Daughter got out of school

[Mumlou13]

My daughter has also walked out of school today and the school didn't even know until I phoned them, as she had rang me to pick her up. She has autism and is in secondary school. She had walked about 15 mins away from school before she rang me upset and scared. The school still haven't rang me back to discuss this I have been waiting all day, does anyone have the best advice on how I can deal with this as a massive complaint so that they know the seriousness of it because obviously they aren't bothered

This with bells on. We are going through a terrible time with poor DD2, for whom the transition is panning out even worse than I feared. It’s not as easy as saying ‘oh just go to pastoral support’. School are being pretty good but a lot of balls were dropped with transition despite my requests because schools are overstretched and autistic girls often put on a brave face until they simply can’t anymore and the wheels fall off, so their support needs get bumped right down the priority list. The only slight positive to come out of this situation is that our second attempt at an EHCP might be more successful.

I think it's more important to discuss with the school why she left the site, rather then how, especially if it's an open site school.

If it was because of her autism and she was dysregulated and needed to get out. I would be speaking to school and dd and a discussion with all parties about putting a plan in place -a safe space in school, activities etc she can do to help her become regulated again.

Does she have a EHCP, support plan already in place ? Aware not all autistic children will have one, as I doubt my own dd will have one when she gets to secondary. Also what is the pastoral , SEN support like? Is there a hub, person etc where if she is struggling again she can go to.

Your comment about taxpayers money is right, not enough of it is allocated to meet support needs sadly and therefore so many justified parental requests for support get turned down. Of course we fight - I have been through the tribunal process and everything. Do you know how hard it is to ‘just’ sort your child out with a 1:1 or find a more suitable alternative school?

These comments about “get your child a statement (they don’t issue statements anymore, they’ve been replaced by EHCPs); apply for an EHCP” are coming from people who don’t know how hard that is. Even a few years ago it was easier than it is now. My son was assessed by an EP at preschool along side another little boy, they are both AuDHD but because the other boy also has dyslexia he got all the diagnoses and eventually an EHCP, my son got none. I suspect had they been applying for an EHCP for that boy now then he’d not get one.
I’ve given up trying to fight the LA for an EHCP for my son and instead putting my efforts into working with the school to ensure his needs are understood and met as best they can. The poor school have probably had more e-mails/phone calls from/to me in the past 3 weeks about my son than from/to all the other parents combined, but I will advocate for my son until his needs are met, as I know no one else will.

It may shock someone people, but sometimes autistic kids also do things for the same reasons NT kids do

With bells on

I am so discombobulated currently, due both to the current efforts to get Y7 DD2 to manage full days at school and keep all concerned happy, and people’s perceptions that we are just pissing around at home watching daytime TV and not accessing the plentiful support on offer, that I omitted the possessive apostrophe from “taxpayers’” in my previous post, apologies 🤪.

I do think that this is partly because the definition of autism is now so stretched that it is not very meaningful. A diagnosis is supposed to put boundaries around a condition primarily to aid support either medically or otherwise.

So now we are in a position where getting a diagnosis for autism is only the first hurdle for parents, they then have to go to extraordinary lengths with often extra private assessments from psychologists, speech, occupational therapists to show really what their child’s needs are. And often a child has to ‘fail’ or have a traumatic experience in order to prove that they are vulnerable or need extra safe guarding.

I have a very vulnerable child with complex needs, but I am having to ‘prove’ his vulnerability and will be pushed into mainstream, even well meaning friends suggest mainstream and I find myself having to say over and over again, he is not able to make cognitive decisions to keep himself safe. It’s very wearing.

For those with autistic children who do not need extra safeguarding, then surely by the OP saying that she was worried about her child because of his autism is saying that her child is more vulnerable than yours in that regard.

My kids secondary they could get out of four or five exits. Getting in is harder, and you need buzzing in, but there's a push button for exit at all the gates. Actually the juniors was the same, so a child could walk out of that if they wanted to.

And the site is huge. Even if you knew exactly where the child had gone, it could easily take 10 minutes to get there and check thoroughly-especially if it was at change of lesson time.
Unless she told a teacher she was walking out though, then I wouldn't expect the first thought of a teacher with 29 children in front of them to think "Emily's later than everyone else, let's put an alert that she's walked out of school".
They'll have asked the class and probably got "She's gone to the toilet, miss". "She said she had an appointment" "she was in the last lesson..." "She was still packing her bags when I left." "I saw her talking to Mr C." So it could easily take 15 minutes to establish that she was missing.

Students do protect each other to a certain extent, and make excuses, assuming that their friend will turn up. I remember at school a friend's sister ran away and not one of the bus load told anyone that she'd got off halfway home with older boyfriend at the bus stop by the train station until police were involved. All sort of explanations were given-and she hadn't even told people not to tell.

Locally I had a young lad turn up at work who'd walked out of school and just kept walking. Last time he'd apparently been eventually picked up by the police 6 or 7 miles away. He was totally calm, quite happy for me to phone the school (who were very relieved). But he told me plainly that he'd asked his 1-2-1 TA if he could go to the toilet, walked in one entrance, out the other and left school. He told me that he had plenty of ideas to get out when he wanted to.
When school came to fetch him, I suggested they relaxed their mobile phone rule for him and allow him to put a phone in his pocket. They told him then and there that he could carry a mobile on the basis that once he'd walked out he rang them or Mum to tell them where he was.

And just because she's in a mainstream, doesn't mean mainstream is the appropriate setting.

@fuckityfuckityfuckfuck that comment was more aimed at the "well I hope you grounded her" crowd.

@SuperSue77 you can apply for the ehcp your self. Sendias can support/advise. If school are working with you that's great but if your child needs a Sen school down the line the issue will be they won't accept them without a ehcp. Or if they go mainstream senior school you may find they are less willing to work with you.

I know. And the similar comments that if it's a mainstream school then she should be able to follow the rules and not "bunk off". I was just adding that even if she's in mainstream, doesn't mean it's the right place for her.

My ds with asd used to walk out of school quite a lot, he found school massively overwhelming. Sometimes they would let me know and sometimes I'd ring and let them know. It's not the schools fault. The only issue I had was when the school framed it as truanting. He wasn't just pissing off for fun but because he wasn't being supported and never wanted to break down in school when it all for too much for him. Mainstream secondary for neurodiverse kids can be hell!

I am quite aware that we have adult pupils, and when I said kids, I did indeed mean minors. The sixth form is in a different building that has key card access but no reception. It opens onto the carpark and sixth formers sign in and out at the manned gate. So no, no adults are prevented from leaving. Reception aren't the ones determining whether a child can or cannot leave the site anyway btw.