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Secondary education

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Original poster

Parents evening, should I complain about this teacher

106 replies

namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 07:44

At parents evening I had some quite important questions about DS's results and options but the teacher seemed to spend a lot of the short 5 minute appointment talking about her own children and how one of them is doing maths at Bristol and the others are doing x,y and a GCSE's and A levels and what that meant in terms of their Uni entry.

When I was driving home I suddenly felt quite angry that I came away from the appointment knowing more about the teacher's kids than I had found out about my DS's progress.

I'm I right to be thinking this is actually quite inappropriate? I don't want to hear about the teacher's own kids, it felt like she was bragging about it. It is also irrelevant.

Should I email the head of year?

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 30/11/2023 14:52

You will just make yourself look stupid if you complain to the HOY.

You should have redirected the conversation at the time if there were things that you wanted to ask. It would have been easy enough to say "sorry to interrupt but I'm aware that time is limited and there were a couple of questions that I wanted to ask".

As you missed that opportunity, you could email your questions to the teacher instead, or ask for a follow-up conversation. But emailing the HOY to complain about the teacher making polite conversation while you didn't engage properly by asking any questions... you will just look ridiculous!

Original poster
namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 15:16

Well I asked the same question 3 times and each time she told me I didn't need to know the answer because her children did xyz and didn't need xyz (in a long form answer)
So I asked again and again. So that's why I felt the need to go over her head and complain.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 30/11/2023 15:22

What was the question?

It sounds like either she's used an illustration to explain a point, but it's not been very effective or your take away has been about her mentioning her child rather than the answer she has given 3 times (which may well be that something isn't needed / don't need to worry about XYZ).

TheOtherSideOfTheStory · 30/11/2023 15:40

Well it sounds like she didn't communicate effectively for whatever reason and that you don't want to let it go, OP, so you probably should go ahead and email the HOY. Perhaps with the specifics you will sound reasonable - it's quite hard to tell from the information given here but I'm sure the HOY will get the situation resolved.

MyEyesMyThighs · 01/12/2023 08:23

If you were asking if he needed further maths for Uni, and she replied that you could do maths at Bristol without it (giving her DC as an example) - the you got an answer?

BohemondofAntioch · 01/12/2023 17:13

How do they find Bristol, as a matter of interest? Considering it for DD.

Pineapples198 · 01/12/2023 17:39

Did you actually ask the questions and if not what was stopping you? When the teacher pauses you then smile and ask the question. If you go over the 5 minutes you go over. I was with my son’s teacher for 20 minutes as he is autistic with ADHD I wanted details of how they manage / he manages in class. They won’t cut you off and tell you to leave after 5 minutes. I agree with other posters not to complain unless you asked the questions and she ignored you or refused to answer. I would email / message your teacher or call the school and ask for the teacher to call you to answer some questions you didn’t ask at the open evening

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 01/12/2023 17:43

BohemondofAntioch · 01/12/2023 17:13

How do they find Bristol, as a matter of interest? Considering it for DD.

😂

op, what was the question?

Paular29 · 01/12/2023 19:59

You should have said when she tried to end the appointment, thank you can we now discuss my child? I understand we have a limited time but it's really not surprising that, as a teacher, your children are excelling in their education, however, I need to know how my child is doing, that's why I'm here!

As I've got older (I'm now 56 but still have a child at school) I'm getting better at asking quite bluntly, if I can finish my sentence/question when I'm talked over. Its too often that teachers talk over you or speak to you like your one of their students, most annoying!

terraced · 01/12/2023 20:02

Just email the teacher/school and ask the questions you want the answers to

Azandme · 01/12/2023 20:06

namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 15:16

Well I asked the same question 3 times and each time she told me I didn't need to know the answer because her children did xyz and didn't need xyz (in a long form answer)
So I asked again and again. So that's why I felt the need to go over her head and complain.

Everything hinges on what the question was, because from this it sounds like she gave an answer (you don't need an answer IS an answer, you just didn't like it) AND explained why.

You may not have liked the response but you got one, complete with explanation.

