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Secondary education

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Original poster

Confiscated phone…unreasonable or not?

177 replies

Fruitflylady · 12/09/2023 11:17

Just had an email from DS’s school to say he’s had his phone confiscated, and that they’re keeping it until Friday!
They introduced this new sanction this term, so it’s my first experience with it. He’s never had his phone confiscated before, and I don’t know why it’s happened now as I can’t get through to the school to ask.
I’m happy to accept he’s made a mistake in using it when he shouldn’t have, and fair enough that they confiscate it for the day, but it seems out of order for them to keep it for the rest of the week. We use it to keep track of where he is when he’s walking home, and he can call to ask for help when he needs it.
How would everyone else approach this situation?

OP posts:
2weekstowait · 12/09/2023 18:27

I would contact the school and ask for it back immediately if it was my son's phone. I think confiscating it while he is at school is fine but the phone is for contacting me if he has a problem after school when I'm still at work. I work in different locations every day so he wouldn't know where I was or be able to phone another number. No way would I be happy with four days.

MintJulia · 12/09/2023 18:27

Our school provides a system of locking Faraday pouches and all pupils must hand their phones in on registration, and then collect them when they go home. It cuts down on bullying, porn and disruption to teaching.

If my ds was caught with his phone, it would be hard to see an excuse, so I'd probably support the school.

WombatChocolate · 12/09/2023 18:28

Consider if you really want to be the parent who in unsupportive of school policies and works against the school procedures on this.

It will be really annoying for him not to have his phone. That’s the point. Will it genuinely be a dangerous thing? No, not really. Therefore, accept what has happened and let him learn something from it. And also realise that there will be a number of times when policies seem really harsh…..consider if you are going to keep intervening.

CurlewKate · 12/09/2023 18:41

Presumably the discipline policy has told you this might happen? It won't have been completely out of the blue.

Myfabby · 12/09/2023 19:34

Fruitflylady · 12/09/2023 17:54

Update for those who are interested;
according to DS, he had forgotten to put his phone on silent and he received a junk call in the middle of his German class. Teacher was quite matter of fact about it, they have to enforce the new rules. DS is gutted; he really hates to break the rules.
I’ve written a polite email to his tutor to see if I can collect the phone myself before Friday (and copied the German teacher in, in case her story is different to his!) Let’s see what happens next…

It's a shame as he wasn't intentionally disruptive ( ie not that he was caught faffing about texting etc), but honestly its start of term, rules are rules, and how they handle this sets the tone.
@DumpedByText no superiority here at all. Maybe inferiority from you? I also wouldn't use that language and my son would certainly serve detention for that word which you tried to call me- if he used that language at his "private" school. We can have differing opinions without resorting to uncouth language.

Ponderingwindow · 12/09/2023 20:42

Before cell phones there were public pay phones regularly accessible. Now those are gone and carrying a phone is a necessity.

Our school takes a completely different approach to phones. Students may use them freely outside of class time. I was surprised by the policy, but the administration says that the students know how to use the phones responsibly. The problem behaviors arise when the school treats the students like they don’t. Treating them like rational people apparently dramatically cut down on misbehavior like phones in class.

Iwasafool · 12/09/2023 20:50

Gjendefloooo · 12/09/2023 15:47

Before the year 2000 or thereabouts, people went to school, got on buses and trains, walked with friends or on their own and got to school perfectly well. I understand that I’d bus passes etc are on phones, it’s inconvenient, but to inconvenience someone is part of the sanction. Can physical passes not be used for a short time

There were phone boxes on just about every corner and we all had 10 pence pieces for emergencies so we could phone home.
That meant if buses were cancelled (which happened quite a lot where I lived coming home from school in the 90s), you just went to the phone box and rang home. Or if something else happened you just found a phone box and called.
Can't remember the last time I saw a phone box. Times have changed.

Would all these people saying it's perfectly ok for teenagers to not have a phone on them going to and from school be happy about leaving the house themselves without a phone for emergencies?
I'm not even much of a phone user but I carry it with me in case it is needed.

I feel perfectly happy going out without a phone.

When I was at school if I'd phoned home to say the bus was cancelled my mother would have wondered what I expected her to do about it. I'd have walked or caught another bus.

BCBird · 12/09/2023 21:04

What does the school.rule say? If this is the rule then I don't see what argument u hsve. It is inconvenient I know. If he has broken the rule then he shouldn't do it again.

noctiscaelum · 12/09/2023 21:09

If that happen to my ds, I would just accept it, and won't make a fuss. Mistake or not, he broke the rule. That have to have consequences. Parents arguing about scholl rules have negative impact on discipline at school. It's just until Friday. Not a big deal.

wasahoarder · 12/09/2023 21:33

larlypops · 12/09/2023 14:06

Nope I’d be down there, yes he broke the rules and should have it confiscated for the remainder of the day but the week. Nope

Ok but what are you actually going to do once you get down there?
Harass the poor receptionist who had nothing to do with taking the phone?
Demand the phone back? Then when they say no? What exactly are you going to do apart from cause a scene and (most likely) embarrass your child?

