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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

When did leaving primary school become such a big thing?

141 replies

usernother · 22/07/2023 06:49

I left my primary school in the early 1970's. We had no leavers disco, no special assembly, no graduation ceremonies, no transition days to new high school, nothing. I can't remember my Mum mentioning anything about it. Other than getting my uniform and things that were needed for high school, that's all the input my parents had. Now I can see my SM awash with parents saying how emotional they are about their children leaving primary, one said she cried all the way to the leavers assembly and all the way through it. When did it change to being such a big thing?

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 22/07/2023 08:41

We had a leavers concert in 1992 when I left primary. Last night my dd left brownies and I felt emotional but I'm an owl as well and four of them left so prob why

Medusaismyhero · 22/07/2023 08:48

I was horrified collecting my DS on the last day of term - crying kids, teachers and parents everywhere. Confetti cannons, music, the head teacher on a bloody unicycle. Whilst a leavers assembly and a hoody are a lovely acknowledgement, I don't get the need for all this OTT nonsense. Any wonder we're raising successive generations of snowflakes.

AutisticLegoLover · 22/07/2023 08:49

Never mind primary, my friend's daughter just graduated from nursery complete with cap and gown! Crazy. Even my friends thought it was ridiculous.

Our year 6 have a leavers disco and assembly which is perfectly normal and a guard of honour where the whole school clap which is weird. It's not an achievement worthy of great celebration by everyone just to reach the end of year 6. It's not optional is it. It doesn't take great dedication and lots of hard work. Just just naturally leave school at the end of primary school. Some kids will have struggled to get to that point but like I said, it's not optional to leave, you just do.

It's all become a ridiculous contant praise-fest for every little transition in life. Like getting a medal for taking part in sports day and kids wanting rewards for every little thing they do. Madness.

Cheerfulcharlie · 22/07/2023 08:58

I agree the drama and sheer number of events, and ‘things’ / gifts etc can be over the top and makes transition more difficult. In the last couple of weeks before the end of school this year they had about 8 events including days out, parties and everyone was shattered and most just wanted it to be over with. I think the children would have enjoyed it more if there were just a few things. Maybe limiting it to one party, one day out, and one leaver’s assembly would have been more enjoyable. (Apart from the few hundred quid spent!)

sorrynotathome · 22/07/2023 09:01

MintJulia · 22/07/2023 07:57

I know. I left primary in 1974 and don't even remember the last day. I was probably just happy to have seven weeks of freedom.

It wouldn't have occurred to us to make a fuss. When ds left in 2019, they had a leavers sweatshirt with all the names on, but that was all. Some of us went to the park for an hour but mostly just relief term was over. DS wanted to go home, kick off his uniform and go cycling.

I wasn't emotional, just glad it was summer and seven weeks without school run.

But some people seem to like the fuss.

If you left primary in 1974 that makes you around 60. How do you have a child that left primary 4 years ago?

AsterixAndPersimmon · 22/07/2023 09:04

I think having an assembly is nice. I know my dcs enjoyed that. Some of the children were actually quite emotional about it too.

Thank god for visiting the school. Some children will take it like duck to water but others are quite anxious about it. So a visit is doing a lot of good. (And yes that was one of my dcs - autism didn’t help)

But parents crying at the thought of their dcs leaving primary leaves me more Confused. It’s like when parents cry when their dc starts nursery or primary etc… Yes they are growing up but surely that’s a good thing??
And yes for me, it’s the parents who are making a huge thing out of leaving primary.

Having said that, I remember my last day at primary very clearly (it felt like I was turning a page). I also remember my first day in secondary (big and scary and at the same time feeling grown up and keen). No assembly etc… for me but I think it is and WAS a big thing for children. (I’m over 50yo too)

AsterixAndPersimmon · 22/07/2023 09:06

Re the crying from everyone
I see that as collective hysteria. One person starts crying and it becomes contagious.

Original poster
usernother · 22/07/2023 09:13

I agree it must be nice for children to mark the end of their time at a school. But proms, hoodies, etc must be a stretch for some parents who don't have much money.

OP posts:
BooksAndHooks · 22/07/2023 09:16

We used to have middle school’s so you left primary at end of year 3. There were definitely leavers discos, shirt signings etc at end of middle school.

blacknredsweeties · 22/07/2023 09:17

AsterixAndPersimmon · 22/07/2023 09:06

Re the crying from everyone
I see that as collective hysteria. One person starts crying and it becomes contagious.

I am very emotional and also autistic. I was dreading crying. I didn't cry. I couldn't wait to get home. Dd cried through the whole assembly. Lots of dads cried. My dh wasn't there but he isn't emotional. Never seen him
upset in 18 years.

SavvyMaria · 22/07/2023 09:17

Medusaismyhero · 22/07/2023 08:48

I was horrified collecting my DS on the last day of term - crying kids, teachers and parents everywhere. Confetti cannons, music, the head teacher on a bloody unicycle. Whilst a leavers assembly and a hoody are a lovely acknowledgement, I don't get the need for all this OTT nonsense. Any wonder we're raising successive generations of snowflakes.

