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Secondary education

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Original poster

Y7 form change ?

83 replies

Dazedandcovidconfused · 12/01/2024 04:58

My DD has struggled to make friends since starting secondary. (Had lots of lovely friends at primary) She’s doing really well academically but becoming unhappy because she feels she has no friends in her class, she’s with them the majority of the time (only streamed for one subject) so not much opportunity to make friends in other classes, and has had comments like no one likes you etc that are demoralising. I discussed with form tutor this week who was mainly focussed on finding out who has been saying unkind things to her. I get it but she doesn’t want make things worse by naming people, and also I’m not sure how focussing on them helps her directly. I think she’d benefit from a fresh start, in a class where she already knows a few girls, but would appreciate anyone’s experience or viewpoints, thanks!

OP posts:
plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 06:17

different class in came school?

is there space?

plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 06:18

none of her primary friends went to this school?

IncognitoUsername · 12/01/2024 06:35

Schools are often adverse to moving pupils to a different form due to the knock on effect it has with other pupils - they move one and then another two or three want to move and school can’t say no as they moved the first one. Hence why the teacher wants to deal with the issue by finding out who is causing the problems. Girls of this age can be horrid - I taught this age group for 20 years. At the end of the day you can go to the Head of Year and insist that she is moved but it may not solve the problem so it might be better to allow school to try to deal with these girls and maybe work with your daughter on her self esteem and how to deal with negative people.

SnowsFalling · 12/01/2024 06:54

I've asked for a form change once - and got it implemented within a day. BUT it was because someone hadn't looked at the background between 2 kids that had been put together, and there was a long history of racist bullying.

Will school mix the kids up in Y8? I think that would influence what I did.
DS2 has made friends through walking to school, and sports clubs. Are there any lunchtime or after school activities that would get her making friends outside her class?

TheaBrandt · 12/01/2024 07:01

Can be quite fluid for girls at that age. Both of mine (youngest now year 10) worked through several friendship groups before it solidified more in late 8/ 9.

Do they set? That mixes them up and gives better friendship o opportunities. Both mine only have one or two friends in their form but large groups in rest of year. Work with her on her confidence to approach like minded girls.

Original poster
Dazedandcovidconfused · 12/01/2024 07:16

Thanks for feedback, will try to answer all the points

  • they are only set in one class, they are with their form for every other subject
  • won’t get mixed in year 8 they stay in these forms for their entire time at school.
  • it’s a v big school and there were a handful of girls from her primary who went, none in her class
  • shes in a few clubs
  • she seems to have dealt with unkind incidents ok, I think it’s more demoralising because she hasn’t any friends to share the experience with, laugh it off or to empathise with her. She’s feeling lonely.
OP posts:
Ionacat · 12/01/2024 07:19

I’m assuming year 7? This is the start of the friendship shake up as bonds from primary school loosen. I would hope the form tutor might have been more proactive and suggested ways forward, but actually it’s good they want to tackle those that have been unkind.

My DD met one of her new friends by joining a library club for example. Has she joined any clubs? That’s often a good way to start meeting new people. She won’t be the only person in the year group struggling either.

I would ask the head of year for some suggestions as I suspect they will be reluctant to move her as it tends to open the floodgates, although there is no harm in asking.

plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 07:19

have you tried speaking with the school and actually addressing the issues rather than running from them in the first instance?

plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 07:20

i know you say you’ve spoken with the school once but surely a bit more needs to be progressed before a big move

Original poster
Dazedandcovidconfused · 12/01/2024 07:21

Yes in my post you can see I’ve discussed with the form tutor who wants names of who has been unkind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dazedandcovidconfused · 12/01/2024 07:25

not sure what else I would be able to apart from speak to form tutor? I asked how issues could be addressed, he said he wanted names. Those girls are not going to be friends with DD any time soon so doesn’t really solve her issue. That was the teachers main idea.

OP posts:
plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 07:26

head teacher
head of pastoral care

TheaBrandt · 12/01/2024 07:27

Anecdotally know girls are moved (strict all girl state) but only if there are significant issues or the parents are bolshy. I think I would go in and politely but firmly make a case for moving form. It’s been a term now and the isolation is affecting mental health. She needs to find her tribe but she also needs to be helped to be proactive in this too.

timetorefresh · 12/01/2024 07:28

Does she have friends in another form group? She might struggle if she moves too

shepherdsangeldelight · 12/01/2024 07:30

Surely she can still see her old friends at break and lunch times (and by extension meet any friends they have made)?

I think this is a tough point of Year 7, but I'm not sure moving classes is the answer. There will be children making nasty remarks in any class (and it's great that the form tutor wants to tackle this, although perhaps should be done more generally rather than targetting individuals) and it's likely that her primary friends will have moved on and their friendship won't just be picked up in the same way.

I'd say it took my DS a good couple of terms to make friends in Year 7. You'll find this term that lots of friendships shuffle as some children find they don't actually like the children they made friends with at the start of the year. It's also very likely there are other children in your DD's position - I'd suggest you ask your DD to seek them out as they may be very happy to strike up a friendship.

TheaBrandt · 12/01/2024 07:32

Dd2 had an awful year 7 and was ousted from her group and they tried to ensure no one else would be friends with her by spreading mad rumours. She had to start again from scratch. Within a year she was the most popular girl in her year. So things can really change massively 11-14.

IncognitoUsername · 12/01/2024 07:32

Look at it from the Form Teacher’s pov -
She has to go to Head of Year/SLT and say that your daughter wants to move classes because of unkind comments. The first thing they will ask is what the FT has done to resolve the situation. Answer - nothing, I don’t know who else is involved so I haven’t investigated, seen if there are two sides to this or attempted any restoration work.

YireosDodeAver · 12/01/2024 07:33

My best friend in senior school was in another class and I never had a single lesson together. We met originally en route to the sports frields when we were both running late, but we had a lot of similar interests and did the sams lunchtime and afterschool clubs. No one liked me in my class, which was formed of 3 competing cliques of mean girls. I was better off without beung sucked into that.

plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 07:35

no primary school friends went to this school?

Original poster
Dazedandcovidconfused · 12/01/2024 07:44

Thanks all, a few more answers to queations

  • have answered the point about primary friends in my last post
  • haven’t spoken to head of year or headteacher yet only spoke to FT this week. Would they be able to actively help the situation or just provide reassurance?
  • the unkind comments are not the main issue, they are compounding the fact she has no friends in her class that she spends the vast majority of time with, which I tried to explain to FT. I’m not that interested in how the comments are addressed as it’s not going to help the main issue
  • FT said it can take til year 10 for friendships to settle down. Well been to high school so I know what it’s like, But how long do I wait for her to find someone in her class to connect with? Concerned if I don’t act I’ll lose the window and things may not get better. She has friends from school in another class.
OP posts:
plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 07:46

absolutely speak with head of year, and head of pastoral care

plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 07:48
  • **it’s a v big school and there were a handful of girls from her primary who went, none in her class

does she ever see these girls at break time? lunch time?

plumberdrain · 12/01/2024 07:49

you won’t be able to move your daughter without speaking to the head of year and head anyway!!

Original poster
Dazedandcovidconfused · 12/01/2024 07:57

Yes would definitely be speaking to them if I need to escalate and insist on form change, but if I don’t then we’d be staying put and hoping for the best; in that scenario will head of year have anything additional to add? There is no head of pastoral care.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 12/01/2024 07:59

Does she see friends old or new in breaks and lunchtimes?

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