Should I put my average child through 11+?

[LawyerMumAsia]

Good evening. My child is in year 4 in London and quite average (based on feedback from teachers over the years). He needs to work on this and that but is keeping up generally. Private schools are not an option for us. Is it worth me putting him through the 11+ exams for the selective grammar? Put differently, I don’t want to put my son through all that stress and extra work when, ultimately, he is unlikely to succeed in making the cut for the selective grammar and we won’t be able to fall back on private schools (eg in the event that he does well enough to get into a private school but not well enough to get into a state grammar). He only has one childhood and these years are valuable. Many thanks.

*meant to say ‘’if, ultimately..’’

Is he working at Greater Depth/Above Age Related Expectations in Maths and English? If not, I wouldn't do it personally.

Which grammar schools - selective or super selective?

Boys can develop later, try some practice papers and see the output. Don’t be worried about failure. It’s one exam (but there will be practice). I always think we often regret the things we don’t try, not the things we do.

No. I work in a prep and every year we have parents who put their kids through the 11+ despite our suggestion that it is not a good idea. Every year there’s at least one who is devastated when they fail (and often not the one we expected to be really upset - you can’t always predict how much they’ll care.) even worse when they’ve had years of tuition building up to it. I had one girl say to me recently ‘is the exam for x (private school) easier than the 11+? Cos I had a tutor for that since I was 8 and I still failed…’ she looked so sad 😞 and she is an above average child who just missed out.

go with your gut and look at comprehensive schools.

No don't. He will end up going from average in the class to the bottom of the class and feeling thick.

How does he feel about it? If he's happy to have a stab at it, without putting himself under a ton of pressure, then go for it. If he's likely to find it very stressful, don't.

You could go for it if you think he’d have the work ethic and is easy going enough not to be out off by the whole process.
If I was doing practice papers with DD, I’d focus on familiarity with format/skills tested and increasing in speed.
Being called average at y4 doesn’t necessarily translate to not doing well in an entrance exam.

the OP describes him as quite average, so presumably not! I agree though, unless working significantly ahead it isn’t a good idea.

I wouldn't, we live in an area where it's generally expected that everyone puts their kids through it's (at 2 or 3 different exams - catholic, different consortiums etc) and the outcomes at are as expected. Out of each primary school class of 30, 6 passed for grammar. If your child isn't in the top 20% if his /her cohort they won't pass - and if they do, they'll likely struggle to keep up while there.

I have 3 kids who went to grammar, one of whom has struggled with self esteem issues being in such a high performing cohort.

If it's not right for them as individuals they're better elsewhere.

No I wouldn't. My child is top at his school, worked relatively hard and still didn't make it. The kids that get in tend to be either naturally really super bright or worked very very hard by a tutor. Having been through it I would say save yourself and your child the pain of it all.

Which grammars are you talking about? If super selective eg Tiffin then definitely not. If not, then why not ask your son what he would like to do?

Many thanks, all. These are all very helpful responses.

I would go and have a look around both the grammar and your local comprehensive options. Talk to parents with kids at the local schools. It really helps you feel more comfortable with these decisions if you have as full a picture on all your options as possible. School visits are usually all held in Sept/Oct but you could check with your Education Authority.

Anecdotally, the only Grammar school option near to me is super selective and I only know one child who's ever got in from my children's state primary. They seemed to be exceptionally bright. BUT that doesn't mean a child shouldn't try if they really want to. As someone else said above, there shouldn't be fear in failure if its approached in the right way, and you can protect them from feeling any pressure.

I would, because the skills he gains in revision and sitting exams will stand him in good stead for the yearly exams he starts in year 7.

On the other hand, extra maths and English practice like Bond books or something will help them in the future wherever they end up - as long as you make sure they know it’s a long shot and fine whether they pass or not.

For context, my boys were described as average/expected by teachers in primary and I also didn’t want to stress them out. Then they got greater depth in their SATS without any extra work at all - so I’m now feeling guilty for not encouraging them to work a bit and have a go!

There are very few state grammars in the Greater London area, all in outer boroughs. Is it even feasible to get him there?

I think it's worth a try. There are definitely "average" children in my DC's grammars, and below average. I wouldn't say mine are particularly bright but they are certainly not bottom of the class, about average in all the classes. It's worth a try.

I used to be top of my class at junior school. Passed the 11+, no problem. However I never went to a selective grammar as my parents sent me to private schools, so I never was in a class of exclusively bright kids - I remained near the top of a mixed bunch. Gave me a huge sense of superiority.
Then I went to university and it made me realise how average I actually was. It was a really nasty shock.
I'd say if your child isn't obviously above average or needs tuition to get through the 11+ don't make a big thing of it. If they want to try, fine... but many people don't fit the grammar school niche, yet are bright and talented in other ways.
Don't make them anxious or feel a failure , you are not doing them any favours putting them in a situation where they'll probably never succeed well.

It's not just about getting in, it's about thriving when he's there. If he scrapes through and then he's at the bottom of his classes he'll struggle and be unhappy.

I would say no, unless he really, really wants to give it a try.

I tutor children for entrance exams for Birmingham grammar schools. It's so important that secondary school pupils feel comfortable with the academic level.

Those who are over-tutored are not going to cope by themselves once they are there.

No … grammar schools are not the place for average children to thrive. A. If they are average the competition will be too high if they get into school 2) probably won’t get in as even the very clever and gifted struggle to get a place.
my child is in the “gifted “ category ..,I never put her through 11plus as I don’t need that affirmation of her intelligence. I wanted her to do fun stuff on weekends as the revision for sats was enough. At 9 they still need a childhood and it’s alot of work for the kids and parents! Sometimes I regret it but I did ask her and she said no as she didn’t want to spend hours travelling to a grammar school.

Also I’m so lucky to live in an area with great comps! It helps and good luck!

I regret doing it with my "above average" DS tbh. He missed each exam by a few marks, and was very upset. To make it worse, his older brother got in with no extra work a few years back. There's no real difference between them academically.
He'd also done a fair bit of extra work in preparation, which was effectively wated time. I wish I hadn't made him do it.

My DD is working a year or two above her age excpected level and no way am I getting her to do the 11plus. I was with teens and the proportion having serious mental health difficulties due to pressure is so worrying. Mine are all going to the good comprehensive schools and hopefully keeping healthy.