Disappointed with private school

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Hi all

Is anyone else finding they are disappointed with their very expensive private school choice. The issues we’ve encountered so far:

• Kids whole year group WhatsApp has two or three kids on there threatening to ‘find each other at school’ and insulting each other. Lots of comments deleted and I dread to think what they say
• School failed to put child on the coach despite DS asking several times if his coach was ready
• The more academic clubs which were advertised as popular in the schools marketing material don’t actually exist. The co-curricular lead only talks about sports in his emails and fails to respond to requests about the academic subjects
• DS went to a few clubs this week and only one or two kids were there, even though they are open to the whole school and it’s meant to be an academic school (85% 9-7 at GCSE level)

Im starting to think he’d be better off at the local state comp with parental input. He comes home far later than all his state primary school friends. He’s home by 5:15pm after the coach. Whereas the state school finishes at 3:15pm. He’s stuck on a coach with most of them on headphones and scrolling through ridiculous Tic Tocs and YouTube shorts. I told him to do his homework which he has been doing and he is a diligent kid so I’m thankful for that. But I feel guilty that he misses home life to be stuck on the coach and have an extra long day and for what? We would have chosen the local state grammar schools in a heartbeat but DS didn’t get in. We are in a super selective grammar area. I’m now counting the years till we can try again for the state grammars at sixth form. The only thing I’m holding onto is our local state comp scores 35% 9-7 at GCSE compared to 85% at DS’ school. If it wasn’t for this I think I’d pull him out. I never wanted to go down the private education route. This is a lot of money for us. DH went to a private school and I went to the local state comp, we ended up at the same Russell group uni so I don’t personally see the need like he does for a private school.

Please can others share their thoughts. Thank you 🙏

🤷‍♀️ if you don’t like it and your child doesn’t like it, move him.

Child really likes it and that’s the problem. DS likes it despite the issues. But I personally think he’d be happy anywhere as he’s very adaptable.

I think it sounds awful. Quite apart from
the horrible long commute it sounds like a dreadful school. My dislike of some private schools is that they have no interest in parents concerns and are not
accountable. Why would you pay thousands of pounds for this?

I don’t think I’d send them whether I had the money or not. I’d rather spend the money on the odd tutor or sports club.

I taught in a private school last year. £25k per year school with waiting lists. I wouldn’t send my kids there if you paid me. Yes the kids were happy there - because they messed around the whole time, one giant playground. My specialist subject is swimming and they were paying me a lot to be there. Yes I was there on every single show day. As we’re the other 2 specialist swim teachers. On a normal day, it was one of us plus a handful of totally unqualified grads who didn’t have a clue. Any prowess/results all due to the fact that all the kids had specialist tuition etc outside of school.

Oh god, save your money. In the nicest possible way, if he didn't make it into the super selective grammar, he might not be able to achieve top GCSE grades anyway. Imagine if he comes out with a perfectly respectable set of 5/6s and you've spent tens (hundreds?) of thousands of pounds on something you don't even really like!! Use the money on tutors, or even better amazing extra curricular clubs, activities, holidays etc.

It also always makes me laugh when people think that kids who go to private school will be nicer/better behaved than state school kids.

And one more thing re the school I worked in - they kicked all the non performing kids out by gcse time ( my friends kid was y11! ) to protect their results.

Is there any reason why he can’t be one of the 35% 9-7 GCSE at the local comp?

85% filtered probably isn’t that different from 35% unfiltered.

At the comp he would maybe be in top sets, so with the other kids aiming for 7-9s for core subjects?

My child striving for 4s doesn't impact your child striving for 8s if they are in different classes.

As a parent whose child goes to an independent school, this sounds awful. Pull him out.

And no, I'm not disappointed with our independent school. We made 100% the right choice for our child.

I would also do local school and use that extra time he will have and money you will have on academic mentoring or coaching and extra curricular and tutors etc.

Ive also seen students 'encouraged to leave' or drop courses at private schools if not excelling so they dont impact on results and school performance.

The state school's 'pass rate' for GCSE isn't a true reflection of the school.

If you are in a super selective grammar area then the more academic kids have been syphoned off. Lets say you have 100 children who sit the 11+/Kent test/whatever. The 'top' 25 go off to grammar, leaving 75. Out of those 75 if 25 get the 9-7 grades that gives you your 35%.

What your question should be is 'How well will my child do at this school?'

