How can I best prepare my daughter for secondary school?

[Quokkafeet]

I often see posts about school readiness for 4 year olds - make sure they can put their own shoes on, recognise their name, zip up their coat etc

I'm now somehow at the stage of sending my firstborn DD off to secondary and wondered if we could have a similar thread! She's not 11 til the end of August and seems so young still. I know she'll rise to it but how can I best prepare her?

Particularly welcoming comments from parents who have been through the secondary years, or secondary teachers!

Make sure she is used to pecking her own bag and making her own packed lunch (not essential but I can't be arsed to make my own lunch let alone theirs). That's it. Presumably they will have transition days. If they will be getting a different bus or something check they know where they are going.

I've packed 3 of them off to secondary school and never done anything special at all with the exception of a careful drive of the bus route for the autistic one. The NT ones were fine just knowing where to get off.

Ooh great idea for a thread, following. I’m a teacher and my daughter is starting secondary school in September, my only advice is really shallow but I would let her have any of the ‘on trend’ items she wants e.g. back pack etc even if they all have the same one 😂

I wouldn't worry too much.

The transition days will help and the school will have tired and tested methods for helping them adjust.

Practice things like her public transport commute or cycle ride if necessary and encourage her to be responsible for packing and organising her own belongings more.

Get her more independent.
If you currently organise her pack lunches, or school equipment stop and get her to do it herself.
Get her organising her own homework.
Get her to play out with friends on her own.
Get her to plan the route to school and do a few trial runs (with any friends who she might travel with).
If she doesn't have a mobile phone, now is the time to get her one.So you can monitor it with people that yiu know. And she can work theough situations when people are dicks (or she is!) Make sure you have all of the safety features heavily in place. I would monitor her phone a lot more heavily when she starts the new school as well
If she has friends who aren't going to her new school, try and get her to spend more time with them outside of. school now. Often the friends goes to school with at high school will drift apart. This can make her quite isolated. Having some old friends to fall back on can be really reasuring.
Is she doing a transition day? They can learn loads of stuff there which makes it less daunting.
If you have opportunities to go to the school for other reasons, do that a bit.
Importantly, don't make it into too much of a big deal. Banging on about it, say how nervous you are or how young she is around her will make seem like a big huge thing.

Practice route to school
Start having systems for bag packing and checking timetable.
Make sure she has somewhere to do homework
2 pencil cases, one for school bag and one for home

If she is a bit lacking in awareness then tips like
. even if she knows all the answers don't act like Hermione bouncing out of her chair with keenness
. talk through what reaction she should give to other people's behaviour (eg drugs or bullying then report, minor rule infringement that doesn't impact her then ignore)

Social media / phone rules. Easier to relax later than get strict later.

Parent and secondary teacher here.

Practise the journey on foot/ on the bus route in advance in the summer holidays. If she is taking a bus, look for landmarks and discuss what to do if it doesn’t turn up etc.
Get her used to sorting out her own school stuff after the SATS and remembering PE day etc, as she will probably have a two - week timetable and possibly have PE and Food Tech on different days each week.
The transition day in July that most schools have will help with familiarity with tutor and other key staff, plus a sense of the school’s layout.

Discuss any concerns in a calm, matter-of-fact way. All Yr 7s will feel nervous about making new friends, the size of the school and the ‘big kids’. Focus on the exciting new opportunities and clubs.
Down the line, it’s really common for Yr 7 and 8 girls to have to negotiate the change in friendships, when they pull away from old friends, make new ones and negotiate groups. That’s when having made connections through extra-curricular activities or outside school can really help.
Pretty much more time is spent in secondary schools with girls dealing with phone/ social media issues than anything else. Monitor the phone, don’t allow membership of platforms before the relevant age-limit and discuss how to negotiate spats online in a respectful way.
It’s good to have something outside of school like Guides or dance as another social realm.

It’ll be fine - it’s like any other stage of parenting, it has its joys and tribulations.

Great advice so far thanks!

She has a basic flip phone not a smart phone and we aren't planning on getting her a new one. Hoping that will suffice but really don't want to go down the smartphone road yet.

On trend items I'd already thought about. I pass the kids from her secondary at the bus stop every day and there seems to be an unofficial uniform of black Nike rucksack. I hate to buy into the trends (when actually she would probably prefer something bright and cheerful!) but I do remember the importance of this from my own school days!

