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Original poster

Parents evening, should I complain about this teacher

106 replies

namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 07:44

At parents evening I had some quite important questions about DS's results and options but the teacher seemed to spend a lot of the short 5 minute appointment talking about her own children and how one of them is doing maths at Bristol and the others are doing x,y and a GCSE's and A levels and what that meant in terms of their Uni entry.

When I was driving home I suddenly felt quite angry that I came away from the appointment knowing more about the teacher's kids than I had found out about my DS's progress.

I'm I right to be thinking this is actually quite inappropriate? I don't want to hear about the teacher's own kids, it felt like she was bragging about it. It is also irrelevant.

Should I email the head of year?

OP posts:
VashtaNerada · 02/12/2023 00:53

Parents’ evening is horrific, I can barely remember my own name after a while. Just email the questions, you’ll get a much better answer that way anyway.

IsDieHardAChristmasFilm · 02/12/2023 06:44

namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 09:14

Also
I was sitting politely listening and patiently waiting for her to get on to the part that was relevant to my child. As anyone would do.

Surely the third time they referred to their children you could have interrupted and brought the conversation back to your child? Alternatively the reference to their children was relevant in answering your question but you didn’t understand as why else would a teacher who’s pressed for time refer to their own children? I suspect if you emailed the teacher you would get the same response.

Original poster
namechanged221 · 02/12/2023 07:21

''Well you could have put on your big girl pants at the time and said ‘sorry could we talk about DS? I have a couple of questions k really need to ask.’ Saying nothing at the time and complaining later would be pathetic as a pp said. As a teacher I can tell you we don’t have psychic abilities, so unless you said something and she refused to stop talking about her own child then YABU.''

@babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo I did ask.... 3 times.

I don't want to detail the question as it's quite specific! But it's to do with a situation that has negatively affected my DS's academic progress and the way this is assessed.

So my question was just shut down over and over. Particularly grating to have to then listen to anecdotes about the teacher's children.

I don't think it's appropriate to talk about your own children in parent's evening. I think it's unprofessional and inappropriate. Use examples, but make them generalised or relate them to the school, rather than personal and irrelevant as her children do not go to DS's school.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged221 · 02/12/2023 07:28

I really think it's unprofessional to start talking about your own kids as a teacher.

I've been to lots of parents evenings with both my children and I find that teachers do not use their own children as examples, ordinarily.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 02/12/2023 08:02

I really think it's unprofessional to start talking about your own kids as a teacher

You might not like something but that doesn't make it unprofessional.

Why would it be acceptable to give the same example without knowing it was a teacher's child Vs not acceptable as soon as you know it's a teacher's child?

Why don't you just contact the school asking for your email to be forwarded to the teacher so you can clarify the question responses?

It seems like you're more focused on moaning about the teacher than getting a resolution.

SirChenjins · 02/12/2023 08:13

namechanged221 · 02/12/2023 07:28

I really think it's unprofessional to start talking about your own kids as a teacher.

I've been to lots of parents evenings with both my children and I find that teachers do not use their own children as examples, ordinarily.

I think it would be ok in certain circumstances eg a more informal conversation. At a parent’s night when there’s very limited time and the focus is on the pupil then I agree it’s very unprofessional.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 02/12/2023 08:23

What information do you think you will get from the head of year?

It has been two days. Did you type the questions out and email them? Just head it FAO: teachers name and she will receive it.

Also, your questions are really not going to identify you on a worldwide site.

Sugargliderwombat · 02/12/2023 09:14

namechanged221 · 02/12/2023 07:28

I really think it's unprofessional to start talking about your own kids as a teacher.

I've been to lots of parents evenings with both my children and I find that teachers do not use their own children as examples, ordinarily.

I think plenty of people don't appreciate teachers being human instead of robots.

Hayliebells · 02/12/2023 09:22

Just email the school email address, FAO X Teacher, and ask your questions. If you don't get answers after that, then complain. Why would you want to complain first? I can only think that you're more interested in getting at the teacher for a perceived wrong than actually getting your answers. If that's the case, you're one of the reasons why we have a recruitment and retention crisis. Dealing with difficult parents who complain first without seeking a resolution just make teachers feel unappreciated, so they think sod that and leave to do something else.

Baircasolly · 02/12/2023 09:22

Teachers are human. Some are superb at performing faultlessly for 3 hours after a full-on day of wrangling reluctant teenagers to do a tiny bit of work. Some are not very good at it. Most of us are pretty good at it most of the time, but get it wrong sometimes, especially when we're exhausted.

Don't complain. Of course do ask for clarification about specific questions that you need the answers to.

LeRougeEtLeNoir · 02/12/2023 10:19

I love the ‘dont complain’ answers….

Not one who rd about the fact the OP herself might be exhausted too. And that emailing, setting a new appointment, having time off to go to said appointment is also added work for her.

