What do your Year 7 kids do after school when you’re working?

[welshweasel]

DS currently in Year 5 so needing to think about school options for secondary. He is currently in an independent school, where he’s dropped off for breakfast at 7.30, then picked up any time after 5.15 having done extracurricular clubs, can stay later and have tea if needed. It’s worked brilliantly as DH and I both work full time out of the house. We’ve not had to worry about ferrying to activities and the routine has worked well.

We’re not in a position to keep him there for secondary (fees have doubled since he started there) so looking at other options. Our catchment school is 1.5 miles away, so he’d leave home to walk there not too long after we leave for work, so that would be ok. They finish at 2.50pm so he’d presumably walk home then be alone until we get home with our youngest just before 6.

Anyone in a similar position? What do your kids do? How do you stop them from just sitting on an Xbox for hours, which would be his choice?!

The other option open to us would be state boarding, which would get round the supervision issue and ensure he can do lots of extracurriculars still (loves sport and music) but he’d be away 4 nights a week and I’d miss him!

Anyone care to share how they have navigated this issue? Thanks

School i taught in finished at 3.10 (and that was a few years ago); my dc’s school was similar and another local school was 2.50.

Lunch breaks are shorter to control behaviour and often school starts at 8.30. Research shows afternoon lessons don’t go so well. .

There’s quite a lot of state boarding schools in the UK. The education is free, you pay for the boarding, but it’s a lot cheaper than private day school fees. They often have excellent facilities and extra curriculars on a similar level to a private school, some are academically selective too. The boarding varies, some have a small number but others will have up to half their pupils boarding during the week - it’s a good option if you work long hours or move around with the military etc. Downside is kid being away from home 4 nights a week!

There are quite a lot of them.

A lot of the boarding kids have parents in the armed forces or who are crown servants and it provides educational stability. For them, the boarding fees are covered.

I went to one - a lot of the non-military parents were things like rural GPs or hospital consultants where the hours made it hard to provide extra curriculars without some kind of full time nanny, or lived in very remote areas. The boarding fees were private and the education free. Some are comprehensive and some are grammar.

In my day there was no weekly boarding - we had Saturday school and loads of sports and activities at weekends. We went home at half term and exeat weekends. I had a great time there and am still friends with most of my year group almost 40 years on.

Yes DH can probably work from home on Fridays

At our high school they finished for the day around 3.20, and in y7 we encouraged them to go to after school clubs as much as possible or the library for homework; these usually went on till half 4. Then they’d walk home and be back by 5. Flop and homework.
Then it was Covid and we started working from home a lot more, so were around for more of after school.

But for the past few years of secondary, they’d come home straight after school, flop for a bit, then do some homework, all without our involvement. We probably had screen time limits when they were younger so they had to choose what time they’d be online for; as they got older and more sensible we took away the actual limits but they had to get their homework done. One would usually do it straight after school and the other would usually do it later in the evening after dinner.

His school is 25 mins drive away so no friends within walking distance. He has one friend a 2 mile cycle away and he does that independently, plus will go to the shop etc. I’m sure once he starts there he will meet local kids he can hang out with. I think I’m just remembering all the time I spent in the park as a teenager getting up to no good!

I would love that, but the chance would be a fine thing…more likely to be playing footie in the park and eating rubbish.

Yeah the exercise thing worries me a little. He does 7 hours old sport during school hours plus at least 3 after school sports clubs at the moment, he definitely won’t be as active but I guess will be walking 1.5 miles each way to school and back which is something.

Mine went to a childminder after school for yr 7 (& possibly yr 8). Just turned 11 is too young to be home alone. They did homework and messed about until I collected them at 5.

Sounds like I probably just need let him figure it out himself and not worry so much!!

No secondary school childminders round here. We’re fairly rural.

I’m definitely keen to look around. I can see the benefits. I went to boarding school and loved it, but I don’t want to project my childhood onto him.

For some DC afterschool care may be appropriate but I don’t agree with this blanket statement and it’s not helpful. An NT 11 yo (and in yr 7 they may be almost 12) is not too young to be home alone. Plenty of DC are left for short periods from an earlier age

I think it comes down to the individual child - some love it, some don't. If they are natural joiner-inners and like being with people it helps.
And you get to like your parents loads - as they're not the ones telling you to go to bed, or why haven't you tidied your room, or why are you wearing non-regulation uniform...

