How can I best prepare my daughter for secondary school?

[Quokkafeet]

I often see posts about school readiness for 4 year olds - make sure they can put their own shoes on, recognise their name, zip up their coat etc

I'm now somehow at the stage of sending my firstborn DD off to secondary and wondered if we could have a similar thread! She's not 11 til the end of August and seems so young still. I know she'll rise to it but how can I best prepare her?

Particularly welcoming comments from parents who have been through the secondary years, or secondary teachers!

Is secondary kids getting Costa a thing? That is something I hadn't anticipated but has been mentioned twice now 😂 there isn't a Costa in the village near school but there is a different coffee shop which she has been to but never ordered herself. Adding to the list!

They are knackered for at least a half term after starting Y7 so be prepared for that.

I would buy her two sets of stationery, one for her school bag and one for homework. So many kids say 'I haven't got a pen/ruler because I was using it for homework last night and forgot to put it back in my bag'.

Totally echoing @Sazzlesw2 - and my DS has SEN so supporting with organisation is essential, incl:

• we bought those A4 plastic zip wallets with different coloured zips for each subject, and have a set of 5 magazine files on the shelf, with the wallets arranged by day according to the timetable stuck on the wall next to it. Wallets come out of the file and into the bag the night before, then when he gets home, they go back in the file for the next relevant say
• timetable stuck by the front door incl all the random extra things needed each day, eg art apron, lab coat, games bag
• timetable in blazer pocket
• get into the habit of spending 15-20 mins when getting home jotting down some notes about what she has covered in lessons that day. This is a great first step towards embedding revision techniques that will become essential later on (DS still not great at this one 🙄)

I think go with the expectation that the first half term might be quite tough, and don’t catastrophise about it - it is very likely, by the October half term, everything will feel much more settled. Friendships take time to form, it takes time to get used to getting yourself around school.

This one depends on personality! But encourage DD not to get overly stressed about the threat of detentions. Accept that she will screw up occasionally, and it is not the end of the world. A detention is a natural consequence for messing up, and hopefully she might learn from the experience and not do it again.

Do give extra-curricular a go, great for finding your tribe.

And this might be a slightly longer burn one, but encourage DD to approach teachers herself if she is struggling or doesn’t understand a task. Secondary school is so much more hands off compared to primary, and she needs to learn to have confidence in approaching her teachers on her own. They’d much rather have a student come to them early needing support, than just failing to turn homework in because they panicked and didn’t understand.

My DD is off to secondary in Sep too, but as my second child, she has seen her brother go through it already and has a huge amount of confidence that he didn’t have. Nevertheless, I expect there will be things come up that take us by surprise!

Great thread. I agree with everything people have mentioned. Nothing more to add but just to say that with my first DD I was really blasé and thought she would breeze through but it was actually a really emotional transition for us both! Fortunately the pastoral support she got at secondary was amazing. Honestly so so so good. If your child is struggling do reach out to the pastoral team. My second DD is due to start the same school in sept & im nervous for her as all of her close friends are going to a different school. It’s a bit annoying as actually she could have got that school too but she wanted to be with her sister & has now unfortunately changed her mind so she’s already a bit wobbly about the transition. Im definitely going to focus on getting her into some of the sports clubs to build new friendships as that’s what she loves.
good luck everyone.

Has she got a bank card, like a Rooster card that you just put money on so she is limited in what she can spend? Good for emergencies but also for beginning to manage her own money.

I remember DD going to McDonalds with her friends and we gave her some cash. All her friends had cards so they could order on the touch screen and tap to pay but she had to go up to the counter. Social embarrassment!

From miserable experience I would say don’t get the bright and cheerful bag if everyone else has the black Nike one.
Y7 is not the time to stand out.

I found it useful to go through the school's website with them, discuss the rules, club options, look at different subjects. I found it helped them feel prepared.

We also practiced and timed the different routes they could take to and from school.

I gave my kids a bit extra for breaks/lunches during the first few weeks so they could try out new things, then we'd discuss what they liked, didn't like, anything from home they might want to take in instead.

I'd also recommend some grab and go breakfast and snack options for them to have at hand. All of mine went through times of not wanting breakfast at home and just grabbing something on the way out.

As others said, it's normal for them to be quite tired and also emotional. I found my sons particularly struggled emotionally with the shift at first - my younger son struggled a lot through most of Y7 emotionally with the changes and the behaviour of his classmates, with my daughters hitting it more around Year 8 as their first secondary friendships were starting to have issues they'd never had before.

Is secondary kids getting Costa a thing? That is something I hadn't anticipated but has been mentioned twice now 😂

Not Costa, but 2 of my kids went to a school that had a LIDL built nearby and it became normal for some kids to grab bakery items from there on the way in.

My oldest and youngest went to schools near the train station, and with my youngest, his key worker ended up talking to me about him regularly picking up things from the train station shop on his way in and how it was normal due to their location to see which first year kids having that freedom who were then coming down from sugar crashes or caffeine. We ended up putting in a new, bigger breakfast that he makes for himself the night before to grab and go to help him.

Thanks for this thread. It’s a really good idea.

