Should I put my average child through 11+?

[LawyerMumAsia]

Good evening. My child is in year 4 in London and quite average (based on feedback from teachers over the years). He needs to work on this and that but is keeping up generally. Private schools are not an option for us. Is it worth me putting him through the 11+ exams for the selective grammar? Put differently, I don’t want to put my son through all that stress and extra work when, ultimately, he is unlikely to succeed in making the cut for the selective grammar and we won’t be able to fall back on private schools (eg in the event that he does well enough to get into a private school but not well enough to get into a state grammar). He only has one childhood and these years are valuable. Many thanks.

@Neurodiversitydoctor agreed! The school seemed to know this and put their most intellectually challenged teacher in Y6. The kids loved correcting him in Maths, Science and English and I really feel it added to their confidence 😁

I would say, you definitely can put him through 11+ with a good tutor aiming at private schools. When it comes to grammar, I wouldn't do it to a child unless it is a very academic child. But don't take it as a verdict that determines his future career chances. I know quite a few grammar graduates who didn't go very far careerwise in life and I know many people who went through comprehensive that have a brilliant career path. There are trends and no rules

How awful. Poor teacher.

Many thanks for all the useful feedback. Lots to think about.

This was mt personal experience, pushed thru the 11+ to please my parents. I quickly fell behind at the grammar school, it was quite traumatising.

I think DCs doing their last year in state primary schools after doing exams for selective schools is a problem, for both the children and their teachers !

Average plus potential ADHD - don't even think about it.

I went to a super-selective grammar, and DD (Y10, ADHD and dyslexia) is at an outstanding comprehensive.

If he is ADHD then the problems may well get a lot worse in the teen years. If he's got issues with focus and concentration then that does not bode well for a selective school that will move at a faster pace.

Even though DD has extremely high CAT scores, she struggles with focus and understanding concepts. We have had enough issues around her being put in top sets that moved too fast for her, that I am very relieved we didn't go down the selective route.

Find a really good comprehensive that sets properly and has a behaviour policy that will suit your DS. Some kids do better with rigid rules and strict consequences... we needed liberal and reasonable. You will know what suits your DS.

One thing I can say is that DD is having a much happier and healthier school life at her comp than I ever did at my grammar (and I found academic stuff pretty easy).

You could always take him to a tutor do some work and ask them what they think? Any of the work is still beneficial as it will still help with Year 6 and SATS prep.

@BeadedBubbles to be honest if 11 and 12 year old children are regularly correcting your spelling and grasp of maths/science and it upsets you, it might be worth reconsidering the choice of career. The school knew it was the safest place to put him because no parents bothered to complain one the 11+ were over.

It depends on what you're studying. Many grammar school exams feature Verbal Reasoning and Non-Verbal Reasoning prominently, both of which have been demonstrated to be very trainable and neither of which offer much in the way of transferable knowledge or skills. And yet many children spend hundreds of hours practicing these types of questions because exam prep to get access to a limited number of places has become an arms race in some areas.

Yep. A kid can pass one test on one day. Get into a grammar where they struggle because it’s totally unsuitable for them.

Kids I know with a reading age of 18 at 9 years old didn’t even get through to the second round of the super selectives, it’s a completely different world to the Kent grammars

My DS is finding the SAT work is easy and said "why is this easier than the 11+" I wouldn't say it's easier it's just different. It's difficult to keep him engaged.

They are still learning how to learn and developing good study habits. I struggle to see this as a waste of time.

How do you know your child was top of his school?

💯 this but I am a complete tiger mother and think no work is done in vain

I wouldn't do it.

As you say, your DS is average (same as my kids) so I doubt he would make the cut, so I'd save him the bother of it.

A no from me, having been through this twice.

Presumably you’re looking at QEB or Latymer. They’re both extremely competitive to get into and unless your DC is comfortably Greater Depth in English, Maths and SPAG I doubt there’s any realistic chance so not worth the stress, for you or your child.

@Donotgogentle could be Tiffin's or Wilson's depending on which part of London or all of them... I have seen parents do that!

I feel exhausted just thinking about that commute from Mill Hill! But people are prepared to travel a long way it’s true.

@Accessrandom
I disagree. The Kent 11+ grammar system is not fitting for 'average' achieving children. How can you say 'average' children can do well at a grammar when only the top 24% of children get a grammar school place? That's not your average achieving child!
My nephew teaches at Newstead Wooods, it's a great school but not a place where 'average' children get into, despite it being in Kent,

My mum went to JAGS in London - a very high achieving school even then (independent now) she's in her 70s and hated it. She had a decent career but married young and had us young.
She always steered me and my sister against grammar school. But where we lived, it was compulsory to take 11+. Both my sister and I passed but we didn't go to grammar school as mum was wary of the pressure and her experience so we went where most of our friends went, and were happy to do so. We both did well, had good experience and have good careers now - both in or 50s and both semi retired. Both home owners in our 20s and both own homes worth £600+k houses now (my sister has a second home too with her non grammar school husband who worked his way up through a company and retired at 54). None of us did this with financial help / inheritance.
My neice, nephew, daughter and son all took the tests. Neice and my son both went to grammar schools (neice super selective then RS uni) - nephew and daughter didn't pass and went to the local comps. All are on same level now in their careers. My son is still in education but has gone down the trade route now as he will probably do better financially like his dad who didn't go to grammar or uni and is now earning in excess of £100k pa.
Nephew and neice both on similar wage, both have mortgages in their 20s, but my nephew and his non grammar/ non uni partner don't have the student loans that my neice and her M.Sc. husband have. My daughter has a great career and is set to buy her first property this year at 25. No student debt.
My belief in grammar education now fits with my mum's.

My DC was “average” at primary and now on track for AAA at A level. Some are late developers.

Newstead is a superselective not a normal grammar. Completely different. Suggest you look into Kent grammars in a bit more detail.

If you have a kid with quite robust mental health who will take exams in his stride and not get too stressed by them (very much up to you how stressful you make this process) then he can try some practice papers and try sitting the exams “for fun”. But talk up your local comprehensives, as entrance into London grammars is more competitive (per place) than into Oxbridge so highly unlikely to get in. If he fails tell him he got onto the waiting list and what an incredible achievement that is in itself.