Private schools can massage their exam results in ways state schools can't eg they can keep a student back a year, they can suggest students leave if they are not making the expected progress. They can offer different subjects or international GCSEs.

It sound rubbish and realistically, how long is he going to carry on doing his homework on the coach when everyone around him is on Tiktok? You've not hit the difficult teenage years yet, I would probably move him before you do. If he's academically average (and there is nothing wrong with that) he might get slightly better results at a private school, but it doesn't sound like this is the right one and if its stretching you financially it could be hard to swallow if he comes out with very similar results to those he might have achieved at a comp.
I work at a grammar and they do not suit all children and I sometimes think for the 'weaker' pupils it might have been better to have a chance to shine at a comp, than be at the bottom of a grammar. I wouldn't get too held up on Sixth Form entry either, generally existing pupils are given priority and its fiercely competitive for outside entrants, who score way beyond the published criteria.

A recent thread on GCSE results had several posters freely admitting that they felt the money they had spent on private schooling had been a complete waste. Their children did not get the results that they were expecting.
I think I’d move him.

It sounds like you have a sensible / diligent son and you are an involved / supportive parent. He'll be fine anywhere. Save your money!

My DD sat on her private school coach for nearly two hours each way everyday. Madness, she was tired and it was not explained to me either that they go around all the villages and wait at each stop
She went to the local 'sink' school for years 10 & 11. They loved her and supported her. She had some issues after the boarding school due to bullying including by one teacher.
She's been at Oxford after a state six form. She passed all her gcses but didn't get high scores. Later she got a first.
I personally think it's about the child and whether they want to be there. My DD missed her primary friends. Have a really good think about this one.

I have a friend whose children are at one of the top Public schools in the country. They both needed external coaching for GCSE and A Levels. I think the yearly fees there are £45,000
Many Universities are going to be chasing students soon to fill places. Save your money. Send him to a good comp and save your money for tutoring and university fees.

Our private school is £22k a year and is absolutely nothing like this.

Change schools or send an email detailing everything that you are annoyed about.

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be really. I love the childcare aspect. But as for the teaching I’m not sure it’s worth the money however the extra childcare hours are. My dc went to state pre school and had a wonderful time but I removed them because of so many rough and naughty children (which I’d get shot for saying irl!) and one was attacked by one of them. there are a few naughty kids in private too though

85% versus 35% is a bit meaningless assuming the private school is selective. It's more about getting bright kids in the first place than excellent teaching.

This sort of commenting always reminds me of Gary linker’s tantrum years ago. He’d sent his kid to a boarding school. His kid did badly on alll of his exams. Lineker blamed the school. 🙈 He didn’t look at himself as a parent. I expect hehad zero involvement in his child’s education at all. Also you can’t make a non academic child miraculously achieve top grades, wherever they go.

But OP I understand this isn’t you, you sound like an involved parent. It’s a tricky one if he loves the school. It does sound bad. You don’t want to alienate him. Have you written to the school to highlight your issues? Are they feasibly changed? Will he get into a decent state school nearby?

Fwiw I went to the worst comprehensive school (and local college, as the comp school stopped at 16). The majority of kids there never went to uni. One set the school on fire. One locked the teachers in a room etc etc etc. But some like me, did go to uni. I expect that’s because we were the ones with supportive parents.

Ive sent my children to a fantastic private school. Absolutely none of the issues you describe. Very happy with it, and glad they don’t have to go to an awful school like I did.

The journey alone would make me want to move him (although tbh I wouldn't have chosen it in the first place - how did you think this would work, and what's changed?). Some of the rest could be teething troubles. It's not uncommon for Year 7 social media groups to have some questionable posts on (not saying this is good) and most of them tend to break away from the big groups and create smaller ones.

35% 9-7 at GCSE sounds good for a state school in a super selective grammar area. Actually it sounds better than 85% at the private school once you allow for intake.

The disparity in results is that the private school doesn't accept less intelligent children. Your son would most likely make friends with kids like himself, so they would all get 9-7 at GCSE anyway.
The only difference is he might have to put up with more disruption in the classroom.

It sounds like you're not getting any of the things a parent would hope for in a private school, I would move. As PP have said, the 35% GCSE stat is probably reflective of the intake. It will be the full range of abilities and parental support. Most schools set by academic ability for at least some subjects to allow for this. My DS was at a school with a similar figure, he got all 8/9s for his GCSEs and so did his friends. He was encouraged and supported, as were the students who got lower grades, but got what they needed for their next steps.

Not all private schools are selective. In fact many are not.