Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Original poster

Oral sex, wibu?

98 replies

penguinplease · 02/07/2015 17:31

Without telling you which party I am can I run a scenario by you?

Me and dp have been arguing over this.

One of us has given lots of oral sex to the other , almost everytime we have sex. The other of us has done it twice under huge amounts of pressure.
The person doing the giving is fed up of not receiving and the rows are constant over it.
Reason for not giving is nothing other than not really into it which the person other finds frustrating as they feel it should be reciprocated equally as much .
It's almost breaking us up, not sure how to resolve it.

What do you think? Should one of us back down? How can we sort this?

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 02/07/2015 22:55

He's threatened to dump you if you stop the blowjobs? That's coercion love. Aka sexual abuse. He's not a good guy is he?

Original poster
penguinplease · 02/07/2015 22:56

Yes I'm realising that now, after many years of zero sex anything would be great and maybe I've just bought into his enjoyment too much

OP posts:
DollyTwat · 02/07/2015 22:57

Op this isn't going to end well is it?
If he does reciprocate you'll know it's given grudgingly.

GatoradeMeBitch · 02/07/2015 22:59

Do you sexually enjoy giving him oral sex, or is it something you do simply because you know he likes it? Because if so, you're in the same boat, except that one of you is generous towards your partner and their needs, and the other isn't.

Many women need oral (or at least concentrated attention in a certain area) in order to orgasm, and if you are in that category you need to consider whether an unsatisfactory sex life is something to look forward to for the next however many years.

Original poster
penguinplease · 02/07/2015 23:00

Yes that's true and I would hate him to do it because of feeling that he should. It's just he talks it up, says he will and more importantly that he wants to and I know has done it for his many ex's so it's just me that he won't do it for which makes me a bit paranoid. I'm very clean!

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 02/07/2015 23:03

Penguin let me get this right, if you won't perform oral sex he will leave you?

Original poster
penguinplease · 02/07/2015 23:03

Giving him oral doesn't turn me on no but I know he loves it , even as I write it down now I can see where this is going

OP posts:
Original poster
penguinplease · 02/07/2015 23:04

Yeah, well in one of our discussions I said to him what would his reaction be if I refused to do it as he doesn't and so we just take it out of our sex life completely and he says he'd walk

OP posts:
UnsolvedMystery · 02/07/2015 23:14

He's not sounding that great.
Even taking the oral sex out of this, it's not sounding great.
The lack of oral sex is a symptom of your problems, it's not the cause.

m0therofdragons · 02/07/2015 23:14

I can't imagine ever demanding dh do something he doesn't enjoy. I don't see it as a bargaining tool. Maybe I'd feel different in that situation though.

Original poster
penguinplease · 02/07/2015 23:20

I don't demand , I'm just a bit hurt that I'm expected to gag and swallow and do all the things he loves but he won't consider doing anything for me.
It sounds so awful to say I've demanded it, I really haven't but I've been subjected to many (many) takes of his sexual exploits with ex's and they all involve him giving oral so how can that be anything other than hurtful.
I've had the honest tell me if its me conversation with him repeatedly and he says not.

OP posts:
Original poster
penguinplease · 02/07/2015 23:21

Argh tales not takes

OP posts:
HootOnTheBeach · 02/07/2015 23:23

Stop touching his dick.

Stop touching him.

Walk away briskly.

He's a misogynistic prick who thinks your pleasure doesn't matter. Does he also try to bypass foreplay because you can just use lube?

YonicScrewdriver · 02/07/2015 23:23

He won't go down on you but would leave you if you stop giving blow jobs, even though you don't intrinsically get turned on by giving them (although you do enjoy his enjoyment)...

He doesn't sound very nice, OP. Why does he think his wants are more important than yours?

YonicScrewdriver · 02/07/2015 23:24

He makes you gag and swallow when, presumably, you'd prefer not to?

YonicScrewdriver · 02/07/2015 23:25

What "reason" does he give for not going down on you? And why is he telling you stories abut his exes?

Original poster
penguinplease · 02/07/2015 23:26

Oh yes to the lube/ no foreplay that's wrong isn't it??

OP posts:
goodasitgets · 02/07/2015 23:28

Yep. Occasional quickie with using lube, fine. Regular basis - no

Original poster
penguinplease · 02/07/2015 23:29

I don't mind doing it as he likes it but it's feeling like it's all about him and that I'm causing a fuss by feeling a bit hard done by.

His reason is that he has an issue that he can't overcome but in reality he can't be arsed.
I've heard many stories about ex's as he is quite proud of his sexual history as it's quite the opposite to vanilla.
I've always enjoyed being with him, only today I posted on another thread that we have fun, in fairness we do but it's his fun not mine.

Amazing what getting it down on here can do!

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 02/07/2015 23:30

Yes, it's wrong.

I think you've come out of a level 8 shitty relationship (sexless for a long time) and so this one felt great for a long time because it was, say, level 5 of shitty. Now the light may be shining on it more.

Hexadecimal1 · 02/07/2015 23:32

I've been subjected to many (many) takes of his sexual exploits with ex's and they all involve him giving oral

Penguin I'm really sorry but that's just not right, no decent man would boast to his partner about all the things he did with his exs, while at the same time refusing to do it with you

Sex should be a lovely, joyful, intimidate thing. Him enjoying seeing you gag every time isn't healthy or a good relationship.

Sorry but this man doesn't sound good, I think you deserve much better darling

YonicScrewdriver · 02/07/2015 23:33

Here's Reality's brilliant post on what a good relationship is

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

UnsolvedMystery · 02/07/2015 23:40

Using lube is fine (I use it a lot), but never as a replacement for foreplay. That is pure selfish behaviour. Actually I'd put it closer to abusive.

spatchcock · 03/07/2015 00:55

He goes on about his sexual exploits.

He won't do foreplay or use lube.

He coerces you into blow jobs by saying he'll leave if you don't comply and he won't return the favour.

This is all-round grim.

Original poster
penguinplease · 03/07/2015 01:11

Isn't it just. And there was me thinking genuinely he was great.
I need to have a word with myself , thank you everyone for the reality check.

OP posts:

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.