In your opinion.

Mine was getting 2 trains into and across London at 11 on their own.
Thousands of children are on their own after school in Y7 - they're not 5.

I think he’ll be at the age when he needs to learn some independence and managing his own time.

I was always home for a few hours before my parents, and would let myself in the house, make a snack, watch some TV, and then play music (piano, guitar etc.) for hours and hours until they got home. Sometimes I’d go for a walk or run if I felt like it.

But I was an extremely responsible teenager. My Dsis was definitely not the same, and once she started secondary I definitely had to become her babysitter or else she’d get up to all kinds of mischief!

Mine went to a childminder after school for yr 7 (& possibly yr 8).

Good grief.

It's a great opportunity for him to build up independence.

You can look for outside activities he can do that aren't at school - there may be sports clubs hosted by external providers elsewhere (or just going swimming or playing football with friends), music lessons, tutoring, etc. He could be responsible for cooking a meal one evening a week.

But if that's not appealing - Lots of kids would gravitate to video games or whatever if there were no consequences, so you need to make sure there are. Positive consequences for doing what he should be, not just negative for doing what you don't want.

You can tell him he needs to get his homework done first and check it when you get in. If he hasn't the xbox goes in a locked cupboard until you get home the next night and can see he's now up to date. Alternatively (or maybe as he gets older) it's not about checking every night, it's about him keeping his grades up. He gets to choose if he spends time on video games and how much, but if his grades slip you go back to closer supervision.

The important thing is to show him you are interested in the work he's doing at school. Sit down with him and talk about what he's learning, what he enjoys, share your passions with him. Make connections between what he loves and things you do or he could do. Laugh with him about the stuff he dislikes and has to do anyway and share (mainly positive!) stories of how you handled that when you were in school, uni and now at work.

He's going to have a fair bit of time on his own, don't let him feel like it's just a black hole to you.

At 11 I think they’re fine to be left alone a whole day or even overnight (wouldn’t do that btw but think they’d be fine). But there’s something a bit depressing when I think about an 11 year old being alone for a few hours every evening - maybe I’m soft! I’d see about extracurriculars, if he did two a week and wfh Fridays then he’s only being left to it two days a week.

Sadly, in a society which expects both parents to be working in order to afford a decent standard of living it’s the reality for many.

I agree, but that’s the way it is. Not everyone can work flexibly. That’s why his current setup is so great, he does all his clubs at school and we don’t have to worry about leaving work bang on time to make pick up. I’m gutted he can’t stay on at his school to be honest, and I think that’s why I’m finding this hard. He’ll be fine on his own, I’m just sad for the opportunities he won’t be getting. We can do some evening clubs for sure, but he’ll be doing a lot less than he is currently.

Ds school is 8-230. Mainstream secondary school

DD just came home and let herself in and then just got on with whatever she wanted. Sometimes it was gaming, sometimes it was reading, Homework was her problem, if it didn't get done, then she'd be the one getting detention. (Obviously we asked occasionally how much she had and gave help when she requested it, but I'm not managing an 11 year olds time for her)

Sometimes we'd leave a note with jobs for her like the hoovering, she'd always empty the dishwasher when she got in or put a wash on the line if needed.

If she wanted to go out with her friends after school, that was fine too as long as she text us to let us know beforehand.

Extra curriculers all started at 6 so there was always someone home by then to give her a lift.

On the other hand, I think a child should be able to entertain themselves for a couple of hours a day - especially when they have something like their homework to do!

As children didn't we all spend time alone developing our own hobbies? I wasn't an only child but I enjoyed from about 11 the chance to take the dog for an hour's walk, the opportunity to bounce a ball against a wall and a bit of time sat on my own playing with my gameboy.

It's a skill that genuinely needs to be developed to be able to spend time in your own company. There are lots of young people nowadays who feel too self conscious to go to a cafe or a restaurant on their own. It wasn't too long ago that singles went on holiday without friends!