Support thread for parents of Y11 GCSE kids with SEN - no judgement just lots of handholding!

[yawnanotherone]

From another thread, it seems that there are quite a few of us who have to approach this revision period a bit differently! I'd love to share what is and isn't working and just have somewhere we can offload any stresses in the coming weeks. I have a DS with ASD and ADD who is trying his best, but struggling with the amount of content to get through.

@Jennywren8 I hope the first one went well. Cross it off the list and revel in the fact that the list is already shorter!

He said ‘it could have been worse’ and don’t know how to take that 🤣

Morning All, so it's all about to get real isn't it?! Art GCSE is out of the way and Friday is the first proper exam which is Biology. I can't see an awful lot of revision going on. I'm applying no pressure at all. She's extremely anxious but distracting herself with social media which is far from ideal. All I can do is support her I guess and keep a close eye. I'm dreading the next few weeks. I just want her to come out of it not too psychologically damaged! I still get this nagging doubt about how we are handling things. Should I be putting more pressure on to revise or not? I'm really torn.

Thursday is our first exam.

It's going to be an extremely difficult time. DD hasn't coped with mainstream school this year. The pressure has become too much.

We're not even aiming for passes. The main objective is for DD to manage to actually go into school and have a go at sitting the exams. I doubt very much that she'll be able to complete all of them but we can only hope, otherwise I think she'll be disappointed that she didn't manage it.

I just can't wait until the end of this. September will hopefully be a fresh start at more relaxed college, doing a level 1 course. Hopefully, as she now has an EHCP, college will take her even if she doesn't manage her GCSEs. 🤞 I'm not sure what to do if they don't.

All this pressure, all these different subjects and exams, has proved too much for my neuro diverse one. The summer is going to be spent trying to mend the damage high school has done.

Good luck to everyone going through this.

@Lindy2 its nice to know I'm not alone. Everyone else with kids at this age seems to be aiming for high grades and I just feel like a complete failure as a parent sometimes. I know rationally that the most important thing is her wellbeing. She self harmed again recently and I'm really worried about her mental health. She's already on prozac. I'm just not prepared to make things worse at this stage. Like you say, my DD has a place on a level 1 course as well so grades don't matter really. It's just I know how much she will beat herself if she completely flunks them. Somehow though, she still can't bring herself to revise. It's like she ls given up. We're waiting for an ADHD assessment too as her psychiatrist suspects that as well as her autism.

Hi, I have a year 11 on the pathway for an asd assessment which has been a long wait. He is ok academically, predicted mostly 4's with a 6 in maths, a 7 equivalent in music and an 8 in geography. His mental health isn't great though and we've had a lot of meltdowns, including at school. He attempted suicide in the middle of year 8.

@elliejjtiny so sorry to hear about your son. I've just been sorting out our medicines cupboard today so all of the paracetamol etc are locked away. I can't believe what I've ended up having to do but I don't want to take any chances.

Solidarity to all going through this. DS did his last year and is having a second bite at English this week. With a lot of individual support from a wonderful, lovely teacher I hope he gets through. He had a bit of a wobble in tescos this afternoon though.

Each of your comments resonates with me so much, it's a lonely place to be when surrounded by people who wouldn't think for a second that their DC wouldn't pass and not get into sixth form. My DS has gone to his room here and there all weekend to 'revise' but not sure how much, if any, he has done. He's doing it on his phone which is never a good idea with easy distractions. He has biology on Friday then quite a few the week after. Can't wait for it to finish.

@Theordinary my DS is also diagnosed as autistic and is waiting for a ADHD diagnosis- the team that did the autism assessment siad that it was highly likely he has that. He also has OCD too. Not easy.

Good luck everyone - you (we) are all doing our best by being there, keeping them in one piece as much as possible. I'm hiding away from the NT parents and their anxiety over 7-9 grades! DS is motivated now but it's likely too late to manage to revise all he needs to. So concentrating on maths and science (he's ok at English lang) and the rest having a 'what will be will be' approach!

Ds2 starts on Friday, biology, which is the one he struggles with most.

Anyone else struggling with their year 11's not wanting to do things like prom, leavers assembly etc? Ds isn't doing prom. I am hoping he does the leavers assembly and the "clapping out" when the year 11's walk out of the school hall, across the playground and through the gate after the last exam while the younger students and staff line the route and clap them. Totally selfish I know but ds2 has a lovely smile and I'd love a photo of him with his friends and joining in. He'll be easy to spot in the crowd. Amongst all the other year 11's with their signed shirts hanging out and ties thrown into the nearest hedge, ds2 will be there with his shirt, tie and leavers hoodie and a grim but determined look on his face, if you can see his face under his baseball cap.

It certainly it going to be a tough few weeks. My DD is definitely not going to the prom as she's not been to school since Jan. Also she wouldn't really have anyone she wants to go with and the bullying group of girls would be there too. I did feel sad for her but to be honest I completely understand why she wouldn't want to go. @Jennywren8 my DD is washing her hands repeatedly and they are red raw. I think stressful times make the ocd really difficult to manage.

