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Original poster

Oral sex, wibu?

98 replies

penguinplease · 02/07/2015 17:31

Without telling you which party I am can I run a scenario by you?

Me and dp have been arguing over this.

One of us has given lots of oral sex to the other , almost everytime we have sex. The other of us has done it twice under huge amounts of pressure.
The person doing the giving is fed up of not receiving and the rows are constant over it.
Reason for not giving is nothing other than not really into it which the person other finds frustrating as they feel it should be reciprocated equally as much .
It's almost breaking us up, not sure how to resolve it.

What do you think? Should one of us back down? How can we sort this?

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 02/07/2015 17:34

Sounds unfair. Either you both do it occasionally, or maybe not at all, given the scenario you describe. Is the non-giver selfish in other areas? Not being into is is fair enough, but it's then unreasonable to receive IMHO>

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 02/07/2015 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wafflyversatile · 02/07/2015 17:56

Neither party can demand oral sex from the other.

The one who gets a lot but rarely gives has a bit lot of a cheek complaining about any drop in service from the other.

NoelHeadbands · 02/07/2015 17:58

Nobody should do anything sexually that they don't enjoy or feel comfortable with.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/07/2015 18:01

I think that's really tricky. No one should do anything they don't want to do - but I would over time be a bit saddened by a partner who didn't want to do it.

Siolence · 02/07/2015 18:03

I agree with no one doing anything they don't want to.

Which leads to is it a deal breaker or not? If not then the complainer needs to put up and shut up. Because there is nothing less of a turn on than being pestered to do something you don't want to do.

ShelaghTurner · 02/07/2015 18:03

Tbh I don't see it as a bargaining tool. Only do what you want to do regardless of what you hope to get out of it, it's not tit for tat. And there are other ways to give attention.

DoTheDuckFace · 02/07/2015 18:04

Neither should give unless they want to. If I were the giver but not getting any in return I would soon stop giving too. It's a two way street or no way street.

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 02/07/2015 18:05

No-one should ever perform any sexual act which they are not enthusiastic about. If one of you doesn't like performing oral sex, then they are fully in the right not to do so. Equally, the person who is freely giving the oral sex is quite within their rights to stop doing so, unless they particularly enjoy pleasuring their partner.

It sounds like the two of you are not sexually compatible. This is unlikely to make for a good and happy relationship in the long run as the resentment from either side is only going to build.

avocadotoast · 02/07/2015 18:05

Nobody should be pressured to do any sexual activity they don't really want to.

If the person giving is happy to do so, then fine, but they can't (well, shouldn't) complain about not receiving. It's really out of order to put pressure on someone to reciprocate a sex act.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 02/07/2015 18:05

Noone should "have to" give oral sex for any reason other than they want to. Not because they are pressured to, and not in order to expect anything in return.

Original poster
penguinplease · 02/07/2015 18:09

Thanks for the wise words.
Trouble is that the person who receives expects it to be part of our sexual activities and would be annoyed if it stopped but just can't be arsed to reciprocate and can't understand the frustration and resentment this is causing .

Sigh I suspect it will never be resolved.

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 02/07/2015 18:09

Agree with Ofelia

purplemurple1 · 02/07/2015 18:10

I think it depends a bit if one you only comes through oral but the other through piv then I get why it has ended up that the giver is making the first come who then reciprocates with piv so the giver also comes.
If its an issue drop oral all together and use hands or a rabbit so you both orgasm still.

BitterChocolate · 02/07/2015 18:11

If the giver feels that they are hard done by, then they should stop giving. Nobody should feel obliged to do something that they don't like.

My H performed oral sex on me frequently, he was good at it and he enjoyed giving it. If he hadn't liked doing it I would probably never have married him not have pressured him into doing it. I rarely ever gave oral, he had a big penis and I have a small mouth so it was uncomfortable. I did other stuff that he enjoyed very much and that I was happy to do.

YonicScrewdriver · 02/07/2015 18:11

Ok, the receiver should not be annoyed if it stops. The giver is just as entitled to only give what they want to which is the current position of the receiver!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/07/2015 18:21

Is it just that the receiver can't be arsed or does the receiver have other issues? (Not that that makes a difference particularly)

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 02/07/2015 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 02/07/2015 18:33

If one of you isn't prepared to give oral but would grumble if they stopped getting it, that person is selfish in bed and apparently unaware that good sex is sex that goes both ways. I would further make the assumption that this person is selfish and thinks their wants/needs to be more important than their partner's in other aspects of the relationship and would move on pronto before forming a long-term bond with such a person.

CaptainHolt · 02/07/2015 18:33

It sounds shit. The giver is only giving because they want something back and the receiver 'expects' to receive even though they know the giver isn't really that into it.

I don't understand why the giver doesn't just stop giving if they don't like it and if they do like it then crack on but stop mithering that the other person doesn't like giving.

AnyFucker · 02/07/2015 18:34

give oral sex if you want to

don't expect it from the other party

that pretty much covers it

if this isn't your situation then there is unfairness, inequality and coercion

that's not good

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 02/07/2015 18:43

I'm guessing the receiver is male and the giver female

Receiver is a selfish dick if they expect it but don't want to reciprocate.
Giver should stop giving so much, and only when they actually fancy doing it, not because it's expected
Giver shouldn't pressure receiver to give if they don't want to

Rosieliveson · 02/07/2015 18:49

For me, oral sex should be a part of sex because the giver likes doing it and reciever likes getting it, not a tit for tat exchange if you see what I mean.
If one party likes doing it but the other doesn't it seems unfair to hold it back out of protest.

MrsEvadneCake · 02/07/2015 18:50

If they expect it to be part of sexual activity then they are being unreasonable. Nothing should be expected.

Fairy13 · 02/07/2015 18:53

Exact same scenario.
I give every single time, because it's the only way he will come.
He very rarely gives at all. I usually do it myself.
He would do it if I asked, but I know he's not really a fan and I would rather he was doing things he enjoyed.
Our sex life is less than ideal and something we have had many rows discussions about.

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