Y8-2023/2024

For those struggling please do speak to your heads of year / pastoral support as they'll see this every year. Our school really encourages them to try a plethora of lunch clubs etc. This helps ensure they aren't alone and often helps them find their tribe. There is also a chill out room for those just wanting some quiet.

@ArtHistory - My DD also got dropped by her best friend from primary - I know that friendships naturally change but this just seemed overnight and particularly brutal, as the girl just told other girls that she doesn’t really hang out with DD anymore, one of them told her - and that was it, just cut her off and sits in front of DD with other girls talking about their plans for the weekend.

They were very very close before and I just struggle to get my head around that sudden and cruel behaviour. I thought it was such an unusual thing to happen, but reading your post makes me think it might be something that happens more regularly at this age.

My DD said “I think she thinks I’m not cool enough for her anymore and she only wants to be friends with people she sees as really popular” 😕

DD seems to be coping relatively well now after having a very wobbly week or two, although I’m worried she is covering up her feelings a bit.

I think it has probably upset me even more than her, I just felt so heartbroken for her to be treated like that as she was just finding her feet and when she had been so excited about starting secondary (and is in the same classes as previous BF as they’d asked to be together 🤷🏼‍♀️).

@MenopauseMavis it's really not uncommon. It's like an insecurity thing. They feel a need to prove they have grown up & moved on suddenly.

My DS is still struggling to make friends. He told me today that other kids have been trying to pinch his things (pencil case etc), he's tried to talk to other kids (friends of people he knows) but they walk away saying "we don't want to talk to you".

I wonder if it's because he enjoys learning/lessons etc that he's seen as a swot, but I have no idea.

I'm completely lost on what to do/say. I've spoken to the Head of Year who says she'd try to introduce him to other kids, but not much has changed.

He has friends outside school but they're all making new friends at their schools and he's getting left behind.

I’m sorry your DS is having a tough time, @cortisolqueen. I would maybe talk to the Head of Year again. Did any of those introductions happen? Maybe ask if they do a social group for kids struggling to settle that he could enjoy. Are there any clubs where he might find like minded kids?

I’d also look at out of school friendships through clubs. I think being around kids who don’t go to the same school and hopefully making some friends that way is really helpful. Out of school friends don’t get caught up in the petty school dramas.

@cortisolqueen Definitely encourage going to clubs/activities he is interested in - as common ground is a good ice breaker. Its about finding his tribe - while it may seem everyone has got new friendship groups there will still be a lot of movement as they are only just getting to know each other. I didn't find my group till halfway through the second year of seniors.

Has anyone’s child been off sick? My DD missed three days last week with a tummy bug, and has struggled to catch up fully, mostly due to the teachers making it difficult to access work she’s missed.

Some friends photographed their class notes so she could copy notes into her books, but she hasn’t got access to the homework worksheets. Not all teachers upload everything to Teams, and they rarely reply to messages posted on there, or perhaps say ‘come and find me one lunchtime’ which is unhelpful when you have lunchtime clubs or they don’t have a fixed classroom. Even at the next lesson for that subject, the teacher doesn’t always have copies of the previous lesson’s homework sheets.

Even her form tutor, who is one of her subject teachers, told her to wait until the next lesson (homework deadline day) to receive the worksheet, and then told her that her homework was late, and threatened her with a negative if she didn’t hand it in the following morning.

Meanwhile, assessments missed during her time off are done in the next lesson, which means missing out on the actual lesson, including copying things from the board (no mobile phones allowed so photographing the board is not an option), which means asking friends for notes again…

She’s been very proactive with following up with all subject teachers: I don’t know how she could have been more diligent, yet it is a bit of a struggle. Is this typical?

Not in my experience. That sounds like setting them up to fail to me. Ours is all online so even if you are ill, you can keep up with assignments.

Hi,
Is this SCGSG ?
Thanks

Our school and others round us use google classrooms. They can message teachers, email class mates and do online homework. Loads have time off timetable on any date for music lessons / sports etc plus sickness and it's a non issue

This is far removed from our Yr7 experience. Sounds dreadful. There's a sickness bug going round our area at the mo meaning loads off at any point for 3 days. Sounds more like boot camp

Hi all, I've been lurking on this thread for ages, hoping it's okay to join in too.

My DD just started year 7 as well, and at half term suddenly said she's really unhappy, hates school and wants to leave.

We were completely taken aback as she hadn't given any sign that things were so bad. I think she's struggling to make friends and also just struggling with the whole transition as she's a very anxious child who hates any change.

I'm really sorry to read that others have been struggling too, although I guess it makes me feel slightly relieved that it's not just us having problems (not that I want to wish this on anyone else), but everyone else we know seems to have settled marvellously.

Wondering whether we've made a big mistake with the school we chose, whether to stick things out and encourage my DD to give things a proper go or move her. But she can't explain in detail what she doesn't like, just that she doesn't like it...

I think I'm just rambling here! Thanks if you've read this far 🙂

I don't think we should underestimate the impact that school closures had. I think it has made the transition harder.

DD is finding organising homework difficult as she has never had to do it before. The amount of work given seems a lot to me but I don't know.

Also, I read on another MN thread that this period before the Christmas holidays is especially hard for y7s.

The homework takes quite a bit of organising. Here school has exams just before Christmas so they're also having to learn to revise.

Because of everything else I'm trying to help with revision, he really doesn't know where to start. It actually kept me up last night!

@LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket: "But she can't explain in detail what she doesn't like, just that she doesn't like it..."

A friend's DD was much like yours in Y7. She'd loved primary school, and everyone was surprised that she didn't settle well into secondary. She couldn't really put her finger on it either, but, a year on, she is happy there.

Looking back, it was a combination of things: getting used to having so many different teachers instead of building a strong relationship with one teacher as in primary, anxiety about forgetting things or getting lost, worry about homework, particularly from one teacher who was not clear with instructions, and also, it turned out, a bit of low-level bullying from a couple of girls in her form.

Have you spoken to the form tutor or pastoral lead? If not, it might be worth letting them know, so they can make an effort to check in with her.

Sorry to hear that some of your children are having difficulties. It's such a huge transition from primary school to the very different culture at secondary. It used to be my job to manage that transition from Year 6 to Year 7 so am well aware of all the issues here.

As others have said, if your child is struggling please contact their form tutor and/or pastoral team or Year Head. Also just a thought too, if your child has friendship issues, encourage them towards the library at lunchtime. There will be many activities for them, also they can become a student librarian which is a marvellous thing for their confidence.

Thanks all. I've been in touch with form tutor/head of year and one of the school's acknowledged strengths is its pastoral care. Just still not sure how to turn this round for her.

I hope the school have some advice for you @LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket. It’s horrible when your child is unhappy.

Thank you @RosieRiveting it's so hard to know how best to support her.

I thought DD had adjusted and was doing all right. Now she tells me she has no friends, she won't ever have friends and she doesn't care anyway. But she does. And now I don't know how to help her. She's a rather introverted nerdy type like her mum and is brilliant with arts and crafts.

Has something happened do you think @ISaySteadyOn? Or has she just been pretending things were ok? Things are tough here at the moment and I think a lot of it is just tiredness. I cannot wait for the Christmas holidays.

I don't know. I think it is tiredness and an unrealistic expectation of what friendship is. But I can't wait for the holidays either!

@ISaySteadyOn I think it can be the unrealistic expectation of what friendship is too. DC2 (in primary) said that a lot too but the teachers say she's friendly with a lot of children and joins in lunch time games. She got a gift from another girl and told us the girl isn't her friend!

It sounds like there are changes in friendship groups. I hope it works out for your DD.