Sorry to hear that @Theordinary OCD is a horrible affliction, my DS won't touch some of his study books because he thinks they have been contaminated by being nearby unwashed laundry. He has a prom ticket as asked for the t but fully expect he will pull out 😔

I'm sitting here trying not to fret. Son (asd)has pretty much done no revision and walks around in a world of his own.
Very average mocks of around 4 and 5 ( I say average but far better than what I ever got) but maths is going to be touch or go to get a 4. Autumn mocks he got a 2 and the last ones a few marks under 3. He has had some intensive school input during the Easter holidays,going in for five full days and i managed to find a tutor once a week since March.
After looking around college he said the only course that sparked an interest was the plumbing one so he will go there in September. In a way,getting g a 3 in maths would help him settle in and get on the level 2,where I believe if he got a 4 its straight on to a T level and needs a placement ( in which case he would need to drive).
It's a stressful time for all and I can't push him or he'll get angry so I'm step back now.

Biologu tomorrow. Daughter hasn't been to a Biology lesson for 2 years. I am a Science teacher. I could help her. No she won't do it. I hope I can get her in tomorrow.

I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but does she need to sit it? Have you thought about getting her prepared for English, maths and her optional subjects?

I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but does she need to sit it? Have you thought about getting her prepared for English, maths and her optional subjects?

She is only sitting Maths, English and Science already.
I guess it isn't too bad if she can't make it tomorrow. It hurts as its my subject but I keep that to myself.
She isn't going to pass any of them. Wr will try next year at college I hope.

Good luck to all of you and your children over the exam period. DSs start tomorrow (biology too) and he has barely done any revision - just cramming some in now and won't let me help him so feeling pretty useless

To add, we are all great parents and doing our absolute best for our children in sometimes very challenging circumstances. We deserve to congratulate each other and not beat ourselves up if they don't get the grades we think they should get, we couldn't have done more for them and exams aren't the end of the world x

Something I saw today -

And suddenly, you blink, and they're no longer running out of school on their first day of Year R screaming and crying because they can't find a window to wave to you out of* .....but they're about to head off for their first day of GCSEs.

*Absolutely not based on any of my personal parenting experiences at all.....

Exam season, however old you are when you experience it, is an absolute shitter. And so, for Jamie, for his classmates, and for everyone else about to head into exams: here's the only stuff you really need to know.

#1 Exams, for 99.9% of the population are really really fucking hard, really really fucking stressful, and really really not the best way of assessing what you actually know.

#2 Sadly, that has not dissuaded our government from throwing them around like confetti for each and every academic occasion.

#3 The thing is though, all exams really test is how good you are at exams.

#4 They don't test whether you're kind, whether you're funny, whether you help other people out and stop to pick up earthworms in the middle of the pavement and put them somewhere safe, and whether you know not to be too much of a dick.

#5 And those things are FAAAAAAAAAAR more important than any set of exam results.

#6 Exam results will open certain doors, it's true.

#7 But most doors come with more than one set of keys.

#8 If you find yourself struggling; have moments where you need to scream silently into a pillow; and don't end up with the results you were hoping for.....then I promise, promise, promise you: you are not alone.

#9 Your exam results are not going to define you. It's everything else about you which will do that.

#10 And you are absolutely bloody marvellous, just as you are ❤️

#10.5 REMEMBER YOUR FUCKING CALCULATOR! (that one's for Jamie 🤣)

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So true!

Oh I am glad I found this thread. DS is the kind funny boy who stops to rescue earthworms (and will probably tell you some weird earthworm facts whilst doing it) but can’t work out how to answer the bloody English GCSE Macbeth questions.

I completely agree that GCSEs are just testing how good they are at passing exams. DS’s grades have slowly been getting lower and lower to the point we’ll just be happy if he passes a few of them. He’s a bright lad with SEN who is just not suited to the secondary school system. He can’t seem to revise independently so I am supporting him with regular reminders and sticking revision materials under his nose… and will just hope for the best.

We’ve completely adjusted our expectations and have found some colleges where he can do Level 1 / 2 / 3 courses (depending on his final grades) which should give him a bit of time to grow and mature and find the things he’s interested in without the pressure of GCSE exams.

I do get frustrated and have to keep reminding myself that he’s done so well up to now considering how stressful it is.

As you say it’s hard when others are stressing about getting 7/8/9s and choosing A Levels.

Oh and I also wanted to say that yes their well-being is the most important thing. I know people with teens who are getting high grades, going to prestigious universities, but are depressed and unhappy.
I’ve realised the most important thing for DS is not his grades but his wellbeing so I am really trying to pull back and not pressure him.

Off to try to dig out a working calculator and some pens for the first exam tomorrow…. 🙈