Year 11 Child moved from Scotland to England and content to learn overwhelming - son doesn't want to even try

[Stressbucket1973]

I have a son in Year 11 - we moved from Scotland to England and the difference between National 5's and GCSE seems vast. He has so much content to learn before the exams. He has mocks in November and hasn't got a clue. He is so overwhelmed that he has just given up. He won't talk to us or even try. He is also dyslexic and the amount of work to get through is daunting. The school are trying to help and given us the areas he needs to focus on. but he has set his mind that he will fail so why bother. I can't get him to sit down and concentrate.

I feel like we are constantly harassing him to study or work or do anything... he just won't sit down and focus. He just want to game or go to the skate park and escape. He says he's thick and won't pass so why should he bother. He doesn't like school and is feeling totally overwhelmed.

The school allowed him to drop one subject but the issue is combined science being mandatory. He only had to do Physics in Scotland so he now has to catch up on chemistry and biology topics that others have been studying for over a year.

I'm at my wits end and my husband and I don't know what to do. We are trying to help and support but I feel all we are doing is making our son feel worse. I really don't know how to get him to want to try. There seems to be a lot going on for him and I'm wondering how we help him to try... I'm desperate and stressed out - any advice would be most welcome.

I can’t think of a scenario where one parent couldn’t stay in Scotland with him til next June so he could finish his schooling there. I feel so sad for him

Separation? Bereavement? Military posting? Caring responsibilities?

Really, none?

Can his Scottish (or another Scottish school) school facilitate online learning so he can stick with sitting the exams he has been preparing for?

Thing is life does throw curved balls and emergencies happen - but what I don't get is why the Op is so surprised so late on and thinks getting her DS to try would be enough,

I can only think perhaps she not used to UK education systems even moving between English schools isn't always straight forward - different boards are used and they have different syllabuses - even in Wales where it's the same board they may well have sat many of the end exams of y10 or Christmas depending on the school.

My advice:

Talk again to the school - see if they can offer any more flexibility as he's clearly struggling - they may not be able to but they might fudge something for him.

Look at on-line school Scottish curriculum see if can finish previous courses.

Alternatively on-line school English staring at Y10 or see if they will condense down to 12 month for a few subjects - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/home_ed may well be worth reading asking on.

See if there was 14-16 provisions at college in your area and if they'd take him they may still this year but I'd get a move on.

Also look now to see what options there are locally if he doesn't get the 5 GCSE at grade 4/5 as needed - that will vary depending on area you are in.

Immediately try to locate a local tutor to get English Lang and maths GCSE on track as they have to retake if they don't get till 18.

Beyond that getting a 4/5 ( not sure which as I'm in wales who don't use nos) in 3 other subjects opens more doors post 16. I'd find the boards get the text books and work book with those and find time to sit down and work though with him - and online sites may need to pay for some - and explain situation to him - he has more options with 5 GCSE.

Sometimes it's not a persons choice
I moved I don't know how many times as a child including being at one school for 8 weeks and a move from private school to state school and a move in year 9
My parents job meant they got told of a move and where to, and it was usually around 4-6 weeks notice
The move in year 9 meant going to a school with compulsory German and I was 2 years behind

You not being able to think of one scenario doesn't mean there aren't any though.

My parents couldn't have done. Their job was together and moves weren't their choice
We moved from Oxford to Bury with 4 weeks notice so schools were "whatever has space"
I went to 3 nurseries, had 2 nannies, 4 primary schools, 3 secondary and 2 colleges

Nothing really to add other than it must be really hard for you all. GCSEs are tough exams and there are lots of them.

We have lots of family in Scotland and it appears on paper like they specialise later due to the Highers but in reality as there is an extra year of secondary school in England children sit GCSEs after 5 years (as they would Highers). They are also supposed to carry on with some variety of all three sciences until then. So in terms of years in education England actually specialises later.