The journey is her main concern, we're just over 2 miles away, it's a good cycle route or a public bus. We will practice both between now and then. Other than that she hasn't expressed any worries so I'm just being positive about it on the surface while worrying about it all myself! Like pp said - just like any other parenting stage!

Pretty sure there is a transition day coming up after SATS.

Very sensible re phones and increasing numbers of parents are doing the same, having learnt the hard way with older children or seen the fallout with their friends’ children. Totally agree re brands - the black backpack is king in the city I live in and the one I work in , a thankful and more practical alternative from the totally impractical designer bags of a few years ago. A bit of personalisation re cute plushy key rings à la Hello Kitty/ Miffy etc seems to be on trend and there’s definitely been a move away from the conspicuous consumption re bags, shoes and coats from a few years ago.

Do some What Ifs:

What if the bus is late
What if she leaves her bag on the bus
What if she feels unwell at school
What if she gets lost at school
What if someone starts picking on her

Definitely practice the route a few times, and if she's not used to go places by herself yet start letting her so she can build up her independence and street smarts before September. Especially get her to practice taking buses on various routes if she'll likely be taking the bus so she gets a lot of experience and used to paying herself and figuring out what to do if the bus is late.
With the backpack its up to her but if she wants and you can afford it, maybe get her the popular backpack first and if she feels comfortable enough later on to go bright and cheerful then get her a new bag then. If she's confident enough already then go straight for what bag she wants.

Great tips so far.

Something I picked up from here when DS1 started was to have a magazine file for each day of the week so they can keep the books in the right days for each lesson. He also had a printed timetable on his wall and one in his blazer pocket.

He has also got into the habit of packing his bag the night before (mainly to maximise sleep in the morning!)

DS2 starts in September so I'm hoping he will pick up on his brother's good habits and do them as well

DD's school almost all the exercise books stayed in school so no carrying too and fro.
We did have a decent quality A4 plastic wallet for carrying paper sheets.
And another for French that for some reason did send stuff home.

Transition day. There was none in my day and I freaked going from a small school to a big one with lots of classrooms and different lessons.

If she’s going by bus/train ensure she has money or card (monzo) to buy drink/snack. Or get her to pack a drink and snack for then. Does she have a mobile phone? Might be good to get one if not.

This is a really good idea thanks!

So many good tips I'll come back to this thread and make notes! Thanks all

Re on trend items, I recall I got a trendy (but walkable) pair of new shoes for secondary and my best friend was shocked my mum had bought them for me as they were so nice!

If she gets headaches put some painkillers in her bag with a plaster. Refillable water bottle.

Get her into the habit of checking she has all her stuff. Our secondary doesn't have lockers and if you leave your PE kit somewhere forget it you are never seeing that again.

If no smart phone ensure she know route off hand and if necessary roads around the school in case she gets lost but encourage her to stay with friends when leaving school. If she wants eg a latte after school with a friend at Costa maybe get a gift card for that.

I'd expand that:
A small pencil case / cosmetics bag with
Clean knickers
Sanitary pads
A bag to put soiled items into
Calpol fast melts
Plasters

You could take her somewhere like Muji or Sostrene Grene to pick out school stuff.

Great idea! I’d add small bar of chocolate or 2 finger Kit Kat for period time munchies.

Oh another thing. If she finds herself alone on public transport/street, reminder about safe people to talk to and not to do so, if they approach her, what to do when evenings get darker.

It might sound mad (and mine started just after lockdown so life had been a bit limited anyway) but I took mine for a few trips into the small town where the school was and walked them from school to the off site sports pitches, school the the various car parks in town where I might pick her up from, school to ballet. Technically, DD knew where all of these places were but she’d never been responsible for getting herself from one to the other. Also, she’d never really been to places like Costa as that’s just not something we really do as a family so we not only figured out the routes from school to there but also went in to them and I basically taught her how it worked (where to order, where to stand while it worked, tried a few drinks over the course of the summer so she knew what she liked). I also lurked around the school at finish time to clock what bags, shoes etc they all had. I still let DD get the bag she wanted over the summer holidays but we went cheap so that, as anticipated, it could be replaced at the end of week one with a black Nike one!