Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Daughter got out of school

114 replies

Mumlou13 · 22/09/2023 15:58

My daughter has also walked out of school today and the school didn't even know until I phoned them, as she had rang me to pick her up. She has autism and is in secondary school. She had walked about 15 mins away from school before she rang me upset and scared. The school still haven't rang me back to discuss this I have been waiting all day, does anyone have the best advice on how I can deal with this as a massive complaint so that they know the seriousness of it because obviously they aren't bothered

OP posts:
Dominoeffecter · 22/09/2023 17:30

If it’s mainstream then YABU

VariationsonaTheme · 22/09/2023 17:34

Secondary schools are often open sites so students can just leave. And staff won’t restrain them to stop them leaving even if they did see them go. They would usually follow them though to make sure they were safe.

gogomoto · 22/09/2023 17:40

Depends when it was, my DD's school (and she has autism too) was open so they could go out at lunch for instance, they would only know she was missing at registration, and yes she went home many times and I got a call to say she had registered in the afternoon (some days she didn't make it until morning break before I was called because she wanted to go home!)

Specialist provision is obviously different, all depends on whether your dd had this

MamaGhina · 22/09/2023 17:55

Yeah depends on the time of day really, if she went to morning registration and then left I’m not completely surprised. They might not have realised until lunch registration. How did she get out? My child’s school you can only leave via reception so they catch the ones bunking off but I know other schools have some open exits.

Agree with the others tbh you need to address why she’s bunking off rather then blame the school.

ReadyForPumpkins · 22/09/2023 17:55

DC1 secondary doesn’t have gates. Kids can just leave when they want. It’s a secondary not primary. Kids travel to and from school themselves.

SuperSue77 · 22/09/2023 17:59

Dominoeffecter · 22/09/2023 17:30

If it’s mainstream then YABU

I think a lot of people here are assuming that if OP’s daughter is in mainstream then she can’t be vulnerable and she should be treated like every other child without particular needs.
Anyone who knows how badly SEN is resourced in schools will understand that a lot of our kids who need extra support are just not getting it.
My 11 yr old AuDHD son is more aligned in maturity with a year 5, yet the LA refused to assess him for an EHCP because academically he is well above age expectations. They refuse to accept the daily struggles he has or his increased vulnerability. If my son left his mainstream secondary I’d be furious and I’d be contacting the LA team and would expect a meeting with the school.
I would not accept “he’s in a mainstream secondary, get over it”. At another time, my son would have an EHCP and be in a more appropriate setting, but we’re in 2023 with a Tory govt so my son is shoved into a massive secondary and left to fail before his needs get any recognition. Luckily, his school is very in tune with kids with extra needs and has been really supportive and communicative with me. But not may secondaries are like this unfortunately.

Bouncyball23 · 22/09/2023 18:16

I used todo this alot go in get morning mark walk out instead off going to first lesson go hang out in park then go bk at dinner get afternoon mark and back out again secondary school is nothing like primary children are trusted to go to where they should go getting them ready for adulthood.

Spirallingdownwards · 22/09/2023 18:20

allhellcantstopusnow · 22/09/2023 17:11

Ironic that everyone is saying you're being unreasonable for them to have noticed yet the school here won't let anyone leave a classroom without a pass and everyone outside of a classroom is questioned.

Unless she timed it right at the beginning of her lunch break, our school would've noticed and I'd have had an email about a looming detention for ditching a class quicker than you can say "HMP Pentonville".

Not all schools mistrust their pupils enough to operate a hall pass system.

Dominoeffecter · 22/09/2023 18:23

It’s also the terminology ‘got out’ it’s not prison, and your daughter will not be the only person not registered in, all have to be looked into and it takes ages.

Notonthestairs · 22/09/2023 18:24

"I think a lot of people here are assuming that if OP’s daughter is in mainstream then she can’t be vulnerable and she should be treated like every other child without particular needs.
Anyone who knows how badly SEN is resourced in schools will understand that a lot of our kids who need extra support are just not getting it."

Absolutely @SuperSue77

SN schools in my area have a 2 year wait for a primary places.
The wait for secondary is much longer.
It means vulnerable pupils are placed in m/s secondaries who often struggle to meet need.

allhellcantstopusnow · 22/09/2023 18:26

@Spirallingdownwards I'm not entirely sure what your point is.

The model of modern secondary schools is an authoritarian, restricted environment. It's not a good thing.

Sunshinenrain · 22/09/2023 18:28

What time you ring them?

I would be annoyed if I rang them in the morning and they hadn’t gotten back to me all day but chances are they were just waiting for school to finish to talk to you properly.

Your DD walking out is not their problem though (unless she had been missing for hours).
She is old enough to know better and she is the one in the wrong here.
Her autism is irrelevant unless she needs a 1:1 or is a runner, in which case a mainstream secondary school probably isn’t the right setting for her.

EdithStourton · 22/09/2023 18:31

Secondary schools should not be like prisons.

Prescottdanni123 · 22/09/2023 18:31

Is she in mainstream school? If she is, it is very easy for a student to sneak out without being noticed.

SaySomethingMan · 22/09/2023 18:35

OP, what a scary situation for your DD and you.
Im really sorry to hear this happened.

Could this be the first sign that the school isn’t able to meet her need? Does she have a TA? Email the SENCO and ask for an urgent call on monday. This points towards failing to safeguard a vulnerable child. Has she done anything like this before? Can she remember why she did it?

