Still struggling with year 7 transitions?

[Bob104]

Is anyone else’s year 7 still really unhappy with the move to secondary?
My daughter moved from a small primary to an average size (large) secondary in Spetember.
She flew at primary had lots of friends, did well academically and extra-curricular.
She loved school and was always happy to go.
Within the first month she changed. She had some issues with a couple of boys in her class and the one person she knew from primary made new friends and “left her behind” (in her eyes). The school were really supportive and helped with the boy issues, but she just doesn't feel like she has clicked with anyone.
She constantly asks to leave, move, or just to stay home.
How long do we keep pushing for? Or when do we decide maybe its not working?
Just don't know if this is character building or cruel and we should look to move her?

If the alternative option is private, I do think that's tricky. Is it something you can comfortably afford? Would your older child feel they'd missed out by going to state. Would they lose out on things like holidays and extra curricular?

There are threads on Mumsnet where schools have had 10%+ fee increases in the last few years, have you budgeted for that? The absolute worst thing would be to move her to private, her settle and be happy and then have to withdraw her because of financial reasons.

Unless you can really comfortably afford private without compromising on anything for your other child, I would consider saying that it's off the table and that might mean she is willing to make a little more effort at her current school?

If a child was really unhappy eg due to bullying, then I would move them, but I think the situation of feeling like she has no friends could very easily resolve itself, friendships do change a lot in the first few years of secondary school, and there's no guarantee it would be different elsewhere.

My dd was the same in yr 7. I basically chatted through with her all the girls in her class - we homed in on one or two who she said seemed nice but didn't say much. I told her to try and walk between classes with / sit with one of those girls for a few days, as they may be feeling lonely too, and a friendship developed with one of them.
Once she had an anchor for between classes, she became more confident and joined a few breaktime clubs). Now settled in yr 8 and good friends with one of the girls identified above. Year 7 was a roller coaster though! I think it's very common.

My daughter is also Y7. She really wanted to go to her first choice school (she was the only person from her primary school that went but knew a few girls from her old infant school) as it has an arts focus. I felt it would be the perfect fit for her. However, she struggled with classes because they were mixed ability apart from maths and English which they streamed around Christmas time abb BBC d although she made friends, was not settled at all. Plus the school weren’t supportive as she’s on the ADHD pathway.

I wanted to give it the whole year but by February she just said “mum, I’m miserable” 😞 so I rang around other schools. She had taken the 11+ and one of the local grammars had a space, so we moved her just before Easter. I was so anxious about the move (what if we have the same problems etc) but it’s been very positive so far. She has made friends who have the same interests and is back to being her happy self.

Hi Bob104
i was just wondering if your daughter moved schools in the end? If so has it been good for her?
we’re having similar issues with DD in year 7, she feels she hasn’t clicked with the anyone and says that everyone has formed their friendship groups and she hasn’t got one. I really don’t know what the best thing to do is - how long do you give it?

Yes, We moved her in September, and she's a completely different child now.
I do wish we did it sooner, but also I can know we gave it a fair shot.

She was instantly happier in the first week, made a few friends, and is doing better all round.

The old School admitted before the summer there were major issues with her tutor group and decided to split the group, spread them across the year a few in each existing tutor and then take a few from each other group to create a new tutor group.
In the process of this they moved the only two girls she felt she had connected with to the opposite side of the year. It was so much change that whilst it was to be a fresh start in a new group it was just more traumatic than positive for her, she had no idea what she was going back to.
I told her enough was enough and she didn't have to go back, we would find a new school.
She spent the summer the calmest I’ve seen her in over a year, and her first term has been very positive.