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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Swimming does my daughter have to do it?

114 replies

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 20:13

My daughter is in year 9 and the high school she is at has a pool. She has recently got soft contact lenses and much more aware of her appearance. She refuses to wear her glasses and it takes her a while to put them back in. She only has 15 minutes to change after the lesson. She also has shoulder length curly hair which she styles into ringlets with gel. After she comes out of swimming when it dries it goes into a frizzy ball and looks dreadful (like she has been electrocuted!). I have written to school to say that we don't want her to do swimming. We are happy for her to do any other sport. The teacher has said that she feels she should do it. I know swimming is not compulsory after keystage 2. Does anyone know where we stand with this. Can I refuse and ask for another option. There are no medical grounds. But there are self esteem issues and name calling.

OP posts:

IdrisTheDragon · 01/10/2008 21:18

We had to wear a swimming cap when we did swimming at school.

MaryAnnSingleton · 01/10/2008 21:18

I had to wear brown knickers for PE too but it was hardly nightmareworthy you are being a bit precious, no ?

MaryAnnSingleton · 01/10/2008 21:19

boys at ds' school had to wear swimming hats too

cascade · 01/10/2008 21:19

most of my girls wear shorts and vest tops over their swim suit, once they become more confident they tend to take them off, why dont you suggest that to the school, is it body issues she has or just she doesnt want to get her hair messy.

Brangelina · 01/10/2008 21:20

You don't need prescription goggles, normal goggles will do. Make sure you get a good pair that remain watertight in the pool. I swim, windsurf and dive with my lenses in and have never had any problems.

As for the hair, I used to have very curly hair and in the days before serum I just used to tie it back tightly. No faffing about with styling. Just tell her to slather the frizz-ease on and she'll be fine.

Am a bit at these excuses, there is a solution to everything if you put your mind to it. If she's so worried about her appearance tell her frizzy hair is better than cellulite any day.

Imawurzel · 01/10/2008 21:20

Swim lesson fun?
Weekend swimming is fun.
We never did swimming at school even though we had a pool.
All 3 schools come to think of it. Only did swimming in first school.
Never did cooking either. which is probably why i can't really cook these days.

MaryAnnSingleton · 01/10/2008 21:22

why wouldn't swimming lessons be fun ?

SqueakyPop · 01/10/2008 21:25

Why doesn't she tie her hair back into plaits after swimming? This will totally prevent any frizzing.

All the girls at my school have to have their hair tied back at all times. It doesn't kill them.

Teach her that there are more important things than looks. It's an important lesson and somethng that a 13 year old can definitely cope with.

(as an aside - as a Chem teacher, I would be very concerned with girls having lots of hair products on. I wouldn't let them near my bunsens).

muggglewump · 01/10/2008 21:27

I can sympathise with your DD as I would have been the same at her age had my school had a pool, in fact I hated PE as I was crap at it and also worried I'd break a nail
However, my Mum told me tough shit I had to do it and that was that, it was a good life lesson, we have to do things we don't want to, that's the way it is.

If DD is the same as me, I will sympathise with her but there will be no notes or asking if she can sit it out, she'll learn the same lesson that I did, I'll jsut be a bit nicer about it than what my Mum was.

Original poster

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 21:28

I really am surprised at some of your reactions. To those who made helpful suggestions many thanks. I still don't want her to do it so if anyone has any experience or suggestions regarding procedures I would be most grateful.

OP posts:

Zazette · 01/10/2008 21:28

to be fair, WouldYouCouldYouWithAGoat suggested the swimcap, and she deserves the thanks not me - I just wondered why you were ignoring her! but actually, I do use one on my own mop of wild wiry curls (I swim on my way to work most days) and it is absolutely fine. I am perhaps less preoccupied with other people's opinions of my swimcap than you and your dd seem to be though.

also agree with Brangelina re the lenses - I got contacts specifically so I could go snorkelling and diving, with goggles there's no problem.

if she just hates swimming that's fair enough, of course, but these are flimsy reasons to object to it

cory · 01/10/2008 21:28

It's a brilliant life lesson to teach a young girl, isn't it? That her Mum thinks preserving her appearance should come before doing activities. And then they wonder why women are still not equal with men

A girl I knew failed her last year at school because she was late every morning due to needing to spend so long in front of the mirror. Her Mum seemed to think it was reasonable . She has since pulled herself up by her bootstraps but it's been hard work.

cory · 01/10/2008 21:29

Dd tells me hair gel is banned at her secondary. Makes sense in context of chemistry lessons etc.

JuneBugJen · 01/10/2008 21:31

Sympathise with your dd as I hated the whole games thing quite often. But, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger!
Does she really need to be excused from this? I had hideous asthma but still batteled on at games in a vile skirt and aertex that didnt get washed from one term to the next. I am scared to say it but perhaps its a bit character forming having to do things you are not keen on.

Imawurzel · 01/10/2008 21:32

there's being TOO vain and being a tad vain.
I don't go overboard on makeup or hair or outfit in the mornings, i make sure i'm dressed ok, hair brushed and swept back and don't give a monkeys about makeup unless i'm going to the pub to catch up with mates, which has only happened once since i had my DD 9mths ago. Or they come to the house.

Original poster

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 21:33

Its not me or her that is pre occupied with her appearance. Its about self esteem, being bullied and promotion of mental well being in my opinion.

OP posts:

fishie · 01/10/2008 21:34

what an interesting first post.

JuneBugJen · 01/10/2008 21:34

Is she being bullied? That must be awful for you. Sorry to hear that.

SqueakyPop · 01/10/2008 21:36

If it is about self-esteem, tell her she is beautiful whatever her hair looks like.

That is far better than making an effort to make her hair just-so.

Blandmum · 01/10/2008 21:36

Real self esteem comes, IMO, is about being happy with who you are, not trying to make yourself fit in.

because if they are having a go at her about her hair, sitting out the swimming lesson will not stop them.

they will have a go at somethings else.

the bullying is am issue that needs to be sorted, not by attempting to side step it

Original poster

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 21:36

Yes she is being bullied but the school are generally handling it well and fishie wish I hadn't bothered.

OP posts:

JuneBugJen · 01/10/2008 21:37

How about taking her to a hairdresser who could suggest ways of taming it after being in the pool by using clips/ties etc.

cory · 01/10/2008 21:38

Have to admit I too hated PE. But I don't necessarily think I should have been let off even so.

I think the thing that is getting you flamed is the suggestion that you think a 13yo should be encouraged to think so much about her appearance.

If you have other reasons for worrying about the swimming, fair enough- but you haven't told us.

IF there is bullying going on, you should make an appointment to meet the teacher/head of year/headteacher to sort that out.

If you have other reasons not to want her to do swimming, make an appointment- but do think about it beforehand and try to see it from their point of view. How serious are these reasons going to appear to them? How easy would it be for them to arrange an alternative? (My dd is disabled and often cannot join in PE but they have no extra staff to let her do other activities so she does a few exercises on the side, but is basically left to hang around a lot).

JuneBugJen · 01/10/2008 21:39

Then you must do what you think is best for her. If you think that swimming would make her an easy target for bullying then I think you have every right to be cautious about it. Initially I thought you were being precious but now I can see why you are wary. My dh and his family have very curly wild hair and they are all obsessed with it!

Original poster

formidablelady · 01/10/2008 21:39

If you went into work with hair that looked like ait had been dragged through a hedge backwards would you feel happy and confident all day. Would your boss and colleagues not say anything to address it sometimes maybe sniggering behind your back.

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