Year 11 Child moved from Scotland to England and content to learn overwhelming - son doesn't want to even try

[Stressbucket1973]

I have a son in Year 11 - we moved from Scotland to England and the difference between National 5's and GCSE seems vast. He has so much content to learn before the exams. He has mocks in November and hasn't got a clue. He is so overwhelmed that he has just given up. He won't talk to us or even try. He is also dyslexic and the amount of work to get through is daunting. The school are trying to help and given us the areas he needs to focus on. but he has set his mind that he will fail so why bother. I can't get him to sit down and concentrate.

I feel like we are constantly harassing him to study or work or do anything... he just won't sit down and focus. He just want to game or go to the skate park and escape. He says he's thick and won't pass so why should he bother. He doesn't like school and is feeling totally overwhelmed.

The school allowed him to drop one subject but the issue is combined science being mandatory. He only had to do Physics in Scotland so he now has to catch up on chemistry and biology topics that others have been studying for over a year.

I'm at my wits end and my husband and I don't know what to do. We are trying to help and support but I feel all we are doing is making our son feel worse. I really don't know how to get him to want to try. There seems to be a lot going on for him and I'm wondering how we help him to try... I'm desperate and stressed out - any advice would be most welcome.

I don't know if this has already been suggested, but perhaps try something like King's Interhigh, home educate and complete his Scottish exams. He can socialise at the skate park etc and with his online classmates and still have down time. It would make it less overwhelming for him, if he can't go back to Scotland.

This isn’t true at all. I know of several children that have dropped back a year in state schools. My DDs village college has two children in her class alone that are a year older than usual. It’s usually due to long term illness, serious injury or bereavement. The head teacher can approve it at their level.

Poor kid. Even if there’s a parent in the military you don’t have to move the child at such a crucial stage of their education. DH got a posting when DS1 was in YR10, it was only 45 miles away, but there was no way I was moving him. We contacted housing and they allowed us to keep the house while DH commuted. Had he have had to go to Scotland he’d have been expected to live in the mess while we stayed at home.

I mean, if he moved in year 11, he's basically doing exams that he hasn't been taught any of the content for that's like an impossible task. I don't know what to suggest other than hold him back two years so he can start year 10 and actually learn the content in the exams.... I'm sorry not to be able to offer better advice, I'm actually a secondary school teacher and I really don't know what you can do, I'm not surprised he's very stressed.

I moved for year 11 and had to learn German from scratch and start a couple of other subjects asit was all different. Incredibly traumatic. Put me off education for life. I got straight As and A*s when I got my results but the damage was done and id been absolutely convinced I was going to fail due to the way my parents harassed me about how lazy I was and how I wasnt revising...
I know this may have been a move you couldn't avoid but the very least you could do by your son is stop harassing him and instead reassure him to just do the exams then retake them later if he's not achieved what he would like. Your sons mental health is far more important than some grades. And if you ruin that he won't be going any further with education anyway because he will be utterly traumatised. Be compassionate and dont nag him. This is ALOT for him to be going through. It sounds like his self esteem is already super low without added pressure of you acting like this is such a high pressured situation.
My advice is to pick the subject hes best at and get him to focus on that in the hopes he might pass that and have one less to retake. And keep it chill. Honestly look at the bigger picture... you want him to do A levels etc? That isnt going to happen if he's totally emotionally destroyed by this experience. Focus on his mental health.. focus on things he actually is good at, to build his engagement with learning and his self esteem back up. Reassure him that you'll be proud of him for just doing what he can manage.

I feel so sorry for your son. He has dylexia to contend with, now you've moved him, and he has two whole science topics to cram in. I can understand why he feels so hopeless. My advice would be that you move him to to relatives if you can as this could seriously impact his education. If that's not possible, prepare yourself for the possibility that he will fail and he'll have to retake his GSCEs again which would delay him from going to uni, if that's the plan.

