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Sex

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Original poster

Oral sex, wibu?

98 replies

penguinplease · 02/07/2015 17:31

Without telling you which party I am can I run a scenario by you?

Me and dp have been arguing over this.

One of us has given lots of oral sex to the other , almost everytime we have sex. The other of us has done it twice under huge amounts of pressure.
The person doing the giving is fed up of not receiving and the rows are constant over it.
Reason for not giving is nothing other than not really into it which the person other finds frustrating as they feel it should be reciprocated equally as much .
It's almost breaking us up, not sure how to resolve it.

What do you think? Should one of us back down? How can we sort this?

OP posts:

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 03/07/2015 04:23

Oh love no he's not great. He sounds horrible for all the reasons above. The more you say the worse he sounds.

AnyFucker · 03/07/2015 06:54

so, now we have it

this "wonderful sex life" you have is all on his terms

he coerces you into gagging on his cock and swallowing and you get nothing out of it at all, in fact if you are honest you actually hate it

he also refuses to reciprocate and takes no heed of your pleasure

you are in a sexually and emotionally abusive relationship

TRexingInAsda · 03/07/2015 09:32

I said to him what would his reaction be if I refused to do it ... he says he'd walk
OMG! This is really shocking. He's basically told you he's with you for the blowjobs - if they stop, he's gone! Fucking hell, what are you still doing there? How did you not react to that statement with the words 'well fuck off then you complete shit'.

Rosieliveson · 03/07/2015 15:28

This thread has taken a turn for the worse since I last commented. It's clearly not just about oral. It's a man who wants to get his kicks regardless. I get the feeling the person on the receiving end of his penis could be anyone really. This isn't a relationship I would want any part of. I hope you can leave this man and start fresh.

ChristinaTweet · 03/07/2015 23:57

he sounds like one selfish lover

differentnameforthis · 04/07/2015 04:09

I think he is pretty horrible, tbh.

He is telling you tales of giving his ex's oral sex, but not doing it with you..

I think he is lying about doing it to his exs, him telling you about it, is his way of telling you that you are not good enough for him to do that to.

It's abusive & controlling.

GatoradeMeBitch · 04/07/2015 10:45

I hope your word with yourself was effective! Anyone who says they'd leave you if you stopped doing the thing that they have no intention of doing for you is an arsehole of the highest order. You know you deserve much better.

TheDowagerCuntess · 04/07/2015 11:01

Jesus.

He would leave you if he no longer got oral, but he can't understand why you're frustrated by not getting oral...?

...and...

Is English his second language, or does he just think you came down in the last shower...?

TheDowagerCuntess · 04/07/2015 11:02

And I know the relationship board is a veritable treasure trove of pandora's boxes, but this really does take the biscuit.

DoctorTwo · 05/07/2015 16:01

don't STFU and put your smackers round the knackers for an easy life

That's quote of the year, that is. Well played AnyFucker.

OP, if he says he'll walk if you stop the blowjobs get in first and give him his marching orders. My last FWB told me she wouldn't because she didn't like it. Didn't stop me going down because it's honestly my favourite thing. Then one evening she told me the reason she hates them and I was horrified. And angry on her behalf.

Honestly, bin him. Especially if he's forcing his cock in to gag you. Yuck.

AyeAmarok · 05/07/2015 19:05

Hmmm, I have a slightly different take on the "nobody should be forced to do anything they don't want to" thing.

What if a guy said "I don't like foreplay, I don't enjoy it" would people say well in that case he can just stick his penis in with no warm up for the woman? No! Because it would hurt for one, and be no fun for another. I don't think this board would ever agree a woman has no right to expect some foreplay prior to PIV.

Sex needs to be something of a reciprocal arrangement, and generally if one party doesn't dislike doing something (or it doesn't hurt) and its a fairly vanilla request then I think each should do things that give the other pleasure so the pleasure isn't all one-sided. However, generally speaking men don't need blowjobs to climax, women do need some clitoral stimulation to ease sex, then men cum having sex.

But back to the issue at hand.

I think you've got caught up in the idea/narrative that you are in a very fun and passionate relationship, OP, without realising that you are getting nothing back from it. It's all about HIS pleasure and fun. Your eyes have been opened to the reality, this is not a good,fun, considerate or respectful arrangement for you.

TheDowagerCuntess · 05/07/2015 19:35

If a guy says 'I don't like foreplay', you don't cajole him into it. You recognise he's clearly crack in bed, pretty selfish, and you in him.

Yes, you can have a conversation around ensuring that's really the case, and whether there's any room for negotiation, but otherwise, you vote with your feet.

Nobody should have to cajole someone into doing something they don't want to do. If enough women were to dump the guy in this scenario, then maybe he might change his ways of his own accord.

AyeAmarok · 05/07/2015 19:45

True Cuntess ( great name ), fair point. More women should take that stance.

pocketsaviour · 05/07/2015 20:17

Penguin Glad to see you've had a bit of a revelation, this guy sound like a total loser.

Tales of his sexes with the exes? Probably complete bullshit.

There's plenty more out there who'll give you a genuinely wonderful and shared sex life!

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 05/07/2015 20:23

The sexual aspect of this is a symptom of the problems in the relationship, not the actual problem. And that's without everything else you've said.

Sounds dire to me. It's isn't akin to I cooked so you need to do the clearing up after. It's intensely emotional as well as physical. Surely you can see that?

AnyFucker · 05/07/2015 20:23

op hasn't been back since Friday...I do wonder what is going on Chez Penguin

Original poster

penguinplease · 05/07/2015 20:55

I am here, just caught up.
Feel a bit used and a bit of a tit to be honest.
Finished it yesterday, going to spend some time alone now!
Thanks for all the help and advice, it really was a revelation as the chat unfolded and helped me put things into perspective .

OP posts:

YonicScrewdriver · 05/07/2015 20:57

Glad you are in a better place, take your time before starting something else x

AnyFucker · 05/07/2015 21:24

ooh, there you are

well done for putting yourself first !

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 05/07/2015 21:28

Well, I was after the event then, but hopefully you know in your own mind that you've done the right thing Penguin.
It's easy to see things clearly from the outside and much more difficult when you're caught up in a situation.

TRexingInAsda · 06/07/2015 07:53

Well done OP. x

minkGrundy · 08/07/2015 00:43

aye (and OP) if one party tries to.persuade another party into something they do not want to do, then the first party should either desist or accept they are not compatible and end the rs.

No one has to have sex they don't want to keep a rs. That applies to both parties in the no foreplay scenario.

OP well done

And when you are ready there are plenty of men out there who like sex and prefer giving over receiving. Plenty. Wishing one of the good ones for you when you are ready.

GoldfishCrackers · 09/07/2015 23:35

Oh that's a very welcome update from you penguin.

You're not a tit. Your instinct is obviously working or you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place. Good for you for listening to it.

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