Support thread for parents of Y11 GCSE kids with SEN - no judgement just lots of handholding!

[yawnanotherone]

From another thread, it seems that there are quite a few of us who have to approach this revision period a bit differently! I'd love to share what is and isn't working and just have somewhere we can offload any stresses in the coming weeks. I have a DS with ASD and ADD who is trying his best, but struggling with the amount of content to get through.

I must admit I've had a little cry, not sure I can articulate why, and desperately trying not to let him see me.

My head is all over the place this morning. She managed to scrape passes in science and a 6 in one other subject. Sadly the English and maths were 2s and 3s though. Much what we were expecting. The injustice of it all makes me cross too. I feel like our poor kids have been set up to fail. I wish they could have a fairer system. More coursework for example rather than all the focus on the final exam. We're off to college this morning to see what they say. Looks like she'll be fine for the Level 1 anyway. Hope you can all relax for the rest of the day. I don't think we should underestimate the toll this has taken on us all. I feel completely frazzled to be honest. Thank goodness for this thread today, thank you all for understanding how this feels x

@Greenbanana7 I know why I'm crying. Because we did hours and hours and hours of revision for exams that she was destined to fail from Year 7.

And all we hear about are how anything less than a 4 is a fail, despite putting in 100% effort and paying £1000s for additional tuition. Yet, in the same breath GCSEs aren't the be all and the end all 🤔 it's such a hideous system.

No wonder Camhs is overwhelmed. It's good to know we're not alone when all around us seem to be NT high achievers stressing over a couple of 7s in a batch of 9s.

I'm devastated. My kid is devastated. The fact that they even managed to sit exams for five GCSEs is amazing with autism, ADHD and dysgraphia, and they worked so hard despite not having nearly enough access help. Their result, a 3 and a U, plus two fours. Probably not enough for the level 1 course they are enrolling for tomorrow.

I'm telling them it will all be ok, we will work it out. But inside I want to scream.

@HopefullyHopeless I hear you, I really do. We spent loads on maths tutoring over the last year. With the English, my DD is unlikely to ever pass it, her brain just doesn't work like that. The maths she got a 3. It's all so disappointing. I totally get the sentiment of they have achieved so much by even sitting the exams etc especially when there's mental illness involved. But for me it doesn't take away the disappointment (I too was praying for a miracle that didn't come) It sounds dramatic but it's not. When all you see on the news is the capable children with their high grades you do wonder why not my child? I know she's amazing and bright but the piece of paper we now hold makes us all feel like failures and it's not right.

Absolutely.

@Lionoso A 3 and two 4s is amazing. DD has been accepted onto her Level 1 course regardless of her results - fingers crossed it'll be the same for your DC.

Thanks @Theordinary I know what you mean. It's the system at fault isn't it? not our kids. I hate feeling so bloody bitter though.

can empathise with everyone here. My son has a complex range of Sen and like others we paid a lot of money for a tutor for him. He managed to get a 5 in maths and a 4 in science and English which we are so proud of. His other grades are mostly 3s but we’re just happy he won’t have to retake maths and English. Our poor children are set up to fail and my boy has been so let down throughout his education. Well done to all of your children for persevering and taking sitting their exams whatever the result.

Congratulations on the achievement of your son.
I am considering going down the tutor route for my DD who is about to start year 11. I haven’t had her diagnosed, but she often zones out at school, is “dreamy”, can spend hours “revising “ but only a page of notes made and nothing learned. It’s frustrating!
I try to tell myself that maybe she’ll be happier in life than me ( high achiever but a lifetime of crippling anxiety), but I still feel sad especially when her friends are predicted 9s and just “get it”.
Do you think a tutor was useful, or as a PP said, a bit of a waste of money?

As expected DS’s Statistics was a 3. Paper 1 went really well but he had a bad day for Paper 2. He’s feeling miserable. Love to you all. Dreading next year. Scrap that, dreading the start of term. It’s so hard.

My son has ASD, ADHD, a genetic condition and physical disabilities. He had a tutor for maths for two years plus loads of extra help at school, plus I worked with on revision for countless hours for many months.

We are hugely relieved at his results. He got what he needed for a level 3 BTEC and he is hugely happy he'll never have to do maths again because he got a four.