The ignorance about autism is outstanding.

Sugargliderwombat · 22/09/2023 18:42

Schools aren't prisons. They are preparing xhildren for the real world. She needs to learn not to walk out.

Obviously if this is a specialist provision or a 1:1 that changes things.

piefacedClique · 22/09/2023 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SaySomethingMan · 22/09/2023 18:44

🤦‍♂️

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/09/2023 18:49

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 17:13

Yet more people who don't understand autism and that an autistic child walking out of school isn't necessarily "bunking off".
Sigh.

It's still truancy.

Thinking of the children we've had on Safety Plans where the instant they aren't in class, somebody is notified for an urgent search that mustn't stop until they have been found or you're pretty sure they're not on site, you've then got to cover;

Medical.

Main building, three floors, three sets of stairs, library, four sets of toilets, four entrances/exits/Learning Support. SENDCO's office. Library. Respite rooms.

Seven labs, three prep areas, staff toilets.

Four Deputy's Rooms, one head of year's office, one counsellor's office.

Dining Hall, toilets, kitchen and delivery area.

Back of PE block, changing rooms. Three gyms and associated storage rooms and cupboards, toilets.

Food Tech, back of food tech. Food tech storage room.

Main Hall, back of hall, behind stage, top of stage.

Art rooms. Prep Room. Store Rooms.

Behind Art Rooms and Prep Room.

Music practice rooms (12). Drama. Music classrooms. Performance space, behind stage, under stage, check all cupboard doors.

Corridor leading to more toilets. The toilets.

DT area. Toilets.

Sixth form, toilets, common room, dining room, classrooms.

Disabled toilets.

English huts. Behind each English hut.

Languages building and toilets.

Computer Rooms.

Behind plant room.

Field 1, Long Jump field, back of field. Rugby pitch.

Tennis courts and astroturf.

Approximately 490 separate trees, bushes and other vegetation.

Front car park, middle car park, top car park. Behind vehicles, between vehicles.

Back of bins.

Back of kitchen bins.

Behind caretaker's shed, storage and office.

Go to IT, find where the technician is at this moment (probably under a desk fixing a computer right now), get them to return to their office and start looking through CCTV of each entrance to see whether they've nipped out when a delivery has arrived. Check the fence line to see whether they've gone over it at some point around the three mile perimeter.

All by a small number of people who should also be dealing with other things because they don't just sit around all day waiting for one kid to not show up in lesson. And add to that the anxiety of checking each area, wondering if this is the day you're going to find a child in need of urgent lifesaving first aid - whilst the suitably motivated kid is often moving to a new location ahead of you because they've heard footsteps or kept lookout and know you're searching for them.

Sending an automatic within 5 minutes' alert just results in parents screaming down the phone about how you're overreacting/frightened them when the kid usually walks into class at the same time as the screaming down the phone line commences - or you're trying to go and look for them but you're stuck on the phone being screamed at, so aren't able to look for them until the parent hangs up.

SuperSue77 · 22/09/2023 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That is so offensive

Scrambledchickens · 22/09/2023 18:54

Hope you and your daughter are ok OP,
has your daughter left before without telling staff? She must have been feeling upset to leave. I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing as you really want to work as a team with the staff. My Ds used to run during meltdowns at primary and staff would follow at a distance and call me. I think secondary campus’s might be much harder to police.
You need to come up with a safe space that she can go during the school day if she needs time out, also if she has a phone would she call/ text you if she was overwhelmed? Secondary school is a huge change with a lot of new demands and stresses so it might be worth trying to find out exactly what happened today to make her feel like leaving and see if you can improve things for her.
if you are on Facebook have a look at the not fine in school group, there is loads of parents in similar situations x

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 18:58

@NeverDropYourMooncup I meant "not truancy" as in she was being "naughty", doing it for a laugh and needs to be punished for it - but probably more of some type of can't cope panic.
Most of the secondary schools I know are surrounded by fences and have gates that you have to be buzzed out of - so it's rare to be able to just "walk out" so I am surprised that many on this thread are saying their local secondary schools aren't like that.

LetMeEnfoldYou · 22/09/2023 18:58

My autistic daughter walked out of school earlier this year, got a bus to a different town, and walked around hoping she would die if she just didn't eat and stayed out in the cold.

The school didn't notice and didn't inform us, although she is obviously vulnerable.

I put a complaint in to the education board but it's been 🤷🏻‍♀️ all round to be honest.

I don't know what the answer is here if they're in mainstream school, but you have my sympathy.

Wouldyouguess · 22/09/2023 18:59

swashbucklecheer · 22/09/2023 17:09

The problem here is your daughter left school without permission.

15min is not long when you are teaching a class to find someone isn't where they are supposed to be, to check if anyone else has kept her behind to talk about something or that she hasn't gone to the toilet. To then send out search parties to said toilets to try to find her all while doing the actual job of teaching the students in front of you.

Perhaps less of a "massive complaint " and more of a "massive telling off" for your dd.

But the child should not be able to leave school via closed gates and someone sitting in the office just like that.

ACertainKindOfLight · 22/09/2023 18:59

I doubt very much she just merely ambled out of school to bunk off.
My son suffered with awful panic attacks at school triggering his fight or flight response, he came out of school several times.
He is home educated now and so much happier.

Swipe left for the next trending thread