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Sex

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Original poster

My partners penis never moves at the sight of me

90 replies

xxdriftwoodxx · 08/04/2017 21:15

Hi all
After being together a few years and living with no sex due to my partner having ED, I was shocked to find out he'd been meeting men usually not always dressed as women, for oral sex. On the site he put down his. Moments in the meets with these people. We separated them got back together December 2015. We had a few attempts of sex where I had to dress up to get him aroused.
But since then nothing happens.
I miss the vulnerability of being sexually close to a person I love, in fact it's eating me alive.
Last year on a rare day we had sex, he asked if we could get a third person to join us.
16 months later, I am beginning to resent my bloke, he's no natural instinct to want sex with me and he says at our age middle 50,s im expecting too much if I hope for a normal regular sex life!
I'm ready to explode as I feel I being unfair, am I?
Please I really don't know any more and it's affecting me as I feel like I am the bad person xx

OP posts:

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 09/04/2017 21:52

No I don't think that, I'm torn between what I believe from the evidence , what I've been told and the relationship counselling we had.
Guess I don't trust my gut instinct..

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 22:24

Op, uou know full well he lied to the councillor, you basically said it yourself..remember the morning glory comment? The councillors conclusions are not valid as they are based on lies.

Also forget what he tells you, the reality is what it is, there is no two ways about it, the man does not have ed, he masturbates and hooks up wirh men. He dresses as a woman to do so. This is your reality.

He may wish to stay with you. You may wish to stay with him. And that's fine, plenty of sexless but happy marriages if both parties happy with that. But don't hurt yourself any more by hoping he's suddenly going to be sexually interested in you.

Your only question is is a sexless relationship with him, knowing he will have sex with men, enough for you?

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/04/2017 23:04

I know to younger people you'll probably think I should be happy in my situation as it's better than being alone

There is not a single person who thinks this.

He is lying to your counsellor, who doesn't seem to have the wherewithal to pick up on it.

He is gay.

Butterymuffin · 09/04/2017 23:10

I had a friend who found out her husband was gay. He'd done similar things, denied it. Eventually he left. She's happily married to another man now. It's not too late for you to have a happy life without him OP.

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 09/04/2017 23:15

I must have explained myself badly, my partner met men on a site to hook up for sex, most of the men he met were men dressed as women, my partner didn't dress up as a woman.

OP posts:

ijustwannadance · 09/04/2017 23:28

They were still men op, dress or not. All men.

Are you not able to financially support yourself? As that is the only reason I can think of that you would still be sleeping in the same fucking bed as this man who has zero interest in you.

AnyFucker · 09/04/2017 23:31

Do you think the men dressing as women makes him a bit more hetero ?

No. He is still gay.

PickAChew · 09/04/2017 23:33

Why the hell are you still together?

PickAChew · 09/04/2017 23:35

If you're hanging on in hope of a happy ever after with him, it's never going to happen.

WatchMeSoar · 09/04/2017 23:39

He is gay.
You are not dependent on him?
Leave.
Do you want to give him 30 years of non sexual life with him?
Your choice

twattymctwatterson · 10/04/2017 00:22

He's gay. Totally gay. You deserve to be with someone who at a minimum actually likes vaginas

redshoespurplehat · 10/04/2017 08:34

I agree with everyone saying he's gay.
But I do think, if everything else is good, you don't need to leave. As long as you have the freedom to go and meet people too.

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 10/04/2017 18:43

I don't know.
This situation has opened up my eyes to a secret world out there of people with secret lives for different needs.
My problem is I didn't walk away from what I know, I thought I was broad minded and could deal with this.
I also believed my partner but now I'm not sure. Hence being on here.
Half of me tells me the same as what you all said, the other half tells me different, that he's not done anything for 16 months, been the ideal partner too, that I'm being selfish basing my relationship on sex or lack of it....🌻

OP posts:

noego · 10/04/2017 18:55

You are deluded OP. Get rid and move on. It ain't working and never will.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 10/04/2017 19:07

Look. It has nothing to do with being broad minded or accepting.

Your partner isn't attracted to you. He is attracted to men. Regardless of what they wear they have a penis underneath.

Is that not enough ??

Birdsbeesandtrees · 10/04/2017 19:07

How do you know he's "not don't anything" for 16 months ?

He might be watching gay porn. Using sex lines. Meeting up in secret.

itsmine · 10/04/2017 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 10/04/2017 20:40

Head. Desk. Rinse and repeat. Until you die, unshagged.

What a fucking depressing prospect.

Badhairday1001 · 10/04/2017 20:46

Just because a counsellor said he wasn't gay after a private talk doesn't mean he's not gay.
I would say he doesn't want sex with you because he is attracted to men. Maybe at some point he was attracted to woman or both but it seems that now he prefers sex with men.
You need to move on.

FannyFifer · 10/04/2017 22:32

It's very simple,
HE IS A GAY MAN, A MAN WHO LIKES MEN, GAY, A FUCKING GAY MAN.
Dump him & move on, unless you are also a gay man then you are not his type.

msrisotto · 11/04/2017 06:42

Ok so you seem to be burying your head in the sand op. What do you think is making it so hard for you to consider leaving him? Do you feel like you don't deserve better? Couldn't do better? He's been awful to you - cheated, put your sexual health at risk and minimised how awful his behaviour is. He doesn't come across as the least bit sorry. He comes across as if he doesn't give a shit about you. What is it that is keeping you with him do you think? What are you getting from this?

ThoraGruntwhistle · 11/04/2017 06:56

Are you so convinced you can't get by without him that you would rather live a sexless existence with a man who has anonymous sex with men dressed up as women? Really? And if a counsellor has told you that because the men he shags are wearing dresses, he's not gay, then you need to get a second opinion.

muffintopsausage · 11/04/2017 07:02

Aw love he's gay and in a relationship with you he cheated on you.

Cut your losses. There's no reason you can't have a sexual relationship with someone else.

Original poster

xxdriftwoodxx · 11/04/2017 08:40

My final question and the reason I am still here, isn't it selfish though to leave someone based on sex, yes I agree about his past but I made a decision and restarted the relationship a few months after the revelation,
I believed my partner when he told me he isn't gay and it was sex for sex sake, the first sex therapist met my partner on his own then together it was realised my partner had sex addiction.if you Google lots of straight men do turn to other men for oral sex, not penatrive sex.
On the secret email I found it was confirmed my partner met for people to perform oral only and when I looked into this it's quite common for even straight men to search for this .
The definition of gay though is is a person can fall in love with the same sex not just have sex with. My partner has always been a ladies man, and his last marriage ended after he fell for another women and told his wife rather than live a lie.
Yes I am confused, yes he's the only person who by being honest can put me out of my misery, and the reason I don't leave is plainly I can't judge my partner incase I get this wrong as I too once was judged so wrongly about something I hadn't done that this is always in my mind,
I think I'm getting to my decision but I still feel selfish trading him in because we don't have sex but I know if we can't express ourselves this way there's something wrong with us. 🌻

OP posts:

GruffaloPants · 11/04/2017 08:57

Maybe it's not as simple as "he's gay". But it is as simple as "he's dishonest and meets other men for blow jobs while denying you a sex life".

You are not being selfish to have a problem with this.

It's not the same as someone who has an illness or injury and can't have sex, but still values your sexuality.

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