The upside is that I have been in GCSE adult education classes with someone who was 17 and was mostly homeschooled, and the standard of education was vastly higher than what I got in school. It was like night and day, and the class size was much smaller as well. You might be able to get the same in your area so do consider that.

You know multiple children who are educated outside of their chronological year in state secondary schools?

Hi, I've re read your post. I'm a secondary school teacher so I have experience with GCSE's and to be honest, taking them having missed year 11 is an impossible task, even for the brightest kids. My advice would be to give up on this year, and stop piling on the pressure if you want to have a relationship with your son he has every right to be very upset with the situation you've put him in. You have a few options. 1) You can spend the rest of this school year and the summer employing private tutors to catch him up on the content he missed in year 10 and then he can retake year 11 and do his exams next summer. 2) again, don't do GCSEs this year, but see if there a way he can do a home schooling programme in his Scottish highest so finish year 11 in those and take these exams next year. 3) There are adult education courses for people who don't have grades to get into uni, speak to your local college and see if any of these would be suitable to replace his GCSE's 4) See if there is relative in Scotland who could have him for year so he could resist year 11 in the Scottish system and do his highest next year.

Yes. The pandemic left a lot of children with long covid. So this is not as rare as you may think and it is absolutely possible in state schools.

Is there any way he could go back and repeat a year to give him more time to prepare? That way if he gets decent grades he could either carry on or move to a more practical skill based training

Not read the full thread so apologies for repeating others. I suggest you invest in CGP revision guides and a science tutor. Focus on the core subjects that could limit him later on: Maths, English, Science. It is achievable to get 6s even at this late point. Those 4 gcses will also make up most of the generic 5 that are asked for so even more reason to focus on them.

Remember (and remind him) that gcse's are just a tool to get him to the next stage of what he wants to do and to not limit him in the future. If he knows what he wants to do - great! Talk to the school or college about special consideration due to his disrupted education. It will help him relax if he has an unconditional offer with a clear pathway to achieve english/maths alongside it. If he doesn't then talk to a school/college about courses that would give him the opportunity to show his ability and keep nice wide options at the end of the course once he has a bit more of an idea of what's for him. Assuming you have the statuatory basics most future recruitment will only look at his highest level of education. Sadly my A in Religious Studie GCSE has not once been asked for.
He is amazing, sitting gcses after starting in year 11, make sure he knows that.

I used to teach adults science at night school - people who didn't get the qualification needed and then realised they wanted to be a nurse or similar and needed that gcse. They were juggling it alongside work and family, doing it in a year, having gotten out of the habit of studying. We only did single science so there was a little less content but all of my students got what they needed. He will get a second chance if this year doesn't work out. Make sure he knows that, but balance it with how much easier life will be going forward if he throws everything at it right now and just puts his head down for a year.

Best of luck for this tough year. Let us know how it goes

Throw everything at English and maths, and maybe one other subject (whatever he finds easiest or most enjoyable). Forget about all the other subjects— that means don’t do any homework, use lesson time to revise/go over the other subjects, don’t even try to pass them and tell the school that’s what the plan is (they might be more onboard than you think), save all the brain space for those 2 or 3 GCSEs. At college, pick subjects that don’t build on gcse content, and try to pick up 2 or 3 more GCSEs (which is manageable).

You probably can’t change your short term family circumstances or undo the move to England like other posters so helpfully advise, so priority is to preserve his morale and confidence by setting an achievable goal and selling it to him in a positive way. ‘You are right, of course it’s impossible to learn the entire gcse curriculum for 9 subjects in 2 terms, so instead we’re going to focus on a few core subjects to get you to the next stage of your education where it will be a more level playing field’. Having a small number of GCSEs is fine if there are extenuating circumstances (which these are) as long as he can demonstrate that when the playing field is levelled, he can work hard and do well - which won’t happen if his confidence is shattered by bad GCSEs .

