the first few months we did, I did think it was cold then nothing ,
We've tried since I found out but it's like booking a holiday so clinical that I have given up trying and he now blames me.
You can take a horse to water but you can't force it to drink , I realise that so I've given up.
Last time I gave up trying or mentioning anything he went else where !
So I'm wondering,
I feel this is changing me, I'm into as nice as I was, I feel I am losing my marbles...... am I being shallow ?

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/04/2017 18:51

I honestly don't understand why you both just brushed the cheating under the carpet and act like it's no big deal? He doesn't even seem particularly apologetic about it.

redshoespurplehat · 09/04/2017 19:03

So if your friendship is good and you like living together and appearing to all as a couple, and it's just the intimate side of things that are off track, how would he (and you) feel if you looked elsewhere for that side of things? Would that be a compromise? Or can you not see yourself living life like that ?
Ladies can go to places for intimate pleasure too you know!

Lemonnaise · 09/04/2017 19:08

It's not you OP...sounds like your DP is gay. Why on earth are you putting up with his cheating?

noego · 09/04/2017 19:13

My penis is moved to tears by this thread. He is gay and hasn't come out of the closet. He keeps you around for appearances sake. Give him the ultimatum. He is getting his rocks off elsewhere while you are the dutiful wifey sitting at home. Go and have some fun girl. do what he is doing. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Talk to him about open relationships and see his reaction

itsmine · 09/04/2017 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 09/04/2017 19:30

It's like talking to a brick wall

LanaorAna1 · 09/04/2017 19:34

He's gay with expensive habits. You're the cleaner and a bargain.

noego · 09/04/2017 19:37

actually I take that back what I said. He would probably want to watch :(

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 09/04/2017 20:34

You are right he would want to watch, that's why he wanted threesome .
I see how I look . 😆

OP posts:

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 09/04/2017 20:37

I am considering the replies that people have kindly posted.
I am mulling it all over, it's a lot to consider and you're right hearing my thoughts from others is sinking in.
If it was so simple from my side I wouldn't have posted.

OP posts:

zeeboo · 09/04/2017 20:38

Why do you keep saying he has ED when he clearly doesn't? You can't receive a blow job without an erection. He can get erect when he wants to so he doesn't have a medical problem.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 20:46

No he has not got ed op and was it another man he wanted to join you? Because if so I very much doubt that is about wanting to watch.

AnyFucker · 09/04/2017 20:53

He doesn't want to watch you getting shagged by another man

He wants to get fucked himself. By a bloke with a cock. You are superfluous.

I feel like I have to escalate my language to get you to listen. Which feels shit, like I am deliberately trying to hurt you.

Why aren't you getting it ? Do you think that gay men can be turned by the sight of a vagina ?

ThoraGruntwhistle · 09/04/2017 21:12

You obviously don't want accept that he's attracted to men, not women. It's not you, it's him. He wants an extra person there because then there's a man for him to look at. There is no dysfunction in his erections, it's just that he isn't interested in lady bodies.

Are you starting to come to terms with this? I do feel awfully sorry for you, but you have a gay partner and there's nothing you can do about it except leave him and find a heterosexual man who is attracted to you.

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