How can I best prepare my daughter for secondary school?

[Quokkafeet]

I often see posts about school readiness for 4 year olds - make sure they can put their own shoes on, recognise their name, zip up their coat etc

I'm now somehow at the stage of sending my firstborn DD off to secondary and wondered if we could have a similar thread! She's not 11 til the end of August and seems so young still. I know she'll rise to it but how can I best prepare her?

Particularly welcoming comments from parents who have been through the secondary years, or secondary teachers!

Yeah she won't be getting a smartphone in y7 and I know lots of children going to her school who won't either. Not giving into something I don't feel happy with just in case she misses out (I know other parents are comfortable so will make a different choice!) I work in primary and see SO many issues with WhatsApp even in primary. Thankfully the tide is turning around where we live and I know she won't be the only one.

Thanks for the stationery tip! One thing she doesn't have really is the maths equipment, I need to sort that.

Really good suggestions. This is definitely a conversation I've been putting off having but need to have. I think this is what's unnerving about this stage of parenting girls - you know you're about to send them out of the sheltered environment of home and primary school and they're going to see the reality of the world!

I think the best thing you can do is simply build her self confidence and encourage her to stay in her lane and not involve herself in all the drama.

There is A LOT of drama especially in the first year or so. There are some kids who are constantly in the middle of things, swaggering for attention, kicking off, gossiping, spending hours on group chats. Don’t let her be one of those kids. Encourage her to find a lovely supportive group of friends, keep her busy doing things she enjoys, monitor her phone and keep her out in the world doing real stuff, not creating drama or playing into everyone else’s.

It’s really just about keeping life nice and normal, making sure she is happy and feels loved and she doesn’t just sink into wallowing in her room on her phone. Things settle down a lot once they’re in Year 8, but again, staying busy and not getting sucked into drama and becoming one of those kids who just sulks vaping in the park.

Year 7 and Year 8 here. Re bags, I opted for one larger rucksack which would fit PE kit in as well, rather than having seperate rucksack and bag for PE kit. Having seen the many parent messages about lost PE kit on the bus, I am glad I did this. I have given up on the battle about wearing a coat (neither keen but DD will relent if it is tipping down!) I laminated a copy of the two week timetable (they have a pocket copy) and we discuss what lessons they have in the morning so they can organise their bags. Thankfully exercise books don't seem to come home. I also oversee homework on the app and help them see how to organise the time and priority to do these around their after school activities. Our secondary school do seem to make an effort to support Year 7 but also clamp down hard on behaviour and rules from Day 1 to instill the rules which I warned my two about. Good luck to everyone joining Year 7 in September

Have a look at the Be Awesome and Go Big resources from Hatchette Press - great for supporting transition to secondary school!

On the smartphone topic, most schools have apps for homework and timetables. I’m sure there must be a work round, but if you’re insisting on her not having a smart phone then I would make a plan now for what that is.

Having had one go through secondary and one about to start, I am firmly in the camp of allowing them a smartphone with strict limits and boundaries, including no social media until at least 13. Dealing with technology (and people who misuse it) is a life skill.

Smartphones can be needed for homework apps/portals and even school bus passes.

Your intentions are good, but you might have to be more flexible on that.

I think you are doing well and she'll be fine. You are preparing far more than I ever did and mine have all survived. Youngest is 23. The time flies by.

Double check uniform rules in advance- there are always some kids who arrive in unacceptable shoes or wearing earrings etc and that sets an awful tone for the year.

Check what shoes the kids in the other years are wearing to give you an idea of the balance between cool and acceptable.

Advise her to join plenty of after school clubs, sports teams etc. It’ll mean she mixes with a bigger pool of people and so is more likely to find someone on her wavelength.

Prepare her for anonymity with regards to her teachers at least for the first few weeks. Kids who have been the main character at primary school often struggle to adapt to the lack of individual attention.

Read up on year 11 buddies etc- they can often help show the little ones where to go if they’re lost or feeling a bit fraught.

Get her going into shops, the cinema, cafes etc and paying/ queuing/ asking for her help by herself to build independence. Ask her to make her own breakfast and lunch over the summer holidays. This really helps eliminate any primary school neediness.

There’s an old documentary series still on BBC iPlayer called Our School - follows kids moving from primary to secondary. DD found this really helpful and I think reassuring.

Yes to previous poster about an umbrella! The girls come home dry, while the badge of honour for the boys seems to be how soggy they can get.

Encourage her to arrange her own meet ups with friends - parents don’t usually organise these after year 6 so good to encourage independence.

Also bear in mind secondary school often relies on students to relay info to parents, so encourage her to keep you informed. We don’t get emails re sports events etc.

Hope she enjoys it.

If sporty at small primary school prepare to not necessarily be first team sport at secondary. Teams and streamed subjects seem to move around a lot in year 7 whilst they tried to find the level and came as a bit of a shock. They adapt / change so quickly in the first days and weeks- enjoy the last days of your year 6 and the school runs !!