Yes people can get tired.
Yes some people make mistakes.
But not answering a question 3x and talking about your own dcs as if the parent in front of you didn’t want (or need?) any input from you isn’t on. Not at a parent evening.

StuartSheehyisBack · 02/12/2023 10:58

It is very unprofessional to talk about your own kids at Parents Evening as a teacher.

Anyone who blames exhaustion/ "we get it wrong sometimes" etc is just being ridiculous. Why on earth does being tired mean you talk about something unnecessary and not what the person in front of you is asking about?

It is hardly like the teacher has been forced to stay awake for days on end and are jabbering on incoherently - they've had a full day yes, but that's it

Justonemorecoffeeplease · 02/12/2023 11:00

Storm in a teacup. Email your question then take further steps if it’s not answered.

Teacher recruitment and retention is falling off a cliff and I can see why.

PaperDoIIs · 02/12/2023 11:02

Was the information she gave about her children in any way relevant/linked to what you were asking? Like her kids went through something similar to your son and now they're at uni and doing great, as a way to reassure you that whatever happened is not that bad/an impediment/can be overcome. Or was it completely irrelevant/unrelated?

noblegiraffe · 02/12/2023 11:08

It sounds like the teacher thought they were answering your question with their info about their kids, not that they were spending the appointment just chatting.

Email the school asking for a specific answer to the question as you don't you got the required information during parents evening.

What would the desired outcome of the complaint be? To get an answer to the question? You don't need to make a complaint to get that. If your desire is to get the teacher told off for not answering the question in a way you thought was appropriate, then you probably won't get any joy there.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 02/12/2023 11:08

Haggisfish3 · 30/11/2023 07:49

I second asking teacher to call or email
with answers to your questions.

I would say, 'I'd really appreciate a few minutes of your time to catch up on XX. Our chat got a little derailed, can you help?'

The teacher was at fault but complaining is OTT you could have interjected politely.

Longma · 02/12/2023 11:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

AyrshireTryer · 02/12/2023 11:36

To office@bigschool for the attention of Chatty Teacher

Dear Chatty Teacher

Following our recent meeting at Parents' Evening.
Could you please let me know the answers to the following questions.

1

2

3

If it is easier I can be contacted on 079723231234

Kindest

namechanged221 mother of Billy Scoggins.

SutWytTi · 02/12/2023 11:39

namechanged221 · 02/12/2023 07:28

I really think it's unprofessional to start talking about your own kids as a teacher.

I've been to lots of parents evenings with both my children and I find that teachers do not use their own children as examples, ordinarily.

It is unprofessional and inappropriate. A small percentage of teachers are unfortunately. Most are focused on the correct things.

Yes I'd email. I'd ask to speak to the HoY and explain you the info you need - list the questions in writing.

AyrshireTryer · 02/12/2023 11:41

To be fair OP we don't know how the conversation went.
Pop an email to the school office and it is done.

Hayliebells · 02/12/2023 11:49

StuartSheehyisBack · 02/12/2023 10:58

It is very unprofessional to talk about your own kids at Parents Evening as a teacher.

Anyone who blames exhaustion/ "we get it wrong sometimes" etc is just being ridiculous. Why on earth does being tired mean you talk about something unnecessary and not what the person in front of you is asking about?

It is hardly like the teacher has been forced to stay awake for days on end and are jabbering on incoherently - they've had a full day yes, but that's it

Another meeting isn't necessary. She just needs to communicate by email.

StuartSheehyisBack · 02/12/2023 12:06

I didn't say it was @Hayliebells 🤔

SecondUsername4me · 02/12/2023 12:14

Is it something that she could give a definitive answer on? Or was it something that she was just trying to use a real life example to reassure you?

Eg, "ds has had 3x supply teachers during this autumn term and I need to know if it's affecting his work" and she then rightly used an example where someone else has had similar and didn't seem to have any negative effect?

Hayliebells · 02/12/2023 12:15

Sorry @StuartSheehyisBack , I meant to quote someone else!

Baircasolly · 02/12/2023 12:18

LeRougeEtLeNoir · 02/12/2023 10:19

I love the ‘dont complain’ answers….

Not one who rd about the fact the OP herself might be exhausted too. And that emailing, setting a new appointment, having time off to go to said appointment is also added work for her.

Yes people can get tired.
Yes some people make mistakes.
But not answering a question 3x and talking about your own dcs as if the parent in front of you didn’t want (or need?) any input from you isn’t on. Not at a parent evening.

At parents' evening, you get 4.5 minutes to "get it right". Sometimes, a conversation just doesn't go the way you were expecting, you get a negative vibe off a parent, and it makes you panic, and you end up jabbering on about something not particularly helpful.

Every single minute in teaching is "visible", every single word throughout the whole day has to be "right". There's almost zero margin for error. Many teachers genuinely are barely coherent by 8pm.

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