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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Daughter got out of school

114 replies

Mumlou13 · 22/09/2023 15:58

My daughter has also walked out of school today and the school didn't even know until I phoned them, as she had rang me to pick her up. She has autism and is in secondary school. She had walked about 15 mins away from school before she rang me upset and scared. The school still haven't rang me back to discuss this I have been waiting all day, does anyone have the best advice on how I can deal with this as a massive complaint so that they know the seriousness of it because obviously they aren't bothered

OP posts:
SmokeMeAKipperSkipper · 22/09/2023 16:13

What have you said to your daughter about leaving the school premises without permission or telling anybody?

UnbeatenMum · 22/09/2023 16:23

Unless she's at a specialist school or has a 1:1 I don't think this is unusual/ unreasonable for secondary schools. I have 2 DC at secondary school, 1 autistic. If no one saw her leave I might be expected to be called at some point but not necessarily within 15 minutes.

VestivalBoom · 22/09/2023 16:50

They took registration in every class at my son's school so it will flag on the system if someone is missing and then a member of staff starts looking for them. If your DD's school is anything like the size of the one my child attended then that is a lot of ground to cover before they look into whether a child has left the site. They may have CCTV and can check that to see if a pupil has left via the main gate but there are usually side gates or other entrances too. Expecting a call between the time your DD left the school and when she called you is asking a lot.

I understand that your child has autism but this isn't a primary school with locked exits, they are 11 and most of them get themselves to school so they shouldn't be leaving school grounds because they understand the need to be in school. There are specific places they can go if they are feeling overwhelmed, student support/pastoral or SENCO. Your DD should not have left. Did she say why she left?

MyBedIsMySpiritualHome · 22/09/2023 16:54

Yeah, secondary school is not like primary.

of she missed registration then it would be flagged, but she is expected to be a bit more sensible and not walk out.

you need to talk to her first to make sure she doesn’t do this again.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/09/2023 16:58

How about addressing the issue that your daughter truanted first?

TinglingTangling · 22/09/2023 16:58

Is it a specialist school? If so then yes that’s bad but if it’s an ordinary secondary then it’s not meant to be a like primary and they are supposed to be taking some responsibility for themselves such as not leaving when they are meant too.

If she didn’t miss registration then it won’t be flagged up straight away if she just never went to lesson.

You need to be speaking to your daughter about not leaving the school grounds when she’s not meant to. This is all her fault, not the schools.

cansu · 22/09/2023 16:59

I think my first thought would be to be seriously annoyed with my dd for walking out. Even if a register was taken and she was flagged as being out of class, it would take longer than ten to fifteen minutes for the school to have searched everywhere and flagged her as a missing or absconded child. Kids go to the loo, to find property, to get uniform sorted etc, etc. The person on call has to be alerted and start looking for them in the building. This takes time. She phoned you. You phoned them. They then knew where she was. Schools are not prisons. Your daughter should not have left without permission.

2reefsin30knots · 22/09/2023 17:00

Who were you expecting to know if she left without telling them?

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 22/09/2023 17:02

if she missed registration then it would be flagged

Even so, I suppose for a few minutes staff would suppose:

she was in the toilet
if Yr 7 couldn't find the room
if older that she wasn't yet used to the new timetable and had forgotten where she was supposed to be
was perhaps with another member of staff
or was just dawdling.

They wouldn't immediately think she had left the premises and ring a parent, unless she had done it before.

Ladybug14 · 22/09/2023 17:02

Why would your daughter leave school in the middle of the day?

I'm quite confused about that. I appreciate that she has autism but she must know not to leave school without permission?

Nemesias · 22/09/2023 17:03

She bunked off and you’re expecting the school to have realised and contacted you within 15 minutes of her leaving?

NerrSnerr · 22/09/2023 17:03

How old is she? Is it a special school or does she have a TA who should be with her?

I think ultimately if in a mainstream secondary school the onus needs to be on her knowing not to leave.

Yourebeingtooloud · 22/09/2023 17:06

Assuming this is mainstream, YABU to expect them to have realised within 15 minutes. She made the wrong choice to leave school and that’s what you need to focus on with her.

