pfb -in fact only child - off to secondary on Thursday...

[MaryAnnSingleton]

am being calm but every so often panic strikes me - ds is fine about it, it's just me fretting about roads to cross/ money for the canteen - will it get lost/stolen, what about the lockers, arghhh ! Plus,as with the beginning of every term,I'll miss him - I love having him here in the holidays !
It also means that I have no excuses not to sit at my desk and work on the job I'm meant to finish by the end of Seot...

that's fab magenta

what do you think of this...and maybe I'm over reacting ? Ds' purse was empty when I looked today,he'd apparently lent a boy in his year some money,after he'd spent his own lunch money. I got a bit lecture- y saying that he mustn't give his money away willy nilly as it's for his lunch - I put in enough for lunch and a bit extra for emergencies,not much,about a pound or so. Also concerned in case it was because he was made to hand it over, only suspicious because the boy is one from his old school who has been not very nice to him before - of course I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Told ds to ask the boy for it back tomorrow anyway. Also said that he shouldn't lend money because I can't keep topping it up for him to hand out to others etc...I do go on a bit, but wanted to impress on him the im portance of responsibilty for his own property..on the other hand I want him to be kind but not to be taken advantage of - he would be seen as a bit of a soft touch you see. I feel like a stuck records going on at him.WWYD ?

I would monitor it very closely MAS. Money can quickly cause problems in schools.

In terms of emergency money for ds1 what I have done is:
In a envelope in a small separate pocket of his bag he has 'emergency money'. This is 2 x 20p in case he needs to phone home and £2 in case he loses his lunch money or his bus pass, as this would get him safely home.

I've signed over the seal of the envelope and told him to only access it if he needs to, and to let me know if he has.

that's good advice roisin- will see tomorrow if the money is returned,meanwhile he has £2 in his purse and have told him on no circumstances should he think of lending any money until he has bought his own lunch and only if he has been repaid the first amount. Will think about an emergency envelope but chances are ds would forget he had it ! It's tough, but I guess it's another lesson to learn in ,managing your own things/money/dealing with other people.

btw, he seems to think that any money left after his lunch is spare and ndoesn't count,which is why he handed it over I think...I told him that I used the change each day to go towards the next day's money.

With ds1 to encourage him to use his money wisely and budget and think about how much different options cost, I have agreed that any 'balance' at the end of the week is his to keep.

Occasionally he buys a chocolate bar after school before catching his bus, more often he goes to town on a Saturday to buy a pack of Pokemon cards or similar. (When will he outgrow that junk?!)

ds has no clue about money really - he has never been one to want things/new stuff -if you ask him what he'd like for presents he never really wants anything or asks for anything..not to make him sound like a saintly boy, but he just doesn't seem to want to acquire things. You have to suggests things - I'm always itching to spend his money with him, but...He has a fair amount of savings as a consequence ! You'd have a job actually getting him to spend anything though. I explained that I can't afford to finance his giving away his change though. I also told him that I would be very angry if I found out he was giving money away before he'd even bought his own lunch..think I pressed my argument home firmly there.

I wish DS was like that MAS - money goes through his hands like water.

I too would want DS to be kind to others in the hope that someone would be kind to him should he need it, but would hate for him to be taken advantage of by an older boy. FWIW I would be like you and probably over react with him

I think roisins idea is a good one with the emergency money in a sealed envelope (for his use only).

DH thinks I was being mean asking DS to hand over any change left every day for it to be carried over, so whatever DS does not use for his lunch is now his, although we did find that giving him £2.50 a day was too much and he had loads left, so we cut it back to £2 per day. Although he does take a capri sun so he does not have to buy a drink.

thanks bellavita - I was worried that I was over reacting - am thinking seriously of roisin's envelope idea still...will see what next few days bring. I want him to be kind and thoughtful but certainly don't want people to take advantage of him - a delicate balance really...

ds1 is a real miser and doesn't spend much money. He has over £100 in his pocket money account saved up from birthdays and so on. He only gets £1 pocket money a week.

For Christmas I've decided he's not getting any money. If rellies send cash for him I'm going to spend it for him! He needs some new clothes

He doesn't ask for loads of stuff and never has, but he "would like" all sorts of things, including new trainers and Wii games. But he doesn't want them enough to spend his own money on them

Money burns a hole in DD's pocket!

argh ! I despair - today he lent the rest of his change from lunch to the same boy,who has promised to pay it all back tomorrow and will not ask for money again...difficult to lecture ds about it as he has a friend home to tea now...actually friend who is in yr 8 has told ds that he wouldn't give his money to anyone..maybe that might convince him...grrr,though

Oh bless him.

Do you think that this boys parents could be having money issues? Do you know who they are?

How about threatening him with a packed lunch if it happens again?

yes, have thought of packed lunch..I suppose it's a lesson he's going to learn,who to trust to lend money to and who not to.
This boy wasn;t v nice to him ages ago at junior school but ds pointed out that that was then. The boy comes from I'd say a nice home, no apparent money probs - don't know the parents to speak to,though have seen them around and the younger brother is very sweet. The mother has cancer so I think there may be understandable pressure /stress from that. Would you speak to ds' tutor,if you were me, or leave it and see what happens ? I don't want to wade in all heavy handed. I don't think ds is being bullied into giving money, just having his kind nature and gentleness exploited.

Tbh, it would really bug me not to, but I would leave his tutor out of it for the moment.

See what happens tomorrow ie. if he pays the money back. If not and he asks for more and DS gives him it then I would give him the packed lunch for a while, then when you go back to lunch money, give him less so there is no extra money to hand out.

mm, good advice. He has a packed lunch on Thursday anyway. Will see what happens tomorrow. I don't think he'll get the money back but as long as he stops being asked, or if he is asked,that he is able to say no...thank you

Oh dear, this isn't easy is it MAS?
Do you think he understands why you don't want him to lend his money out?
Hope you get this sorted.

think it's dawning on him !

no money asked for today, but then again no money returned...

Not exactly a breakthrough MAS for you, but at least a step in the right direction?

Is there a difference between football and rugby boots? DS will be playing rugby from next Monday and this weekend I will have to source some boots from somewhere............ will also have to go out into the garden to pluck some money from that tree again! Hope it has reproduced since last time..

yes, a step in the right direction I think...
think rugby and football boots are the same - ds plays both in same boots.

Rugby and football boots are the same thing in this house.

MAS - that sounds like progress in the right direction. Hope the loan is re-paid soon!

Thanks ladies.