Swinging

[ScarlettR]

DH and I have been talking about trying swinging for a while now and yesterday we signed up to a couple of free websites. Not sure if they are the best sites but we just used google. Can any experienced swingers recommend good web sites to use? Ideally we wild would like to stay fairly local. Also, any tips to get started? Or good/bad experiences you've had?
I'm not sure where to go from here really

Hi! I've signed up to swapscene.com in the last few days. Lots of messages already and seems to be quite a busy site. Have fun!

Thanks FairyDust. I'll check that one out. We've signed up to Fab Swingers and had a few messages. Haven't found anyone we want to get to know yet. Thinking of trying webcam to start with to ease us in gently!

But nervous about showing our faces though!

I don't want to moralise but you really should consider a few things before you undertake this.
Do you and your partner really know yourselves. Are you prone to jealousy? If you really believe you can share your partner with someone else without emotional damage the ok but think long and hard because this sort of thing can become a bone of contention and will crop up in future arguments.
Do you have anything to lose by doing this? Your job, social status and personal relationships with family and friends will be at risk. If you have to be secretive then is it the right thing.
Fantasy is fine but reality is always different your sexual health is at risk and you can never be sure other swingers are 'safe'. Also many swingers are into other social recreations such as drugs, be careful.
There is a very big risk that you or your partner can become over involved with someone you meet this way and an affair can result so you can be risking losing your partner.
If you have considered all this then I hope you find the experience beneficial but please if you have children make sure they are not exposed to any dangers or emotional fall out.
I know I could never really enjoy the thought of someone having sex with my DW no matter how exciting the idea of having sex with other people might turn me on but hey that's just me. I guess I must love her and wouldn't abuse her by having sex with someone else for kicks.

You have some valid points FireWalker and we have considered these but are you really suggesting that i don't love my DH and am abusing him by wanting to do this (or vice versa)? This is something we have both agreed on and considered together. I get it isn't for everyone but for us it is something we want to do

I only meant that I would feel that I was abusing my wife's affection. That is a statement of how I would feel, other might feel differently.
If you have truly thought it through then fair enough as I said I am not moralising or being judgemental.
We are all different just thought I would raise this as sometimes we can get caught up in an idea/fantasy and maybe delude themselves that they are ok with everything.
Just be sure this is what you both really want.

Op while the webcam idea sounds like a safe method to communicate and play be very careful.

People have been caught out by others recording webcams and then uploading onto porn sites.

I can't possibly see how these things can't go wrong, how would you want to be with your husband after he's been doing god knows what with other women, disgusting, sorry but it is

I don't want to moralise
But that's EXACTLY what you go on to do!

Also many swingers are into other social recreations such as drugs
So it's a scene you have no personal knowledge or experience of, but somehow you know this?

It's not something that I have ever done but I have heard FabSwingers recommended on here before.
There are lots of things to consider and discuss before embarking on this but moral judgements from other people aren't going to help.
You can go along to a meet to get to know people and just watch, you don't have to join in. That might help you decide on what you do and don't want to do. Good communication is going to be vital if you want this to work.

I would be wary about being webcamming as it can so easily be shared without your knowledge.

I gave my view I haven't condemned anyone or told the OP she is wrong to consider this, so not moralizing.
I do know someone who got very badly hurt due to becoming involved and the notion that swingers can also be involved in recreational drugs is well documented.
If it's what the OP wants fine, all I did was raise some of the issues that can become problematic.
My very good friend who was my best man, lost his wife to another man they met while swinging, his wife ended up divorced from a man who was her childrens father and as a result committed suicide, two children left without a mother.
It doesn't happen in all cases maybe very few couples split but my very good friend certainly regrets getting involved in swinging. On the positive side he is now remarried with a 5yr old daughter and is very much in love with his current wife and I had the good fortune to be his best man.

how would you want to be with your husband after he's been doing god knows what with other women, disgusting, sorry but it is

Because she'll be there with him, and she'll more likely be doing something with another man or woman...? And that she has a different attitude about it to you?

OP if you've both discussed it and are equally keen to go ahead then like Akimbo said perhaps go to a social meet.

You could even go to a club together with the strict agreement that you do nothing, just observe, socialise and then use a private room together if you get excited. Then discuss from there what your boundaries are. It maybe that you don't want to share but just be together in a group setting, perhaps you want to experiment with another woman, and how comfortable your DH is with that and what his expectations are in that situation. And if he wants to experiment with another man how will you feel?

You need boundaries, and trust and an open mind. Don't let anyone tell you it's disgusting or make you feel bad about wanting to try op. People lose partners everyday in many situations - you only have to read relationships to see that.

There are also meet ups and club listings on Adulthub and a Chatroom.

Each to there own and everyone is different i do think if you were/are the kind of person who was/is happy having a lot of ons and saw/see's sex as just that or even as a hobby that doesnt need any spark/emotional connection it will probably work

Having said that My sister, who is sexually adventurous, went to a killing kittens party with her at the time fwb. She is straight and said there wasnt s single man there she wanted to sleep with and most she would normally cross a room to avoid. The women weren't any better and she didnt want her fwb to shag them either. She would never do it again.

As I said not my place to judge. I can only express my own feelings.
There are many types of relationship open, poly, celibate and monogamous. There is straight, gay, bi and all sorts of types inbetween. There is no reason anyone should judge another for their lifestyle.
You do need to realise however that while there are many happy swingers there are sometimes those who do not suit this lifestyle.
If you have given it careful consideration then I hope it all works well.
Personally I just know I am to jealous and insecure a person to ever enjoy swinging but then again that is me being realistic.
Also I know if my DW was to suggest this I would have to say no and that could lead to our seperation if she really wanted to do it as I have no right to stop her.