I’m a teacher (year 6) and when we have children who look unlikely to pass all 3 SATS subjects, we identify the subject they have the biggest chance of passing and throw everything at it so that at least they can pass one thing. And if it’s impossible for them to pass anything, we focus on managing expectations and boosting confidence in other ways. I lie and say that a scaled score of 90 is a really good score and very close to the pass mark of 100 - but it’s not (scores range from 80 to 120).

Unfortunately there isn't much the school can do.

Unless it was an emergency move, you really should have planned it better and done much more research before putting your son in this position. If it was an emergency move it can't be helped and a solution needs to to be found before he drops put altogether, but if it wasn't an emergency then you have set him up to fail.

Ask about moving him down a year or try and get him back in a school in Scotland.

Your poor son, I really feel for him.

Oh and build in time for the skate park. That is going to be so so important for his physical and mental health.

Perhaps create a timetable together with skating, tutors and homework time. Go through with him to decide what homework to focus on. Write notes for the subjects you've decided are not as key. Let him keep working hard on one subject that he enjoys though, so he really has a chance of seeing what he can do. They might leg him drop more if they know they won't be getting work from him - then he can use that time in the school library to focus on the subjects he is doing.

I do think a tutor is key. Someone who can focus on him and allow you to take on a more general supportive role. Also a clear time slot is harder to put off, especially if there are consequences for a lack of attendance.

Honestly at this point I would home school with a tutor and try and get him to sit Scottish exams externally

He has been dropped off at the bottom of Mount everest and told to get to the top without any of the training required to get there. Best scenario you can hope for is he passes maths and English and fails everything else. Worst case is you lose your son in the process.

He needs a realistic way of getting the best out of a bad situation and that is the Scottish exams and passing. He will not come out of this passing gcse's and no amount of studying is going to change that. No child can cram two year to three years worth of studying into 6 months and expect to pass. It is unachievable and understandably thinks it is hopeless so why even try.

S1 -S4?

S1 -S4?

OP, you've had some harsh comments here

These might interest you https://scholar.hw.ac.uk/
https://www.dyw.scot/nowrongpath.html

I'm sorry but what on earth did you expect to happen?

I'm sorry, but how on earth is your comment helpful?

You are in a hiding to nothing trying to do the impossible. Your poor son. No one can cover 2 years content in a few months. It’s cruel to expect him to try. If he already struggles then this will further harm his confidence.
He needed to stay in Scotland. If he’s here and hasn’t got an option their eg family then I’d look at online or tutors and sit Scottish exams.
If he’s moving to English system I’d look for a college that offers limited gcse and try and get basics eg maths & English passed.
Then get on next course he wants and explain gcse position by being moved from a different country yr 11.
It’s a shame no one at school was allowed to say are you mad instead they have had to take him but it’s a totally impossible situation.

I'm sure that you had no choice, so I mean all this as helpful suggestions and Perspectives. I agree that it isn't possible, and I think that the school is also at fault. They should simply not have allowed it. If I were you I would either put him in year 10 or let him finish in the Scottish system online, then enroll for A levels or apprenticeships in England using his Scottish qualifications.

For what it's worth, I moved to England into YR 10 and even that was hard, they already gear YR 9 content towards the GSCEs in science and maths, it all follows on naturally. And I ended up being a straight As student when A levels came around. But I honestly never made up for that time in year 10 adjusting to everything. I did ok at GSCEs in the end, but it would have been impossible starting in YR 11.

I can only assume that you had no option but to move. I’d be looking at the costs of renting somewhere near his old school for a year and taking him back there to finish his courses.

My parents did this
moved me when I was half way through my GCSEs ..
the new school didn’t have spaces in my chosen subjects,so I ended up having 1 year to learn new subjects,that i wasn’t interested in ,and consequently failed the majority.
it followed me throughout my life .
there was to many to re take at college ,and life got in the way of redoing them .shit parenting on their behalf

Should the OP be brave enough to return, I see others have suggested home education. If you're able to, would https://www.saturdayschoolglasgow.com/ be useful to also look at, they have fully on line courses to Nat5 for things like Maths etc, aimed at home educated students & adults