Boyfriend likes me to be dominant, I'm quite new to this

[subdomCuri0us]

Namechanged for this.

Boyfriend of a couple of months has told me he likes me to be dominant, tell him what to do, punish him, maybe tie him up ...

We don't live close by, so have only had sex once, just normal stuff, although I always tend to like being in charge, so not going to be a problem, I've just not been with anyone who likes it that much before.

We've been phoning and texting and it got pretty steamy last night. He definitely liked the way it went, that was basically me telling him what to do, making him wait, teasing him ...

Anyone enjoy this sort of sex too and can give me some suggestions for (pain free) punishment of a light hearted nature? We don't want to get into pain or proper bondage, although he likes the thought of being tied up with scarves and wearing a blindfold.

I'm just not sure what to punish him for, how to punish him. What to make him do ... I really want to make it great sex, because we're both enjoying it so much.

He's quite a bit younger than me, but I don't want to get into the "call me mummy" thing. I've been looking at some toys, because I think he'll like anal play too.

I'm not trolling, genuinely hoping for some suggestions, as I've not done this before but am enjoying the thought.

Sorry, I can't advise more, it's not an area I know much about, but check out Fetlife, you'll find hundreds of threads discussing and teaching readers about being a Dom, or being a Sub.

That's great, thanks, I'll take a look .

Sit down before you get naked and ask him where his limits are.

EG if he wants you to tie him up with scarves, do they need to be loose enough that he could get free if he panicked? If he wants to be spanked, how does he want you to do that - open hand, paddle, hairbrush? Does he want to be called a bad boy, a good boy, a filthy whore, "Slave", what?

Does he want a full on roleplay, e.g. naughty schoolboy in detention, or just play the scene naturally?

Agree a safe word - if he uses it, everything stops straight away. Make sure it's something nobody would ever say in the context of sex, e.g. "watermelons" or "backpacking". If you're going to gag him, make sure you have a non-verbal signal to stop.

Have fun :)

Thanks. He likes Mistress and Slave. I think we want to just play the scene quite naturally, me telling him what he can and can't do, that he's been naughty .. I just don't want it to be repetitive.

We haven't spoken about spanking yet, I'll discuss it with him. We have said definitely no pain.

Umm

Ask him to make you a cup,of tea naked, then tell him to kneel down in front of you. Then use him as a nice comfy foot stool whilst you drink your tea.

Oh and dip your spoon in the tea heat it up for a few seconds then stick it on his backside briefly. Oh and he has to say thank you, take your tea cup out to to the kitchen and back for a foot rub.

Guiltypleasures you seem to know a lot about this

Ya think

[Smile] good suggestions

Tie him spread eagled on the bed blindfold him then stick a spoon in the freezer and tease his um danglies, only for split seconds though otherwise might hurt .

Then whilst still tied take off his blindfold and sit over his face hovering over his mouth.

Right I'm off to bed

Thanks Guilty. Sounds good. More?

Purely psychological

But tie him into a kneeling position blindfold etc
Then leave the room, let him hear you walking about etc and then now and again spank him with the back of a wooden spoon or similar only once at a time. Makes em jump and on edge for the next one, then go about business again and spank leaving long pauses. Do this for as long as you like.

Get him to run you a bubble bath and shave your legs for you, wash your hair etc towel dry you. Moisturise you all over dry your hair for you, then tell him how you will reward him if he does a good job, or not of course.

Great ideas. So it's not just about sex, but generally making him do stuff for me? And rewarding outer punishing accordingly?

Role playing yes , depends on both of your boundaries and needs, if everyone's comfortable with it then go for it. It's titilation making them wait mind games etc. if he wants to serve you then let him treat you like the Queen of Sheba, and punish accordingly.

I need to feel comfortable with it too, not feel foolish

We're texting at the moment and I find it difficult to think of stuff he can do when we're not together.

Tell him to wank and then 45 seconds or so later send another text saying stop. Tell him he has to beg your permission to carry on.

The wierd thing is you are doing all of this because HE wants you to. Doesn't that mean you're submitting to his wishes which is a bit crap esp right at the start of a relationship?

No I'm enjoying it too. It's just not something I've done before.

ROARING at the foot stool.
Christ how do you not fall over laughing with all this

OP, I've sent you a pm

Only the English would have s sec game involving a cup of tea!

If it was me if be making a big list of all those niggly jobs and getting him to do them naked with a ball gag. while I watched Coronation Street

Give him a blow job with a mouth full of hottish tea, only like the English. Oh and when your shagging him tell him he has to the count of 5 said out loud to come or you push him off.

You don't want to know what I've done with cotton buds

I'm intrigued.

OP: "Tell me more, tell me more"