Daughter being excluded from prom

[user1471497170]

My daughter is year 11 and sits GCSEs next month. She has struggled throughout the whole of secondary school with friendships, MH/school anxiety, behaviour and approximately a year ago almost got sent to pru. She has never settled in school. However she has made significant improvement, not on any behaviour plan, is revising hard and should pass GCSEs and do her chosen subjects in college.

She has autism, anxiety and some physical health issues that are likely linked. Getting her into school is a struggle as she feels unhappy there but we make the effort and her attendance is good.

Although much improved her behaviour score is not high enough to meet the 90% prom threshold (reminders, uniform points and gokng to toilet when not permitted). She was informally told this week the final decision is that she will be excluded from prom.

Now all the girls have their tickets and she is beside herself. They are all making plans and talking about dresses and she now feels unable to continue going to school due to feeling so distressed about this. She is worried how she will cope with the sense of exclusion having to keep hearing about prom in school and assemblies

She's now at home. I have written to the school and submitted 2 complaints over the last 2 months however I have not received a satisfactory response. There has been no communication to me from the school about their decision or how they will support those excluded. Please can someone advise how I can escalate this further and if possible externally.

So much bigging up and expectations now. Our leavers ball - held in '89 at the end of UVI - was just a dance held in the school gym hall, with a simple buffet. The DJ might have been one of the teachers or parents for all I remember. All girls school but the boys from our "brother" school were invited. I didn't have a "date", but nor did lots of other girls so I seem to recall that we just danced in a group or something. Gowns were probably from River Island or something so nothing stupidly expensive. Nobody was excluded, but it was a private school, and we were all 18 or nearly 19, so we knew how to behave. It was just a rather muted affair, nice though.

The very worst student social event I ever attended in 35 years of teaching was a sixth form event from a private school…

It will cost far more in the long run when children grow up unable to work due to lack of education and mental health issues directly related to school trauma.

Unless she's literally absconding - which would not be described as going to the toilet- that has literally nothing to do with Safety at the prom. They aren't telling mum she's at risk of disappearing from the prom. They are saying she doesn't have sufficient points. It appears to be being used as a sanction in hindsight.

Leaving the classroom without permission is absconding.

You can't trust that individual at all.

Must apply to any pupil who does anything without permission
That's a very small.prom.

That's the point, 90% of kids do what you want, when you want them to. The 10% that don't, get no prom.

@Warmlight1actually most students do manage to behave. Most students make the occasional mistake but maintain high levels of behaviour. The vast majority of students don’t claim to need the toilet and then walk round school. The majority are impacted by the few who can’t be trusted.

The majority end up having prom and other treats cancelled because a few students can’t behave and their parents (and others) insist this is ok and the students are poor, misunderstood darlings who just need more time, more effort, more everything. And the vast majority of hard working well behaved students have the prom cancelled like you suggested.

And where is the research stating that depriving kids of social opportunities enhances their compliance?

So you are acknowledging that it is being used as a sanction?

That is a sanction for non compliance of one kind or another. As opposed to a measure around the prom which is about their safety.

Quite frankly, I couldn't care less if it increases or decreases compliance. That ship has now sailed and the OPs child can't go. The carrot was there in the first place and the OPs daughter didn't meet the bar. All the children I've ever taught who couldn't go to prom more than deserved the consequence for their actions.

Humans are social animals with social structures and rules. Most people want to "conform" to be "included" in society. OPs daughter didn't conform so is excluded from the social event.

Wow

Non compliance in school also indicates that you cannot be trusted outside of school. The two cannot be separated. The evidence the school has from the child's behaviour is non compliance is acceptable to the child. Staff shouldn't have to put up with that at a voluntary event.

"It will cost far more in the long run when children grow up unable to work due to lack of education and mental health issues directly related to school trauma"

"School trauma". ,😂

You do realise that children have died due to suicide based on trauma faced at school.
I hardly think the death of young people is something to giggle at.

45% of SEN students leave school without having reached level 2 attainment - ie 5 GCSEs at grade 4 or above. What’s funny about that? It’s a disaster.

"You do realise that children have died due to suicide based on trauma faced at school"

I think it is an exaggeration To call someone being excluded from prom for failing to meet criteria they have previously been advised of as "trauma"

I'm not saying missing prom is the trauma - im saying schools and LA continuous failures in providing even the most basic of necessary support to children with SEN is one of the biggest causes in mental health difficulties and is directly caused by school.
This has long term consequences long past CSA

I also don't think a deciding factor in a child being able to work and contribute to society is if they get to go to one event or not. However, SEN children being failed for absolute years is.

The earlier and better we support children the better the outcomes.
Children needing support in yr 1 (because they are struggling to keep up with peers) but still not getting it in yr 9 are now not 6 months behind they are 8 plus years behind.
A 6 month gap is fairly easy to catch up with the right targeted support a 8 yr gap will never be made up

Do you honestly think a kid who has regular meltdowns and throws chairs around the classroom (despite lots of adjustments in place to support them and lots of send support, allowances made etc) should be permitted to attend prom, even though they've been warned a number of times that could be a consequence, and supported with other strategies to release their energy?

I have a secondary age kid who has a kid in his year does this. At least once a fortnight chairs get chucked in the classroom. Yes other kids have been hurt on occasion.

Should that child be allowed to prom? When there's a significant risk they'll chuck a couple of chairs, could cause actual damage in a external venue, could well hurt someone? Schools have to do risk assessments for stuff like this. The risk is too high

That's exactly the point. It's not hard to do a risk assessment when it's very obvious a child can't be in that environment and nine times out of ten the parent would support that and even drive it because they want to protect and they might find ways to work with the school to.make it safer. .
The OP said the child had not accrued enough behaviour points for previous behaviour. Or something like that. It appeared the prom was being used as a sanction. That's completely different. Also its retrospective for behaviour from a year previous.

If they repeatedly do it yes, this isn't from a single incident

I really don't see the problem with prom being used as a sanction either?

Kid misbehaves, they don't get to go to prom.

Bit like in work, you don't hit performance measure, you don't get your bonus.

I think in this case, the teacher is only following the rule that was established beforehand. This raises a broader question: is it reasonable to use behavior points to decide whether a student is eligible to attend prom?