If the question was one where an answer would be so broad/narrow/unhelpful it would be irrelevant I can see why she may have answered this way.

Pussygaloregalapagos · 01/12/2023 20:08

No. Email your questions in though.

Hayliebells · 01/12/2023 20:08

MerryMarigold · 30/11/2023 09:26

5 minutes is not enough. I would complain about that generally.

Please do not discourage the teacher. Maths teachers are not easy to find - it may be the last straw. At least he has a teacher! Can you think why she told you about her kids. There must have been a reason. Maybe she was saying her kids were in a similar position to your son but they did OK and you don't need to worry.

If you are worried about your son, you could ask for appointment with the head of maths for his key stage as they will be knowledgeable.

At the other end of the spectrum I had a 25 minute appointment the other day (supposed to be 15) with a 'chatty mum'. I didn't get a chance to tell her anything about her son, she was too busy telling ME about him!

More than 5 minutes per student cannot be fitted into directed time for the majority of teachers, as they teach hundreds of students a year. If you have long appointments where you work, how do you fit it in? A few extra non-teaching days a year? Do you work in a private school? Are you a primary school teacher and not secondary?

Azandme · 01/12/2023 20:09

The teacher probably thought, "I've explained why you don't need an answer to that question twice already, why are you asking again?!"

Azandme · 01/12/2023 20:15

In response to people asking why you would complain and pointing out reasons why they wouldn't you replied

"Well not complain..."

Now it's:

"So that's why I felt the need to go over her head and complain."

So you DO want to complain! Honesty is important op!

You don't want to know what the conversation between the teacher and her boss will be, but I guarantee it won't be the one you're hoping for. They'll be really honest too.

"I answered her three different ways - all with explanation and examples, but she STILL didn't get it!" eyeroll

"I know, I know. Just send her an email and really make it very very simple, hopefully she'll understand that. Doing anything nice this weekend?"

Wren43 · 01/12/2023 20:25

A bit OTT to complain, maybe she thought she was just being friendly, did you say anything to prompt her in that discussion about her children? I would email further questions or ask for further meeting if more things to ask?

StuartSheehyisBack · 01/12/2023 20:28

Yes, definitely complain. How will she know not to do it otherwise?

FrippEnos · 01/12/2023 20:45

MerryMarigold

5 minutes is not enough. I would complain about that generally.

So you want to double the length of time for a parents evening?

You actually want a teacher to be stuck in a chair for six hours?

Also this wouldn't fit into the directed hours that a teacher could be instructed to work.

FrippEnos · 01/12/2023 20:48

namechanged221

Just email the teacher, if you still don't get a response then push it forward.

Sugargliderwombat · 01/12/2023 20:56

It depends on the question doesn't it ?

I'm guessing you just need to email the question again and clarify what you meant.

Duechristmas · 01/12/2023 21:30

She's attempting to connect with you, clearly she shouldn't have bothered.

Roundandback · 01/12/2023 21:34

Azandme · 01/12/2023 20:09

The teacher probably thought, "I've explained why you don't need an answer to that question twice already, why are you asking again?!"

Whether the teacher feels the question is important is irrelevant - the parent wants to know and should therefore be given the answer!

Nevertouchakoala · 01/12/2023 22:28

Go to the head of department for answers, they’ll have all your child’s data and should be able to give you a picture of what’s going on.

head of year doesn’t have any power over the teacher.

speaking as an ex HOY.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 02/12/2023 00:38

namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 08:41

Well not complain so much as write an email to say that I've come away from the appointment without the answers to my questions.

Why should I have to sit and hear about the teacher's kids? It's NOT relevant and wasted the appointment.

Well you could have put on your big girl pants at the time and said ‘sorry could we talk about DS? I have a couple of questions k really need to ask.’ Saying nothing at the time and complaining later would be pathetic as a pp said. As a teacher I can tell you we don’t have psychic abilities, so unless you said something and she refused to stop talking about her own child then YABU.

Lokisbiggestfan · 02/12/2023 00:44

OP you are your child’s biggest advocate. If your question is not answered email whomever you need to so that you can get an answer. I’m not saying to email to complain I’m saying email you questions.

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