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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Swimming does my daughter have to do it?

114 replies

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 20:13

My daughter is in year 9 and the high school she is at has a pool. She has recently got soft contact lenses and much more aware of her appearance. She refuses to wear her glasses and it takes her a while to put them back in. She only has 15 minutes to change after the lesson. She also has shoulder length curly hair which she styles into ringlets with gel. After she comes out of swimming when it dries it goes into a frizzy ball and looks dreadful (like she has been electrocuted!). I have written to school to say that we don't want her to do swimming. We are happy for her to do any other sport. The teacher has said that she feels she should do it. I know swimming is not compulsory after keystage 2. Does anyone know where we stand with this. Can I refuse and ask for another option. There are no medical grounds. But there are self esteem issues and name calling.

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 01/10/2008 21:40

A lot would depend on how good a swimmer she is. If she can't swim, or is a weak swimmer, then a skill that may save her life is more important than appearance.

missblythe · 01/10/2008 21:40

Does she shower after swimming? There are loads of products that she could use on her hair to beat the frizz, whether she has time to dry it or not-don't they have dryers for them to use?

A serum, cream or the gel she's already using would surely help her get her ringlets back to normal of she really won't wear a swimcap.

janeite · 01/10/2008 21:42

Oh fgs: is this a wind up?

I refused to go to swimming lessons as a child, after having a scare in the deep end (developed a headache or poorly tummy every swimming day).

Tonight, aged 38, I have been for a swimming lesson to try and right this stupidity of mine.

Make her do it. And buy her some of that John Frieda stuff to use afterwards if the hair is really such an issue.

fishie · 01/10/2008 21:42

formidable alas this is my fate. i swim and have curly hair. am resigned though, perhaps you get your daughter a bobble hat.

Blandmum · 01/10/2008 21:42

Really? I don't care much what I look like.

I'm always clean, and reasonably tidy. But the people I work for are more interested in what I do, rather than what I look like.

Original poster

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 21:42

No showers or dryers and only 15 minutes to get to lessons. I don't think its vain to want to look reasonable.

OP posts:

cory · 01/10/2008 21:43

But if she is being bullied, why not act on JuneBg's suggestion and let her adopt a hairstyle that does not make her look odd after swimming?

Tbh though I don't think opting out of activities is going to cut down on bullying. Having been bullied myself, I don't think that's how these things work.

(would have been helpful to have told us about the bullying earlier- it did sound as if it was you and her who cared about appearance)

Blandmum · 01/10/2008 21:44

Cory, I was also bullied at school, and likewise found that it really didn't matter what I did, or didn't do.

SqueakyPop · 01/10/2008 21:45

Get her to tie it back!

Tell her to tie it back!

Don't be a spineless mother. You will do her no favours.

Habbibu · 01/10/2008 21:46

A swimming pool with no showers? how odd.

Original poster

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 21:47

I tried to crop her hair once and she looked like a boy and was teased even more.

OP posts:

JuneBugJen · 01/10/2008 21:48

If its long then perhaps putting it in a French Plait before school would do it. Not much escapes those! Again, if you cant do it, how about a hairdressing lesson?

cory · 01/10/2008 21:48

formidablelady on Wed 01-Oct-08 21:39:57
"If you went into work with hair that looked like ait had been dragged through a hedge backwards would you feel happy and confident all day. Would your boss and colleagues not say anything to address it sometimes maybe sniggering behind your back."

As long as I'm clean, why should they care? How many grown-ups are that interested in other people's appearance? My boss is interested in the quality of my work.

I know teenagers are different, and I do feel for your dd, but at the same time, it is part of our job as grown-ups to help them get these things into perspective. She will be going out soon into competitive world where work needs to be done regardless of whether you worry about your appearance.

Original poster

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 21:49

I am not a spineless mother I agree with her. And before anyone says it I am firm with her as appropriate.

OP posts:

Blandmum · 01/10/2008 21:49

Tie it back and slick it into a knot until she gets home?

I can't see how putting her lenses in can take that long. It takes me about 30 seconds.

She still has 15 minutes!

SqueakyPop · 01/10/2008 21:50

You agree that gelling her hair into ringlets is more important than swimming lessons?

Hmmmmmmm.

SqueakyPop · 01/10/2008 21:50

I don't think any solutions suggested her will suffice.

Original poster

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 21:51

Cory depends on the level of your appearance. Trust me her hair would be unacceptable on any level without products/styling.

OP posts:

cory · 01/10/2008 21:51

I don't believe you are a spineless mother: only that you are doing her a disservice if you let her think that opting out of activities out of consideration for her appearance is the way to get on in life. It isn't IME.

janeite · 01/10/2008 21:51

But the point is, we don't think you SHOULD agree with her - and that by agreeing with her, you are nurturing a belief she may form that a) appearance is more important than exercise, b) if you complain enough you can get out of doing things you don't like and c) mummy is weak and will let me have my own way.

But who are we? Ignore us and enjoy all the fall-out later - it's up to you!

SqueakyPop · 01/10/2008 21:52

I would accept her hair whatever it looks like.

When you say unacceptable, you miss out the 'to whom'. Are these people really worth bothering about?

JuneBugJen · 01/10/2008 21:53

Has your dd tried having her hair professionally straightened? I know it is not a great idea to reinforce the whole curly hair bad thing but if it is really causing her grief then perhaps try it out?

cory · 01/10/2008 21:53

formidablelady on Wed 01-Oct-08 21:51:23
"Cory depends on the level of your appearance. Trust me her hair would be unacceptable on any level without products/styling."

Unacceptable to whom? If she attended our local secondary, people would just have to accept it as gel products are not allowed and hair has to be tied back for the appropriate lessons.

Original poster

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 21:53

Squeakypop you are correct I think I will sign off now as I can't get the information I am looking for. I guess we are all entitled to our opinions but I don't agree with most of yours.

OP posts:

SqueakyPop · 01/10/2008 21:54

You might want to name change. Somehow, your current handle doesn't really suit.

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