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Secondary education

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Original poster

Parents evening, should I complain about this teacher

106 replies

namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 07:44

At parents evening I had some quite important questions about DS's results and options but the teacher seemed to spend a lot of the short 5 minute appointment talking about her own children and how one of them is doing maths at Bristol and the others are doing x,y and a GCSE's and A levels and what that meant in terms of their Uni entry.

When I was driving home I suddenly felt quite angry that I came away from the appointment knowing more about the teacher's kids than I had found out about my DS's progress.

I'm I right to be thinking this is actually quite inappropriate? I don't want to hear about the teacher's own kids, it felt like she was bragging about it. It is also irrelevant.

Should I email the head of year?

OP posts:
PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 30/11/2023 07:45

No.

Rocknrollstar · 30/11/2023 07:47

If you feel you need more information email the teacher or HoY and ask for another short appointment. As a teacher, I talked about all sorts of things with parents of my pupils.

TheOtherSideOfTheStory · 30/11/2023 07:48

Just email the teacher and say you didn't get the chance to ask these questions and can they answer over email or give you a call.

Haggisfish3 · 30/11/2023 07:49

I second asking teacher to call or email
with answers to your questions.

LadyPenelope68 · 30/11/2023 07:52

Email asking the questions you want to ask or for more information, but don’t email complaining about the teacher, you’d be pathetic to complain about it.

Original poster
namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 08:41

Well not complain so much as write an email to say that I've come away from the appointment without the answers to my questions.

Why should I have to sit and hear about the teacher's kids? It's NOT relevant and wasted the appointment.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 30/11/2023 08:56

Why didn’t you stop them at the appointment and insist you only discussed your child?

TheOtherSideOfTheStory · 30/11/2023 08:58

namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 08:41

Well not complain so much as write an email to say that I've come away from the appointment without the answers to my questions.

Why should I have to sit and hear about the teacher's kids? It's NOT relevant and wasted the appointment.

Why email the hoy rather than the teacher directly if not to complain?

Original poster
namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 09:08

I couldn't get a word in as she was talking over me. I asked the question 3 times and got a different and irrelevant answer each time. I guess she didn't know the information I was asking for.
I don't have her direct email. Frankly I don't want to continue the conversation with her as I didn't get anywhere

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 09:14

Also
I was sitting politely listening and patiently waiting for her to get on to the part that was relevant to my child. As anyone would do.

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 30/11/2023 09:17

Ask you son for her email.

timetorefresh · 30/11/2023 09:18

Then just email the school admin address with FAO chatty teacher, in the headline. Say you came away not sure of the answer to some questions, here they are, could she drop you an email or give you a ring to discuss them. You don't need to complain ffs.

ChnandlerBong · 30/11/2023 09:19

There's nothing to complain about? You listened politely as she talked.

If you still have questions then you email her/your ds's form teacher.

Each appointment is there for you to guide - she may have thought her examples were relevant to you. if you disagreed then you should have interrupted her.

snazzychair · 30/11/2023 09:21

No don't complain! Just ask for another chat - send an email with the questions you want answering. It's hard interrupting people especially when bound by time. But these things happen so just send an email.

Justonemorecoffeeplease · 30/11/2023 09:24

You need to email the teacher or the head of the subject to ask for the information that you need.

I'm mystified as to why you couldn't simply say. 'Can I just ask a few questions...'

It can be hard to 'read the room' at Parents' Evening. Some parents are very detail oriented whereas others like to know that their child is settled and making progress etc - some teachers can fill the 'space' with chat.

I wouldn't complain.

TheOtherSideOfTheStory · 30/11/2023 09:26

Is she the only teacher your child has for this subject? A secondary school teacher in a core subject might be teaching 200 different students and if Parents' Evening is in the autumn term and it's the first year that child has been in that teacher's class they might not know them very well - especially if Year 7 or 8 as teachers will prioritise exam classes out of necessity. If it's a split class with two teachers, that's exacerbated further. But they should bring some data with them and be able to tell you your child's target grade and what they're working at right now. If the student is in Year 11 and has done mocks or has them coming up, they should have much more information and specific instructions on areas to work on and revision expectations.

End of term reports will be coming out soon that should state the target grade and current working at grade along with effort and attendance though unlikely to include a personal comment. So it depends on what you want to know.

MerryMarigold · 30/11/2023 09:26

5 minutes is not enough. I would complain about that generally.

Please do not discourage the teacher. Maths teachers are not easy to find - it may be the last straw. At least he has a teacher! Can you think why she told you about her kids. There must have been a reason. Maybe she was saying her kids were in a similar position to your son but they did OK and you don't need to worry.

If you are worried about your son, you could ask for appointment with the head of maths for his key stage as they will be knowledgeable.

At the other end of the spectrum I had a 25 minute appointment the other day (supposed to be 15) with a 'chatty mum'. I didn't get a chance to tell her anything about her son, she was too busy telling ME about him!

LolaSmiles · 30/11/2023 09:30

I don't have her direct email. Frankly I don't want to continue the conversation with her as I didn't get anywhere

So you want answers to your question and information about your child's progress but don't want to discuss this with the person who can give you this information?

Either your questions aren't that important or you're just looking to let off steam to someone else in school rather than get a resolution.

AngelAurora · 30/11/2023 09:31

You were sat right with her, why did you not ask her?

Bluevelvetsofa · 30/11/2023 11:08

The only way you’ll find out how your child is doing, is to ask her. If you complain to her line manager, he or she will speak to the teacher and ask them to contact you.

Peacheroo · 30/11/2023 12:07

Bluevelvetsofa · 30/11/2023 11:08

The only way you’ll find out how your child is doing, is to ask her. If you complain to her line manager, he or she will speak to the teacher and ask them to contact you.

This. No point going over her head. Just send a request to the HOY if you have their details asking to be provided contact details or to contact you on these questions... if you wish make a joke of "I feel I learnt more about your children than my own".

Spirallingdownwards · 30/11/2023 12:10

You say what she was saying was irrelevant to your child. Are you sure your child hadn't already spoke with her and she thought was she was saying was actually relevant? Perhaps he had indicated an interest in her child's course and uni so she was under the impression what she was saying was relevant and useful.

Shadowsindarkplaces · 30/11/2023 12:16

Think I would have been tempted to sit tight at the end of appointment and say ' that's great about your kid, lovely to hear, now what about 'Josh', what areas....? ..made her answer...

SirChenjins · 30/11/2023 12:19

I’d be narked and tempted as a result to complain because teachers should know that the purpose of parents’ evenings aren’t to talk about their own children or to talk over the parents when they’re trying to steer the conversation back on track. I’ve been to many parents’s evenings since 2002 and all managed to stick to the purpose of the meeting. However, I’d give her the opportunity to rectify it and ask for a further meeting to discuss your child as the conversation went off track and you have some outstanding questions as a result.

Bleepbloopbluurp · 30/11/2023 14:47

namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 09:14

Also
I was sitting politely listening and patiently waiting for her to get on to the part that was relevant to my child. As anyone would do.

They wouldn't though. When you only have 5 minutes if someone goes off on a tangent you redirect politely. "Sorry to interrupt but we only have 5 minutes so can we get back to talking about Jeremy please?" would work.
It's not rude, it is practical.

Anyway what's done is done. Email the teacher and ask for a call as you have some more questions to ask .