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Secondary education

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Original poster

Parents evening, should I complain about this teacher

106 replies

namechanged221 · 30/11/2023 07:44

At parents evening I had some quite important questions about DS's results and options but the teacher seemed to spend a lot of the short 5 minute appointment talking about her own children and how one of them is doing maths at Bristol and the others are doing x,y and a GCSE's and A levels and what that meant in terms of their Uni entry.

When I was driving home I suddenly felt quite angry that I came away from the appointment knowing more about the teacher's kids than I had found out about my DS's progress.

I'm I right to be thinking this is actually quite inappropriate? I don't want to hear about the teacher's own kids, it felt like she was bragging about it. It is also irrelevant.

Should I email the head of year?

OP posts:
BohemondofAntioch · 02/12/2023 12:22

I notice the OP hasn't been able to answer my question about Bristol in over two days. That says something, doesn't it? Not as easy as it looks, eh?

JadeVS72 · 02/12/2023 12:27

Teachers don't get paid a lot, it's a pretty thankless task. Please don't hold them to such high standards and just find another way/time of asking the queation. If this happened at work (someone not answering your Q directly/talking about something else that you deem unrelated) you wouldn't email the person's line manager would you?

CatMandarin · 02/12/2023 13:05

Maybe she was using her experience of getting an older child into a good uni to reassure you that the things you were worried about were not going to be an issue. Hard to say without knowing what you were wondering about.

Original poster
namechanged221 · 02/12/2023 14:54

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 02/12/2023 08:23

What information do you think you will get from the head of year?

It has been two days. Did you type the questions out and email them? Just head it FAO: teachers name and she will receive it.

Also, your questions are really not going to identify you on a worldwide site.

I think it would be quite identifiable as I have friends on here so hence my name change anyway. Or maybe I'm just stuck in the old days of Mumsnet when the people at my mum and baby group defected to mouldies <old>

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged221 · 02/12/2023 14:56

BohemondofAntioch · 02/12/2023 12:22

I notice the OP hasn't been able to answer my question about Bristol in over two days. That says something, doesn't it? Not as easy as it looks, eh?

Oh god, sorry what was the question? I'm struggling with flu so may have missed the question.

OP posts:
BohemondofAntioch · 02/12/2023 15:00

namechanged221 · 02/12/2023 14:56

Oh god, sorry what was the question? I'm struggling with flu so may have missed the question.

Show quote history

Ignore me, OP. I'm making sarcastic comments trying to cheer myself up because I'm ill. Apologies.

Original poster
namechanged221 · 02/12/2023 15:00

LeRougeEtLeNoir · 02/12/2023 10:19

I love the ‘dont complain’ answers….

Not one who rd about the fact the OP herself might be exhausted too. And that emailing, setting a new appointment, having time off to go to said appointment is also added work for her.

Yes people can get tired.
Yes some people make mistakes.
But not answering a question 3x and talking about your own dcs as if the parent in front of you didn’t want (or need?) any input from you isn’t on. Not at a parent evening.

Thanks 🙏 I am

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 02/12/2023 15:16

SecondUsername4me · 02/12/2023 12:14

Is it something that she could give a definitive answer on? Or was it something that she was just trying to use a real life example to reassure you?

Eg, "ds has had 3x supply teachers during this autumn term and I need to know if it's affecting his work" and she then rightly used an example where someone else has had similar and didn't seem to have any negative effect?

A teacher responding to that question with that example about their own children having been fine would indeed be inappropriate and unhelpful.

Potterinthegarden · 02/12/2023 15:38

The teacher took over the meeting, I would be annoyed too! I think it would be best to take a pragmatic approach and not make an issue of it, as others have said. Follow-up with an email (asking your questions).

WaddyDarbucks · 02/12/2023 19:08

Speak to the teacher direct, complaining up the chain is well wet

Justanothermum42 · 02/12/2023 19:41

Yes; that’s not appropriate at all, unless you asked about their kids. Email the teacher, copy head of year and request a follow up meeting.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 02/12/2023 22:03

Justanothermum42 · 02/12/2023 19:41

Yes; that’s not appropriate at all, unless you asked about their kids. Email the teacher, copy head of year and request a follow up meeting.

Again, why the HOY?!