Myfabby · 12/09/2023 21:58

wasahoarder · 12/09/2023 21:33

Ok but what are you actually going to do once you get down there?
Harass the poor receptionist who had nothing to do with taking the phone?
Demand the phone back? Then when they say no? What exactly are you going to do apart from cause a scene and (most likely) embarrass your child?

Show quote history

prob demand to talk to the head as another poster said earlier. honestly I despair. This is why we have such entitled, poorly behaved children who can't respect rules/authority and ill mannered adults who default to swearing like sailors in a perfectly civil conversation.

Bottlerecycle · 13/09/2023 05:48

prob demand to talk to the head as another poster said earlier. honestly I despair. This is why we have such entitled, poorly behaved children who can't respect rules/authority and ill mannered adults who default to swearing like sailors in a perfectly civil conversation.

oh the beautiful irony of starting this comment with “demand to talk to the head”

😂

TeenDivided · 13/09/2023 07:27

Almost every adult on the way home will be carrying a mobile, as will most of the kids travelling home.
If a child needs to contact their parent then they need to very politely stop a suitable looking person, eg a mum with kids, and ask them very politely to phone or text (using the number they have sensibly written in their planner). The first person might not agree, but someone will.

Bottlerecycle · 13/09/2023 08:09

TeenDivided · 13/09/2023 07:27

Almost every adult on the way home will be carrying a mobile, as will most of the kids travelling home.
If a child needs to contact their parent then they need to very politely stop a suitable looking person, eg a mum with kids, and ask them very politely to phone or text (using the number they have sensibly written in their planner). The first person might not agree, but someone will.

Or just turn to a friend who will definitely have a phone!

Ascendant15 · 13/09/2023 08:15

It's utterly fabuolous to see the hordes of parents resolutely supporting schools disciplinary policies.

And then people wonder why behaviour in schools is so crap.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 13/09/2023 08:32

I would support the school in taking it from him in the morning and returning it before he leaves for the day. But only because it’s a safety issue and not ok. I would just go in with him in the morning and sort it out. If the school won’t cooperate I would just ask for support in dealing with the issue, because if they don’t give it back you will just give him another phone to use due to safety.

Sarfar45 · 13/09/2023 08:49

By year 9 surely he can get home without being tracked !
If it's the school rules and broke them then I think you should back the school.

Sarfar45 · 13/09/2023 08:51

Seriously people wonder why schools have issues with behaviour 🤔 when they try and put in rules and boundaries, parents just undermine them.

TwigTheWonderKid · 13/09/2023 09:06

Our school has a no phones in school policy (largely introduced to stop students from taking videos of fellow students and staff and sharing them on SM) and exactly the same sanction for it.

Despite the fact your son made a mistake rather than deliberately using his phone, he will be well aware of the rules and I think you have to support the school on this, especially as it's probably that it's part of the school behaviour policy that both you and your son would have been asked to agree to when he started at the school.

CrestonGate · 13/09/2023 09:08

My son's school policy was 48 hours, if confiscated on a Thursday/Friday they could pick it up Monday after school. If on the last week of term, the first Monday of the school holidays. Those rules are clearly stated. If broken then the phone is taken.

@Fruitflylady in the phones settings you can put times in where the phone goes into a do not disturb, we just set our children's phones up to do this during school hours. It meant they didn't need to remember to turn them onto silent rather than off as if they forget to turn them back on we couldn't see where they were on the map.

Myfabby · 13/09/2023 09:42

Bottlerecycle · 13/09/2023 05:48

prob demand to talk to the head as another poster said earlier. honestly I despair. This is why we have such entitled, poorly behaved children who can't respect rules/authority and ill mannered adults who default to swearing like sailors in a perfectly civil conversation.

oh the beautiful irony of starting this comment with “demand to talk to the head”

😂

it was sarcasm. read my pp.

Iwasafool · 13/09/2023 10:04

I don't understand all the magic safety a mobile phone gives a child who is going home from school in broad daylight.

Iwasafool · 13/09/2023 10:05

CrestonGate · 13/09/2023 09:08

My son's school policy was 48 hours, if confiscated on a Thursday/Friday they could pick it up Monday after school. If on the last week of term, the first Monday of the school holidays. Those rules are clearly stated. If broken then the phone is taken.

@Fruitflylady in the phones settings you can put times in where the phone goes into a do not disturb, we just set our children's phones up to do this during school hours. It meant they didn't need to remember to turn them onto silent rather than off as if they forget to turn them back on we couldn't see where they were on the map.

That's a useful tip.

Original poster
Fruitflylady · 13/09/2023 10:19

@Iwasafool thanks for this, I’ll do that as soon as we get the phone back!

OP posts:
thing47 · 13/09/2023 11:59

Just to add another element to this interesting discussion, one of my DCs uses bluetooth technology to link their phone to their insulin pump – the phone alerts if blood sugars are too high or too low. Clearly this necessitates having the phone with them and turned on at all times. This is now considered the optimum monitoring process for T1 diabetics and more and more young people with the condition are going to switching to this approach.

Obviously a school can have exceptions which allow DCs with medical conditions access to their phones, but I think the days of a blanket ban will increasingly be difficult to enforce.