I know people are trying to be helpful, and some people are really writing up in-depth, insightful comments, like @HotApplePiePunch, or sharing personal experiences like @Anothershitusername, so just be aware the OP hasn’t returned since the 22nd when they started the thread - not a single comment from them. So not even the most basic questions - why did you move a child in year 11, and any chance he can go back to Scotland? - have been answered and they may never be.

My parents couldn't have done. Their job was together and moves weren't their choice

Lots of (most?) parents in this situation choose to use boarding schools or have one person change careers. Because moving schools so often is really damaging to most children.

I don't blame OP, based on some of the horrible comments earlier.

The OP is clearly not heartless. Or she wouldn’t be so worried and stressed about her son and his feelings. What an awful thing to say to someone asking for help. Doesn’t take a genius to see who is the heartless one is on this thread. ..

In my experience GCSE courses are harder than Nat 5s - I have family and friends living in both countries. But that’s besides the point really. He either needs to sit his exams in Scotland (or Scottish exams remotely) or go back a year in England. I’m sure his parents didn’t intend to cause him such grief, there could be many reasons for a move.

Im with your DS. He’s in an impossible situation. It shows maturity that he’s recognised that and is insisting something is down to improve his situation. I assume there was no alternative to moving? If there is an alternative use it asap! If you can afford it private boarding school in Scotland to finish’s his education. Or back to his old school but staying with family if that’s an option. Repeat year 10 is another option but really unfair on him. Lots of private tutoring outside school is essential if he’s staying in England but I’d suggest he repeats year 10 even with this in place. How’s your relationship with him? He may be understandably angry at the situation he’s been put in. You’ll need to consider that too

What are the school supposed to do?!

🤔kids in Scotland do the same number of years at school as England. My son is currently in 5th year at high school after 7 years at primary.

They had already changed careers for a life together and not apart as my mum was working long hours as a ward sister
Boarding school wasn't an option due to salary so we just had to go with it

There could be many reasons for a move but the curriculum differences shouldn't have come as a surprise especially when the child has dyslexia and presumably needs additional learning support.

I'm not surprised that he feels as he does

First, Combined Science is NOT mandatory (legally). Do school offer separate sciences? If so is there a timetabling option where he can do single Physics? Or can he do the foundation paper?

Second, schools priority is sadly, sometimes, not student-centred, but yours is. Your son needs 5 GCSEs grades 4-9, including English and Maths, to progress into a college course or 6th form. Is there something he would like to do next? That should be what you and he (and school) are aiming for. There is no need at all to try to do 9/10/11 subjects, with 8 months to go he has no chance and he is seeing that even if school stubbornly are not.

I would be saying - he will disengage further if there aren't some further adjustments. It will affect his Mental Health and future chances (and possibly attendance) and these are more important than him fitting into their assumptions. Ask to sit no more than 6 GCSEs, if he is not doing some timetabled options he can go to student support/whatever they call it and work on subjects he is doing.

Schools can and do do this.

What did your parents do that they had to move together at short notice when you were doing an important exam year in secondary school?

@SirChenjins running pubs/hotels
They were told when and where to move by the brewery

Yes, not ideal at all.

If I had a child who had difficulties learning and who was in the middle of an important exam year I’d change my career before putting my teenager through a move to a different country and exam system.

Isn't it the case that after doing Nat5 qualifications in the 5th year of high school (similar to GCSEs but with a very different curriculum and scope) many students will then just do one year for 6th year studies/scottish highers and will then leave school, potentially joining a university in a 'foundation' year in the year that their english contemporaries are still at school completing their 2nd year of A-Levels. I know that some schools in Scotland offer a 2-year sixth form culminating in A-Levels but this isn't universal and having 6 years of senior education followed by 4 years of higher education (as opposed to 7 years of senior followed by 3 years of higher as in England) isn't unusual.

Nat5s are done in 4th year - kids can then leave once they turn 16 or stay on for 5th & possibly 6th year to sit highers