We have an August born son starting in September. He says he’s excited to meet new people. I feel nervous for him but trying not to show it. He is on his primary school’s SEN register (no EHCP) and has found transitions hard in the past. Organising his own things, listening to instructions (he has APD), reading and handwriting are all areas he can find difficult. I know there’s unlikely to be as much support at secondary school, even though it’s a good comprenshive school with a wide range of pupils.

Our older son is year 11 now (same school). He’s academically strong but did find year 7 hard. I echo a PP’s comment that the pastoral care was really good so do ask for help if you need it. And that gives me some comfort for our youngest.

No issues with trendy bags because they all have to have the same bag (which seems like madness to me in terms of losing bags but hey ho).

Agree with aiming for more independence before they start. Practice bus routes. We are lucky that it’s walkable and he walks to primary school already and has started popping into a local shop on his way home on Fridays.

Good luck to all our ‘babies’.

Some great advise on here. Having done this several times, my best advise is to set aside some 121 time with her, on a regular basis, to talk about school and anything that she is proud of, happy about, concerned by etc. It can be seen as “not cool” to be seen communicating with your parents, and hormones kick in soon, but if they know that you are their safe space, that you are still their parent and love them, that you understand that growing up comes with challenges and questions, and that they can ask you anything, confide in you, ask for advice, guidance or help, and that you will be there for them; still interested in their lives, and impress on them that they should never “lie” to you, simply because there is no need to, you won’t go far wrong,

I'm so glad I started this thread this morning, thanks so much - so many things I would never have thought of.

I realise all schools are different, but are 'packed lunches' generally a thing in state secondaries? DD goes to a primary that has no packed lunch option, you have to have the school lunch. She is saying she's so looking forward to packing her own lunch which is quite sweet but I'm honestly not sure I remember anyone having packed lunch when I was at secondary (admittedly this was nearly 30 years ago though!)

My eldest takes a packed lunch as she’s not keen on the choices. Tbh I think most kids have school dinners but it’s different to primary school & she can just decide on the day if she wants a school dinner she can have one. I’ll be starting my youngest on school dinners.

My dd1 was quite quiet & only really had 1 friend that was going to the same secondary school as her. But honestly, she made friends almost straight away. One friend is still one of her closest friends to this day although they live 100+ miles apart. Nobody can predict how it will go for any child and you do have to naturally take a step back at secondary as you're not getting texts all day like in primary! That's how it was for me, anyway

Ps the secondary years absolutely fly by!

Make sure she can look after her stuff bottles, bags, pe kit all that stuff the amount of bottles my brother has lost is insane. This is cuz if it gets left in a classroom or the cafeteria or whatever it will never be seen again!

Thanks for sharing. I feel like it has all flown by already 😭 I think she's more ready than I am tbh!

I had a packed lunch as I couldn't be asked with the cafeteria que when I was in school a good few years ago now but did occasionally have school lunch.

This one is definitely going to be a struggle, in fact general personal organisation skills don't seem to have arrived yet! I think in secondary they feel the consequences more though so she'll naturally get better. Hopefully!

Encourage her to get the bus into local town where the school is independently or with another friend who will be going to same school. Let her mooch around the town,give her some money to buy a snack etc .pMy children were all traveling independently into our local town before starting secondary school.

I fretted over this with my daughter who is now currently in year 7. She's quite immature for her age compared to some her own age group and she's also much much smaller and not as physically developed as most of her friends due to a chromosome rearrangement. She does go to school with her older brother so in her first weeks I didn't worry too much over her getting to and from school. I did have to allow her to go alone when her brother was off school sick and honestly she did better than I thought she would. She now travels confidently herself as her brother is in year 11 and finishes later due to extra after school revision. She's fitted in and adapted so well especially considering she went to a different school from everyone she was in primary school with

If this is the case I'd have cheap waterbottles and stuff until she learns no trendy bottles until she can learn to look after them. My brother has been demoted to a coke bottle as he kept loosing them!

If she’s not naturally organised please teach her systems to be organised and don’t assume it will happen naturally!

First couple of weeks (so a full timetable cycle) sit with her every evening and unpack her bag and put everything away in the right place so she can find it the next time. Then look through homework and teach her how to plan doing it ‘this one is due tomorrow and this one is due Friday but you have Scouts on Thursday so you need to do both today’. Then teach her how to check her timetable and pack her bag the evening before, after she has done her homework.

A list to check before she leaves in the morning ‘phone, wallet, locker key, glasses, lunch, water bottle’ near the door is also useful but only if you teach her to check it. Routines are super important!

This is great advice and to be honest I've never bought expensive stuff for school for this reason. She also isn't at all bothered by trends yet thankfully!

My younger son has ADHD, his needs are quite severe and he loses everything. He had a mineral water bottle for ages that we just kept replacing. Then in the first term of Y3 he kept the same one and the same jacket and didn't lose a school jumper all term and he asked for an air up bottle. I bought one off vinted for Christmas and he lost it the first week back! 🤣

Prepare her for it being a lot stricter and more structured than primary.

Brilliant thanks.

We have a version of this already, we have two post it's on the fridge, one for each child with bullet points of the things they need to pick up or have done on leaving the house. Eg teeth, hair, bag. It has really worked and i don't need to question/ nag them about any of it anymore which I felt was enabling the lack of organisation rather than helping

Great idea for a thread!

I would say make sure she is very clear about body boundaries and who to tell if a boy touches her inappropriately or tries to pressure her.