Hi, I've done the swinger thing. Like others have said, it's not for everyone but I know plenty of swingers in happy, healthy relationships.
However, if you're new, it can be emotionally draining and a roller coaster. Make sure communication lines are open with your partner. Check what they'd be uncomfortable with and that you both know what the other wants to try.
Most importantly, take it slow.
Like others have said, I'd be hesitant about Webcams. They can be recorded.
It may sound like a big step but I recommend trying a club first. There is absolutely no obligation to have sex or sexual contact. Plenty of people just go for a drink and socialising. You'll probably be approached but just say no thanks if you don't fancy it. It's a good way to dip your toe in the water and get an idea of what goes on.
Have a look at the club reviews on Fab swingers as quality can vary.
Finally, good luck and have fun

Thanks all for your responses. Just to be clear, this is something that both DH and I WANT to do and we're both comfortable with it. It may be that we never go for full sex but we're exploring this together and only doing what we're both comfortable with. Taking it one step at a time. The world of swinging does seem to be a minefield though and that's why i posted her and I'm grateful for the advice that's been given.
I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea. If you think it's disgusting please just move on to another thread.

Firewalker I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I understand it's not for you and expect many people feel the same way as you do. Please be assured that no one is forcing the other person in to this, it is something we have both talked about for a while

Sonlypuppyfat as a pp said, we would be in the same room. Seperate room swinging is somethimg we've agreed is an absolute no for us. It's not what we're doing this for.

wherearemymarbles neither of us are ons people. Ive not heard of killing kittens ( just the name would put me off) but it does seem there are a fair few weirdos on the swinging scene. We may never find a couple that are genuine and that we like but so be it. We won't know until we've tried :)

Thanks to the posters who've recommended trying clubs. We shall check this out :)

We've heard there's a social not too far from us at the weekend. Has anyone been to one of these before?

I've had nothing but positive experiences on Fab Swingers.

I used to be quite deeply involved in this scene. Other ops are absolutely correct that you need to take it slowly. Make sure that each progressive step you take that communications are frank and open. I've often heard it said that couples that play together stay together and from what I have experienced it seems to be true.
Ignore the naysayers and go with what you and your DH are comfortable with. Oh, and have fun, (I know what a kick it can be!!).

We swing and we enjoy it. Our secret, exciting private hobby that brings us closer together and makes us feel even more sexy. We have had some meh meets and some stuff that we wouldn't repeat but so far nothing bad or damaging to 'us'. Have had some amazing fantasies fulfilled and we really enjoy the thrill of it all.
I second the idea of a club visit as a good first step. Where in the country are you and maybe I can point you in the right direction. Your ages and preferred social thing are also relevant. Are you young clubbers or more mature types???

"Killing kittens" refers to some sort of satire about how every time someone masturbates God kills a kitten! Nothing real life sinister.

Also forgot to mention that the site I was on was swinging heaven. It's no longer a free site unfortunately but I found it very good. I went on several socials (called munches on SH) and found them a very good way of getting to know who was about and who was serious. They are also a good way of getting to know the scene as a whole as our socials were strictly no naughtiness.

My personal preference is for meeting other couples one-on-one (or two-on-two I suppose!) rather than the club scene.

My BF recently took me to a swinging club as it was something I hadn't done before (had only done threesomes) and I wanted to see what it was like.

FUCKING GRIM. I was one of 5 women, with over 50 men present. Everyone was dressed in towels and flip flops. I have never felt so unaroused in my life. Because there were so many men, as soon as we walked into a room/area, they all peeled off from the wall and started slowly edging towards me, like a pack of sharks who've scented blood in the water. It was INSANELY rapey. I lasted 15 mins - basically long enough to tour the entire premises once - before telling my BF he needed to take me home immediately.

Leaving the male-female balance aside, everything was wipe clean. I never realised how unsexy it is when everything is designed to be practical. The beds were basically wooden platforms with a couple of school PE type crash mats on them. Then you think about the cleaning staff coming along afterwards with a packet of Aldi lemon wipes...

So anyway my advice would be use FabSwingers, get to know couples or singles individually that you want to play with. It sounds like you're already communicating really well about your limits, which is great. Keep the communication going at all times and it's totally okay to realise that something you thought was okay in fact is not okay, and take it off the table.

Not all clubs are like that. Sounds awful. I researched the hell of it before going to my first club. Many have couples nights - no single men at all. We don't like meets with one couple; too much pressure and we don't want to socialise and make friends lol. Everyone has their own preferences. Find yours then browse the forums on Fab before committing to anything.

Most clubs that I have heard of do not allow single men to come along. It's couples and single women only.

We looked at our nearest club online and DH nearly keeled over when he saw the dress code was towels. We didn't fancy that club and there's not much else near us. Do all the clubs have the towels dress code? There is a social event coming up soon near us which I fancied going to but DH doesn't want to go. He's not as confident as I am with going in to a room of strangers.
We've been enjoyjng ourselves so far.
whatrheactualjeff you're it is such a kick

wantmorenow we are mid to late 30's. Anywhere in the south west of england or south Wales would be good for us (i don't believe there is much around though)

Doesn't towels mean you always have a towel to sit on in the bar and similar areas, to protect the seats?

Ebearhug the dress code was to wear a towel only or men could wear just shorts or women could wear lingerie