I agree with the smart phone thing, I totally get your reasons for not wanting to but since high school my daughter has a lot of homework that is to be done on app platforms, science, reading and maths. Her school timetable is also on an app on her phone and they also receive updates on this/letters home.

I also have life 360 so I can track her if I need to, not so much in year 7 but from year 8 it was ‘can I go to so and so’s after school’ and of course in high school you don’t get to know the parents etc.

Mine isn't having a smart phone and neither are at least 3 quarters of her year 6 class as we have all signed the Smartphone Free Childhood pledge. She can use a tablet at home at the dining room table for homework apps. Having had older kids go through secondary I am never making the mistake of giving a year 7 a smartphone. I think things are changing rapidly with kids and smartphones so stick to your guns OP

Our school have already communicated to parents in the welcome letter that there is no requirement for a smart phone so I'm not worried about that.

Ours do provide a chrome book for homework.

Thanks that's good to know. Crazily the biggest source of pressure I've had about smartphones is from other parents! DD isn't bothered at the moment as none of her friends have one, they text each other on a pay as you go sim cards, when the credit runs out it runs out and there aren't any group chats.

I think the smartphone culture is changing so rapidly that many of the parents of slightly older kids on here are genuinely part of a different culture! Our school is smartphone free in Y7-9 and none of my daughter's friends are getting a smartphone.

But I'm another one who is worried about the bag/coat question - while DD is oblivious. She recently found a brightly coloured tie-dye 'Hype' bag and proudly said that she would upgrade to it from her old smiggle bag she's had since year 1 in order to be more trendy at secondary. I can't work out how hard to tamp down her non-conforming side, and would love some advice from those who've been through it.

Our secondary is also smartphone free and only brick phones with no camera are allowed (in bags not to be seen). I think it’s great!

My child has a bright coloured bag and it fits her personality - they already have to wear a dark coloured uniform so a bit of colour is welcome in my opinion :)

I have a year 7 and many of her cohort don’t have smartphones. The school don’t allow them and whilst I’m sure lots have them hidden or at home, I don’t believe those without have missed out on anything. My child doesn’t have one and won’t be getting one any time soon. Interestingly they pressured much more for a phone at primary school, they’re not bothered now. They do have a brick on PAYG which is sonetimes used.

Ok, how about kids that live across two houses….organisation is already a nightmare. Any tips?

I signed the smartphone pledge. Then realised she was massively missing out - landlines don’t really exist anymore and nor does ‘ringing someone for a chat.’ Loads of her class would be teams calling and playing games together and she was getting pushed to the periphery. I got her one and locked it down so she can only access certain things - it functions similarly to a dumb phone now but with WhatsApp and video calling etc

I wouldn’t be so confident that not having a smart phone won’t be a big deal. Smartphone does not equal social media. But it does equal having a social life! Like it does for adults

Honestly, I tried all sorts to try and prep my eldest, we did the bus route, I showed him timetables etc and on day 1 as he was asked out of the door, he said “what bus was it again” to which my head was in my hands thinking it will be a disaster. My instinct was to drive him in, but I refrained and downloaded the travel app. He was the least independent kid I knew but do you know what, he figured it all out. From day 1, he packed his own bag, downloaded the travel app, makes sure he’s got PE kit, makes sure his homework is done on time. I couldn’t be prouder in how well he has adapted and he’s figured it out on his own terms rather than have his mum fussing over him. He knows that if anything out of the ordinary happens to give me a call or text which he often does, but the rest of it, he cracks on. He’s dealt with bus breakdowns, forgetting PE kit, missing the bus, being bullied, meeting me somewhere else after school, forgetting his key the lot and aside from the nasty bullies, he has thrived in Yr7.
one thing we have always done is when he gets home from school we have a good chat about the day so he knows he has that time and space to decompress and any worries he ever has are then shared with me so they’re not festering with him.

Strap in for some friendship drama although year 8 seemed to be the worst for that with my girls.

work out where you want to contact school and where you don’t - our school is pretty helpful but did expect kids to become resilient too (not bullying stuff but typical friendship or teacher issues). I tended to take schools lead whereas a couple of my friends would be demanding change/action at the most minor hiccup and I felt quite a lot of guilt I wasn’t advocating enough. But actually my kids weren’t their kids and both of mine are pretty resilient and independent heading into 6th form. I found it a mindset change in comparison to primary. Same with detentions. I have a chatterbox and sometimes I have no doubt she deserved to be kept in at lunchtime. One friend of mine refused to ever accept her darling could need to be kept in - does no favours in the long run.

dont buy too much uniform. They are either in the growing like weeds phase or about to hit it.

pick your battles uniform wise.

I’ve noticed that the boy down the road from me was either picked up from secondary school on foot or met half way on foot by one of his parents. This was dropped after 6 months to a year and he’s now fine by himself (a 15 min walk). All the other local kids get a bus 2-3 stops away either to or from the schools. You do often see local
school kids either at lunch or after school at the local supermarket.

We're also not doing smart phone. Plan to use any homework apps at home on a tablet at the table. Perhaps naive but definitely sticking to it for now. He'll have a card to get around on the bus as well as a bank card.