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can I ask how long you had known dh/dp

119 replies

NorfolkEnchantsToday · 21/04/2016 18:01

Before you did anything sexual?

I'm curious.
I've met someone id quite like to be in a relationship with but now I've met him and dated him 3 times I'm not sure of the etiquette

OP posts:
Jsy123 · 21/04/2016 19:36

I dated dh for a month before we slept together, it was just kissing up until then. This was 12 years ago mind, a month seemed like a long time at the time but not so much now lol!

monkeyfacegrace · 21/04/2016 19:39

Dh was a ONS. I only wanted a shag ffs.

KindDogsTail · 21/04/2016 19:41

I forgot to day I met my husband about four months after first meeting. In the middle was a holiday with friends and from the beginning of that holiday about nine weeks before sleeping togther. Still together after many years.

vdbfamily · 21/04/2016 20:27

If you are genuinely looking for a 'keeper' I would say that you should avoid the sexual stuff as long as possible. If someone genuinely cares about you and likes you as a person they will not be put off by that. If you have been hurt before I would be cautious and ensure that you have a solid friendship first. But I waited until we were married so slightly unusual on MN!

NorfolkEnchantsToday · 21/04/2016 20:41

That video was great King thanks

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 21/04/2016 22:58

Dh was a ONS. I only wanted a shag ffs.

Grin
TheNotoriousPMT · 21/04/2016 23:05

Urgh. I don't fit in. DH was a ONS the first time, then a few years on we re-met and fell hard.

If you aren't 100% sure yet - and it sounds like you aren't - then wait awhile. If he's serious he'll wait gladly. If he's not, it sounds like you'd rather know before you sleep with him.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 22/04/2016 08:47

Oh god deVelvet me too! GrinWine

Branleuse · 22/04/2016 08:48

known him online for a few weeks, maybe a month, but we had sex the first night we met in person

RapidlyOscillating · 22/04/2016 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 22/04/2016 08:55

I think whatever is comfortable for you op. I am with my DP now in a totally unplanned way and not one we'll be able to reminisce over with the grandchildren.

But we developed a nice friendship from the FWB arrangement we decided on. Then we started to miss each other as people.

And then we fell in love. Blush

Some people prefer to be in a loving relationship before a sexual one and others not. It's all personal preference I guess. And some enjoy the build up. I think it can depend on your age too.

But I understand your feelings as I think some folks are happy to date a bit and enjoy the thrill of the chase, then go cold after the sex because it's part of the game. Which can hurt horribly if you aren't aware.

Try not to get too fixated on the future and if you want sex then make some indication of it. It's also important that you match your tastes and interests sexually too.

NorfolkEnchantsToday · 22/04/2016 09:44

He's very keen, this is the third day in a row I've seen him at lunch as he's away at the weekend and will miss me apparently ShockConfusedHmm

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 22/04/2016 13:27

Well thats really nice, isn't it?

Why not suggest a night at yours next weekend?

HirplesWithHaggis · 22/04/2016 13:32

Well, the ball's in your court. You can enjoy his company and shag him when you feel the time is right - or not, of course. He may then bugger off - or not. There's not much you can do about that, but if you want to avoid feeling used, your attitude to said shag should be that it's just a bit of fun to you too. Enjoy the attention and flattery, but don't be taken in by it.

Several of us have said we were just out for a ONS and find ourselves married/longterm partnered, that could happen to you too. Or not.

Tbh, I'd be a bit wary of such enthusiasm, but I'm a cynical old bird.

NorfolkEnchantsToday · 22/04/2016 17:54

So if I do sleep with him how do you get from there to a relationship?

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 22/04/2016 18:05

With DH, third date. Been together 20 years now.

With previous partner, same night we met - were together over 6 years.

Varied with previous bf's but I wasn't good at holding out

I would say he seems a bit keen and would be wondering what he was playing at wanting 3 dates on the trot, but I'm a cynical old hag Grin

bigTillyMint · 22/04/2016 18:09

IMHE, if you click, it turns into a relationship. Not just to do with sex, though that obviously helps!

You shouldn't be "trying" to make it turn into a relationship. Nothing more off - putting that someone who is trying too hard or being too needy. Which is what worries me about the three dates and him saying he's gong to miss you on the weekend - he's only just met you FFS!

bakerblues · 22/04/2016 18:09

'anything' sexual (not intercourse but other stuff) - about 3 weeks.

Full sex - 3 months. I waited much longer with DH than I had with other men, I saw him as a keeper whereas with others it had just been about having fun.

HirplesWithHaggis · 22/04/2016 19:33

I tend to agree with bigTilly; it'll either become a relationship or it won't, you can't force it either way.

I'm also a bit concerned that he can tell how keen you are to "settle down", and that he might exploit that.

KindDogsTail · 22/04/2016 21:05

So if I do sleep with him how do you get from there to a relationship?

People have posted here about getting from what they thought would be a ONS to a relationship which is lovely, but that is probably more good luck than anything.

Of course there are exceptions, but usually the more there is a relationship first, (not a game playing version of hard to get) the more the chance of a relationship continuing.

Also for a relationship to form you need to be compatible in the first place.
Physical attraction is important but not enough for that on its own.

Do you know what he is really interested in and vice versa?

Have you talked about what books/music/films you both like?

Do you know what he has a passion for? And. vice versa.

Have you done anything like go to an art gallery, for a walk, to play some game...hanging out?

Have you met each others friends?

What do you know about each others families?

Have you met any of each other's family?

Have you laughed and had fun together over things?

Pets?

Have you major interests, friends and a life of your own and vice versa? (i.e. Not needy)

I do not mean have you given each other a third degree questionnaire but have you shared these things bit by bit?

Has he just sent sexts, or have there also been texts about you/you both/ a shared joke?

Have you laughed and had fun together over things?

I don't mean have you given each other a third degree questionnaire but shared these things bit by bit.

What if you slept with someone and then later found out they had Nazi sympathies? Or you love animals but found out later he does not/and is allergic to them? Or, hates his family, when you have a close happy family? Or he is still in love with someone he has recently broken up with?

KindDogsTail · 22/04/2016 21:06

Sorry, didn't edit properly OP

scribblegirl · 22/04/2016 21:07

Date 6. 2 months to the day after we met. We were busy!

StuRedman · 22/04/2016 21:07

About half an hour. We've been together nine years.

LuluJakey1 · 22/04/2016 22:09

A month. I made him wait. I wanted to know him a bit first- had made that mistake too many times of sleeping with them too early and then it ending. I wanted to have a sense of what he was really like. Been together 8 years, married almost 7.

EarthboundMisfit · 22/04/2016 22:11

About ten minutes. That was 14 years and three kids ago.

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