So he got what he needed, but I am angry at a system which means he probably worked harder and for far longer than anyone else his year group, but got fours and fives. Meanwhile his NT friends are having breakdowns about 7s in a row of 8s and 9s.

Hugs to all SEN parents here

My son's results are pretty much what we expected, with a mix of 1s and 2s, but he did get a 3 in English lit which was quite unexpected and 3-2 in science. Off for a family lunch to celebrate the end of GCSEs and then fresh start tomorrow with college enrolment.

Ds2 got a mixture of 4's and 5's with a 6 in maths. Very proud of him, especially as he very nearly didn't survive year 8 (overdose). Hoping college will still let him do his a-levels. Well done to everyone.

Well, I am genuinely gutted for DS. He worked so hard, but it wasn't enough to get him onto any of his chosen colleges for A levels. And he's also locked out of T-levels because of his English language score (missed a pass by 1 point, apparently, uggh).

Now he has to consider a 1 year foundation course while he resits the English. There's nothing I can say to him today that's particularly helpful, even bigging up his 5s achieved in science, maths and r.e. Lots of hugs and hot chocolate today, so far.

@MrsMariaReynolds is it worth trying for a review of marking on the English? It's about £40 per paper but you get it back if they change the mark. There is a high bar these days for marks changing, but markers are all human. Something like 20-25% of reviews resulted in mark changes last year.

We've survived picking up the results and completing the college enrolment. I'm absolutely exhausted.

DD (ADHD/ASD/learning disability) got 1s and 2s as expected. The achievement was actually sitting the exams and avoiding getting any Us.

She has enrolled on a level 1 BTEC along with maths and English GCSE. I'm just hoping it's a better environment for her and with less pressure and fewer subjects she will start to rebuild her confidence again and make some friends. She's left Secondary School an absolute shell of the lively, quirky, fun loving year 7 that she was when she started. That's what has caused me to shed some tears today.

Onwards and upwards 🤞

Good luck to all our DC with their next steps. It may take some time but they'll all find their way eventually - especially with the support we all give them. Well done all the mums.

Yes, we're already in touch with his school to review the script and possibly send on for a remark. The head of English even suggested it himself which hopefully is a good sign.

Hi yes I recommend a tutor who specialises in SEN if you can find one as I felt my sons tutor had a better understanding of his needs. I wish we had found her sooner as she was so good.

Yes definitely well done all of us mums, it's been an absolutely shattering day all round by the sounds of it.
@MrsMariaReynolds i agree with @Piony about appealing. 1 bloody mark, what a close call. I'd give it to him if it was me! My DD missed the 4 in maths by about 10 marks apparently so it means the college will let her retake in November. This is better for her as she doesn't retain knowledge well so the sooner the better before she forgets it all. They don't do functional English at that college unfortunately so she'll have to try the gcse again. She's not at all hopeful to pass it even with a million retakes.
I'm going to be having a big fat glass of wine tonight after the day we've had!

Thank you! ☺️

I've failed to do any work today as my head completely in the wrong space, worrying and feeling tearful. Got to remember than no one has died, he is okay and not too upset, and this day will be a dim and distant memory one day

Hugs to you all and the children - it's so hard - we were lucky that 2/3 teachers really got our ADHD /Dyslexic etc son and worked hard to help him - DS passed all - still in shock at that and so proud that he got a 7 in PE - his favourite .

Can’t help but think our education system is really failing some kids. Please tell her no one’s worth is measure by what they get at GCSEs and remind her of all the things that are great about her.

I'm so glad I started this thread, everyone needed somewhere understanding today. Well done to all of them - they came through enormous challenges (and a global disaster!) and survived. Tomorrow a fresh new day.

I have collapsed into bed exhausted, it has been a rollercoaster of a few years and months and it has hit me like a ton of bricks today!

DS passed and managed a few 5s - I am over the moon and so proud of him not least because he found out (despite my best efforts) halfway through that his dad and I were separating. He is still doing Level 2 course next though, he needs a year to consolidate, not a leap to more pressure.

I hope all your DC find their next thing and thrive. They (and you!) deserve it

Love to everyone who really went through the wringer yesterday. DD surpassed expectations, but 3s in English and Maths which although far better than we expected does mean re-sits. Trying not to think about that tbh.

@Lindy2 your lively, quirky happy Year 7 resonates strongly with me. I feel like secondary education just strips these kids of any self esteem 😠 Pleased it's over that's for sure.