Year 7 daughter overwhelmed at secondary school despite support in place

[Tinkerin]

My daughter is in yr 7 started well but massively burnt out by around week 2 of term 2….

Since then she’s been getting gradually even more overwhelmed and anxious and exhausted.

Shes not being bullied and she’s is a fairly small school but she says the classes and corridors make her feel that she has to be alert for danger all the time and she’s fine the pressure of all the work overwhelming. Shes not yet found a best friend or small social group so she feels on the edge of groups.

She is having maximum support at school. Transition pass, 5 min to leave the classroom if overwhelmed, can wear PE kit , soft start…

But none of this seems to be working.

She says she needs someone to talk to at school each day but often that can’t be arranged. And even then , I don’t know if that would solve the issue.

Before half term I just couldn’t bare the anguish any more so she had Friday off but now is crying about going back on Monday.

She is getting assessed for adhd / autism next month but until then we can’t be sure of the underlying issues…

Any help / advice would be much appreciated

Thanks 🙏

It may be relevant when the school does their afternoon registration. If it's before 1.25pm then in terms of attendance statistics it's a lot better than missing morning registration every day. Coming in late means she's potentially missing PHSE every week if it's in morning form time, and assemblies too. Maths/Science/English teaching may be disproportionately in first period.

She could go to bed earlier rather than get up later.

It may be less burdensome on staff to walk her out at 1.25pm rather than in at 10am.

I know none of that matters compared to her being able to access school but just pointing out some of the possible practical issues.

I work in an inclusive mainstream comprehensive with a good reputation for SEND and while some kids do leave early, the only ones with permission to come in later tend to have medical issues like T1 diabetes and Chrohn's which pose issues in the mornings sometimes.

Thanks for sharing - I cannot get her to go to sleep any earlier than 10pm, she’s not been able to sleep earlier than since toddlerhood. Her mind is very active and takes a hours to switch off despite healthy sleep routines, supplements, meditation etc. it’s busy the way she’s wired. Also I don’t have capacity to pick her up at 1.30pm and id be worried avoiding lunch break entirely will make her crowd / noise tolerance even worse. And she be isolated from socializing with her peers.

@Tinkerin I do think the school are being reasonable with this suggestion. Probably the majority of young people of this age struggle to some degree in the mornings - biologically it would be better for most secondary pupils to start later.
An early finish is less disruptive all round, the pastoral things are clearly happening first thing and this way she gets her attendance mark for both morning and afternoon which arguably benefits both her and the school overall. Lunchtime or part of lunchtime can easily be built back in once things are more settled for her.
And to be honest, your issues with early pick up are not their priority and is a problem for you to resolve. If she doesn't attend school at all you will have even bigger problems to address.
Wake her up an hour or so earlier so she has more time to prepare for school without rushing which only adds to the anxiety. They've offered for staff to meet her, take them up on that. An early finish will accommodate any tiredness in the afternoon from the earlier waking and over time her sleep pattern may adjust to compensate for that.

Thanks for the feedback.
Honestly - I already do wake her up early and allow plenty of time. It doesn’t work as it’s turning up and getting out the car which sets her physical anxiety symptoms off and she goes into a freeze state.
I can’t collect her at that 1.25pm. I wouldn’t be able to work. It’s not an option. But regardless. I do feel and can see the extra hour of sleep will aid her in so many ways.

Also - I agree that many teenagers would probably benefit from a later start biologically. However, her situation goes beyond normal teenage tiredness. We are dealing with severe anxiety, hyperventilation, panic attacks and increasing difficulty accessing education. The reason I’m advocating for a later start isn’t because it would suit her preference, but because it appears to be significantly reducing her distress, overwhelm and helping her attend school and social connection with peers

Your work must be very disrupted already if you're dropping at 10am and have only got till 3pm? I'm not clear how dropping at 8.30 and picking up at 1.30pm makes any difference. But anyway - hopefully the ECHNA can get done soon so you are in a better position regarding understanding her needs come September.

I mean to add, has she tried melatonin? If she hasn't, see if the paediatrician at the ADOS will prescribe it. That's when we got it and it made a huge difference.

Im self employed and see clients 9am - 2pm.
my husband can drop her in the morning.

she hasn’t but I’m concerned about her getting dependent on it / taking extra medication. She currently sleeps well. Just later … she doesn’t have issues staying asleep and I wouldn’t want to mess with that..

I would also try melantonin, it can be bought online

Could she have an hour in the nurture base rather than coming home at 1.25.
My son has always attended school full time but basically never had a full timetable, he had a few hours in the nurture base each week instead of DT / Art (different subjects while we worked out which were best avoided - noisy ones in his case).

They won’t allow her to leave classes unfortunately…

what do you think would have helped you at the time?