Justanothermum42 · 02/12/2023 22:30

What is HOY?! Not sure what you mean by ‘again’ either 🤷‍♀️

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 02/12/2023 22:34

Justanothermum42 · 02/12/2023 22:30

What is HOY?! Not sure what you mean by ‘again’ either 🤷‍♀️

You have literally used the term head of year in your last post which was quoted. You couldn't work it out from that?! Seriously?

again as in not the first person to suggest it. Again as in what do you think the head of year has to do with a subject teachers reporting at parents evening?

Justanothermum42 · 02/12/2023 23:29

I find you rude. Just because you decide to use abbreviation, does not mean that everyone has to follow suit and agree with that? Have never seen anyone abbreviate that! Head of year should clear the air and offer support to both parties in this situation.
have you helped/worked in a school? As I am talking from experience here.
do you go and comment to everyone who dares repeat something someone else has said? That’s the whole point of this thread isn’t it? (Or any other thread here) to get repeat advice so you decide what to do based on that.

Justonemorecoffeeplease · 03/12/2023 08:39

‘Clear the air…support to both parties’

That’s a little over the top I think. An email is fine. HOY and teachers are extremely busy - I’m not sure a disgruntled parent after a disappointing parents’ evening warrants such intervention. Safeguarding, bullying, academic issues, behaviour problems are just a few reasons which would have priority for a meeting.

Remember secondary teachers often teach well over a 100 students a week.

OP - do email and I hope you get the information you are looking for.

Louiseemily90 · 03/12/2023 11:52

From the tone of this thread maybe the teacher feels uncomfortable and as others have said was just filling the shape with chat it can be so difficult being able to get things across in the 5 minutes. Teachers are human and cannot be expected to be perfect 100% of the time if you’re thinking about complaining about this then maybe she was not sure what to say and was uncomfortable. Email her with the questions don’t complain.
9% of the teaching profession left last year, not to retire but to leave the profession because it’s impossible to live up to the standards expected from everybody every single second of the day.

Lulu123450 · 03/12/2023 19:09

I wouldn’t complain to be honest, ask for some feedback via email and if it happens again just politely turn the conversation to what you want to know

LolaSmiles · 03/12/2023 19:13

I wouldn’t complain to be honest, ask for some feedback via email and if it happens again just politely turn the conversation to what you want to know

Same here.

It's almost like there's a obvious solution to get further clarity on the question asked that involves sending a quick email to the teacher.

Hayliebells · 03/12/2023 19:16

Justonemorecoffeeplease · 03/12/2023 08:39

‘Clear the air…support to both parties’

That’s a little over the top I think. An email is fine. HOY and teachers are extremely busy - I’m not sure a disgruntled parent after a disappointing parents’ evening warrants such intervention. Safeguarding, bullying, academic issues, behaviour problems are just a few reasons which would have priority for a meeting.

Remember secondary teachers often teach well over a 100 students a week.

OP - do email and I hope you get the information you are looking for.

Indeed. I think some posters seriously have no clue about just what a HOY needs to do all day if they think they've got time for mediating between a subject teacher and a parent over a trivial matter such as this. Don't be that knob who takes up a HOY's time with this, when they have MUCH more important things to do.

Findinganewme · 03/12/2023 20:16

Yes, it is inappropriate. For a 5 minute appointment the teacher should tell you 1) how your child has been behaving overall 2) what he/she has done well 3) what your child needs to work on.

I would email the school, for the attention of the teacher, and ask the questions you want answered specifically and ask for a conversation to receive the answers.

also, you listened politely and I generally listen politely too, but when it’s a 5 minute appointment I would intervene and say, ‘oh we only have 4 mins left’.

paddyclampofthethirdkind · 03/12/2023 20:35

It sounds to me as if the teacher answered your question and you didn’t like / understand her response so she used her own kids to try and make you see. It would help if you told us what the question was or at least the gist of it!

Harperhan · 03/12/2023 22:50

Chill out. Teachers are humans and not robots. Just e mail and say there were a few things you forgot to ask and wondered if you could catch up at some point. My husband and son drive me mad with my son’s maths reacher as they all sit and natter about rugby at parents evening. I would though say we have known him for 10 years as he has taught all my kids and know that if there was an issue he would give us a ring and we can e mail any time.

Abbimae · 04/12/2023 06:54

Another teacher bash. Yawn.

StuartSheehyisBack · 04/12/2023 09:54

Abbimae · 04/12/2023 06:54

Another teacher bash. Yawn.

Yet another person who excuses the inappropriate behaviour of a teacher by calling it a "teacher bash". Yawn

(and I am a teacher)

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