Now it’s happened I would expect the school to be more aware of her - for example I know our local school has an at risk list of children who abscond & they look for them quicker than those who aren’t always trying to escape.

FionnulaTheCooler · 22/09/2023 17:09

I agree with the majority of posters on this thread, it's not really reasonable to expect a secondary school to know a child has walked out of school within 15 minutes. As well as changing classes/teachers throughout the day, many schools now also have support units within them that children can go to for a bit of time out if they're feeling overwhelmed, I can see how it could easily be missed that your daughter had left school premises. I would talk to the school about it, but not in a massive complaint way, but to work together to find strategies that can help her if she feels that way again, like is there a quieter area or trusted person she can go to for help rather than just leaving.

swashbucklecheer · 22/09/2023 17:09

The problem here is your daughter left school without permission.

15min is not long when you are teaching a class to find someone isn't where they are supposed to be, to check if anyone else has kept her behind to talk about something or that she hasn't gone to the toilet. To then send out search parties to said toilets to try to find her all while doing the actual job of teaching the students in front of you.

Perhaps less of a "massive complaint " and more of a "massive telling off" for your dd.

allhellcantstopusnow · 22/09/2023 17:11

Ironic that everyone is saying you're being unreasonable for them to have noticed yet the school here won't let anyone leave a classroom without a pass and everyone outside of a classroom is questioned.

Unless she timed it right at the beginning of her lunch break, our school would've noticed and I'd have had an email about a looming detention for ditching a class quicker than you can say "HMP Pentonville".

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 17:13

Yet more people who don't understand autism and that an autistic child walking out of school isn't necessarily "bunking off".
Sigh.

JustFrustrated · 22/09/2023 17:13

allhellcantstopusnow · 22/09/2023 17:11

Ironic that everyone is saying you're being unreasonable for them to have noticed yet the school here won't let anyone leave a classroom without a pass and everyone outside of a classroom is questioned.

Unless she timed it right at the beginning of her lunch break, our school would've noticed and I'd have had an email about a looming detention for ditching a class quicker than you can say "HMP Pentonville".

Same here, and there is NO way to get out of school grounds without it being noticed.

cheezncrackers · 22/09/2023 17:14

Secondary schools typically have an open gate OP. The DC at the school are at least 11 years old and are expected to sign in/out if they are leaving the school premises. The gate isn't manned all day long (only at beginning/end of day in many cases - sometimes at lunchtime). IMO a 'massive complaint' would be out of proportion. If your DC is just walking out of school that's not the school's fault.

allhellcantstopusnow · 22/09/2023 17:15

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 17:13

Yet more people who don't understand autism and that an autistic child walking out of school isn't necessarily "bunking off".
Sigh.

And this.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 22/09/2023 17:19

You wanted to school to notice she was missing and call you in 15 mins? When did she walk out? If it was at the start of break for example that’s 20 mins before the next register right there. At lunch it’s an hour.

what year is she in?

mathanxiety · 22/09/2023 17:23

You need to repost this in the SN section.

TheHorneSection · 22/09/2023 17:23

I have had this in junior school where my DC got left outside the locked building for 20 mins before they were found. I was disappointed and angry with the school to a degree but they are being assessed for autism and sometimes bolted to the calm room, so I can also see how assumptions were made that they had gone there.

So we approached it as a conversation as to how everyone could be sure they had gone for time out and not make assumptions where they were, which felt a lot more productive than simply being angry, and helped put some more procedures in place that could assist both the teachers and the pupils.

Ivebeentogeorgia · 22/09/2023 17:24

If it’s a special school then that’s awful. If it’s mainstream then I wouldn’t expect them to notice immediately

Headingforholidays · 22/09/2023 17:27

We would spend a good 15+ minutes looking around the site for a missing student before we phoned home and made parents panic... pretty embarrassing to call home and then discover they were hiding in the toilets the whole time! However, we do have a list of 'flight risk' students who have a tendency to run off... we wouldn't waste any time on those ones.