Y7 form change ?

[Dazedandcovidconfused]

My DD has struggled to make friends since starting secondary. (Had lots of lovely friends at primary) She’s doing really well academically but becoming unhappy because she feels she has no friends in her class, she’s with them the majority of the time (only streamed for one subject) so not much opportunity to make friends in other classes, and has had comments like no one likes you etc that are demoralising. I discussed with form tutor this week who was mainly focussed on finding out who has been saying unkind things to her. I get it but she doesn’t want make things worse by naming people, and also I’m not sure how focussing on them helps her directly. I think she’d benefit from a fresh start, in a class where she already knows a few girls, but would appreciate anyone’s experience or viewpoints, thanks!

I think there are two girls she can sometimes see in breaks.

op

it is unlikely that you rocking up and saying “i want her moved” will fly in the first instance.

It will be one of the last options after other measures are implemented

but you have to speak to the right people and that’s not the form teacher clearly

I wouldn't be pushing for a class change at this point tbh. So many girls will be feeling the same - the long standing primary school friendships collapsing, unkind comments as people jostle for position and the friendship groups chopping and changing.

DD is y8 and she struggled to make any friends in her class during y7. Said that everybody hated her. She did make a couple of friends from other classes but those friendships fell apart too.

Now she's far more settled. Has joined a friendship group in her class since the start of y8, lovely girls who were obviously always there. It just takes time to find your people.

If your DD has friends in other classes I would encourage her to seek them out at lunchtimes, join more clubs, and keep an open mind towards her own class as it won't be all of them being unkind.

Schools either move students a lot, like my current school or never move them. I am big fan of moving them myself it doesn't always work mind you.
If I was her child's head of year and you requested a move say from 7A to 7S I would go through all the bad things that might happen, more name calling, new teachers she didn't like, the dreaded swop from French to Spanish, which always enrages someone. And then I would do it but say its a one way street moving back isn't on the table. It's amazing how often this happens. The grass not being greener.
In this case if you were my friend rather than a head of year, I would say leave it a little longer, year 7 is brutal for social groupings, very few children immediately find good pals. But most do eventually. I didn't until 6th Form.

One of my DDs friends was unhappy in her form group. In year 8 she moved to DDs form and was so much happier.

Thanks all for the ongoing advice. @plumberdrain what other measures are available? Other than my daughter doing all the obvious things more than she is, or sucking it up.
FT has said they will move her if that’s what we want, that’s why I’m asking if it’s the best option or not.

i’m not head of year at your child’s school. They will have extensive experience of this very situation. So i’d be on the phone today to arrange a meeting

If she’s low key aways unhappy I would take the risk as it’s unlikely to be worse in a new form and a psychological jolt and scene change might help her mindset in any event.

When Dd lost her group I pushed her to approach another girl I thought looked nice she refused then plucked up courage and did. Launched her into a whole new group.

Actually just the other day dd mentioned a girl she has met recently in one of her classes who she really likes but the girl is unhappy as not in an group and her parents have been into school about it etc. Dd is going to invite her into town and to a party this weekend. That’s all it takes…

I'd most definitely be speaking to head of year to get a move on grounds that it is affecting her mental health and you don't want to be in the position that she starts to school refuse. Not saying that's on the cards but it may focus the minds of the school to be proactive rather than reactive when the problem is more difficult to solve.

I think you need to be firm in your convictions that a move is in her best interest and therefore the schools.

Normally I'd say leave it until the end of year 7. It can often take 3 terms to find their feet and settle in. However, always being in that form group for all lessons does seem to be extremely limiting in terms of meeting new people. I'm really surprised at that. That must be so stifling if there's no one you particularly get on with. At my DD's school classes are formed from 4 form groups so there's a lot of mixing throughout every class and every school year.

I think it would be worth seeing if a move is possible before getting too far into this second term.

If there's no mixing of classes the school should really have tried to make sure everyone had someone they could name as a friend in their class. My daughter got to name some children she would like to be with and the school tried to make sure everyone has a named friend in their form group when they started.

Thanks for support and helpful advice all. Agree that the form being together for every class except one is big issue as no escape or outlet oif things aren’t working out. Remembering my own school days friendships were quite fluid but there were always friends in other classes to rely on at points where friendship group in my class were a bit iffy.

Yes at dds school they are keen on setting set early and the sets are fluid the girls are frequently moving up and down. Not only is this better academically but exposes them to different girls (who are more likely to be at their level of academics). As they don’t do that at your school I would definitely advocate to move.

so they don’t stream for any class whatsoever?

My DC's school did this as well (they only had sets for maths). It's actually intended to make the move to secondary school easier as they are not overwhelmed by lots of new people and it keeps them in a situation they are used to from primary school (staying in the same class group for most things).

That said, I think they did mix classes for PE as it was split into boys/girls and possibly DT as the class sizes needed were different, so that might be the case for OP also?

one class is streamed only, as per the previous posts.

PE and DT are also with the form.

and that remains the same next year and year 10?

have you requested a meeting with head of year to discuss?

are you sure that there’s not a single point of contact at the school with pastoral care responsibility?

Yes that’s the same until GCSE options.
Yes there is not a member of staff with specific pastoral care responsibilities.
yes I’ve spoken to head of year today, she had spoken to Dd this morning, asked her for names, which DD felt she had to provide; and has suggested a class buddy and using the wellbeing room, those are the measures being offered.

Our school would switch her form after a term. Thankfully ours are mixed across lessons etc too

are you happy with the school generally?

a large secondary school with no teacher responsible for pastoral care? very unusual. Concerning actually.

what did the head say when you raised moving forms? did she give a time by which of her suggestions have not improved situation - then it would be a possibility?

• *she seems to have dealt with unkind incidents ok, I think it’s more demoralising because she hasn’t any friends to share the experience with, laugh it off or to empathise with her. She’s feeling lonely.*

from the school’s perspective…, a few unkind comments is not enough to get warrant much more than what has been suggested.

As you say, it just seems like your daughter has not made friends in her form and it’s unlikely they’d move her for that. Otherwise they will be moving people back and forth very regularly with the ebb and flow of friendships, especially girls!

It’s not the mean comments that are my priority, hopefully I’ve made that clear repeatedly upthread; it’s the fact that she’s tried hard to make friends for an entire term and hasn’t made any connections. She’s lonely and feels invisible and it’s now affecting how she feels about school. So my question was whether my instinct for a fresh start in a class where she has friends from primary would be best at this stage, managing expectations that it may not be better. If not how long do I leave the situation, does a buddy system or wellbeing room typically resolve these situations. It may get better but my worry is if it doesn’t.

i would be very surprised if the school move a girl who has struggled to make friends in to another form. Potentially disrupting that form. And… meaning one form has more pupils than the other

are there even spaces?