The headteacher on a unicycle! Made me giggle! WTF?!

Holibobbbs · 22/07/2023 09:19

WhatNoRaisins · 22/07/2023 06:53

I think a lot of the current generation of parents have very difficult experiences of secondary school themselves. Mine aren't even at that stage and I'm already dreading them having to leave primary. I think a lot of us are traumatized.

I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head here! I hadn’t thought about that before but you’re right.

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/07/2023 09:25

Foxesandsquirrels · 22/07/2023 06:53

Your experience is highly unusual. Leavers assemblies have always been a thing in primary and they're quite emotional! No shame in saying that. The prom etc that some primaries are now doing takes it over the top imo but a leavers assembly and a hoodie is lovely.

It wasn't such a big deal when I left primary school in the 60s or when my daughter left in the early 90s. She did the shirt signing etc and there was a leavers' assembly and a barbecue but that's all.

FWIW I have four grandchildren and they have all preferred Secondary school to Primary.

Changinglegs · 22/07/2023 09:26

We had first, middle and high schools. There wasn’t a great deal, I think an assembly (80s). We were almost all going to the same high school. Tee did visit the high school and get shown around.

User9753224 · 22/07/2023 09:29

Missingmyusername · 22/07/2023 06:55

I didn’t have anything either OP. We only signed shirts when we left secondary school! No prom, disco (thank God).

Same here!

Lindy2 · 22/07/2023 09:37

I can't remember anything about leaving Primary School. It would have been in the early 90s.

Leaving Secondary School was equally flat. Literally the last day was normal lessons. I remember bunking the last lesson to speed time with my friends. We were leaving in 1 hour so there wasn't much risk of punishment.

There was no leavers party or prom. I actually feel a bit sad that the occasion was never marked by either school.

When my children left Primary School I really enjoyed their leavers assemblies, production and seeing them enjoy tbeir leavers party.

I think some proms go a bit OTT but on the whole it's a nice thing to do.

WimbyAce · 22/07/2023 09:38

I can't remember having anything until we finished A levels and we had an evening party. Don't think there was anything even for GCSEs. When I finished Y9 there was a special assembly but that was only because the school was actually closing forever so was a special case.

Tiredalwaystired · 22/07/2023 09:39

sorrynotathome · 22/07/2023 09:01

If you left primary in 1974 that makes you around 60. How do you have a child that left primary 4 years ago?

Show quote history

Step child? Adopted?

MsRead · 22/07/2023 09:40

Late 1980’s and we had open evenings for the secondary schools, a taster morning an assembly and a residential trip either to France or Derbyshire in the last half term of y6. There may have been a disco?

We also had a staggered start at our secondary, we started the day before, I think. But it was fairly low key, just an accepted part of growing up.

I do feel strongly that parental attitudes sometimes unnecessarily create anxiety in youngsters. I notice that the kids coming through to start secondary need far more emotional support, one parent actually asked me for a daily phone call for the first half term ( No diagnosed SEN)! Even before the lockdowns we were spending an inordinate amount of time fielding anxious Y6 parental requests/ queries and demands. Despite the various open evenings/ visits/ settling in meetings and separate meetings for students who have SEN. Plus we have excellent data/handover from the primaries which is acted upon.

The best thing parents can do for their children is keep their anxieties to themselves, reassure their kids that ‘bogwashing’ or other revolting/ invented folklore punishments do not happen. Acknowledge the feeling of nerves, but breezily support this new more independent phase of their lives and education.

SusanVance · 22/07/2023 09:41

We had my daughter's leaving assembly yesterday. It was lovely and clearly a lot of thought had gone into it, but my god, the emotion and the smaltz. Both their teacher and the Head were choking up when they were talking about them (they've taught us as much as we've taught them etc) and struggled to get their words out, which I think was inappropriate and unprofessional.

LunaMay · 22/07/2023 09:44

30 years ago for me, we definitely had transition days, a graduation ceremony/disco and i think maybe a special assembly during school hours as well.
I dont recall doing gifts for the teachers back then but my youngest sister always has.

WimbyAce · 22/07/2023 09:44

SusanVance · 22/07/2023 09:41

We had my daughter's leaving assembly yesterday. It was lovely and clearly a lot of thought had gone into it, but my god, the emotion and the smaltz. Both their teacher and the Head were choking up when they were talking about them (they've taught us as much as we've taught them etc) and struggled to get their words out, which I think was inappropriate and unprofessional.

Lol this is hilarious! We have middle schools here so our primary ends at Y4 and they have a leavers assembly and I believe it is similar, emotional songs etc. Apparently all the kids were crying. The head also wrote a super long message, while it was nice I think it was a bit much.

YukoandHiro · 22/07/2023 09:45

We had a leaver's assembly with a song I still remember and still makes me cry! I sang it as a lullaby to my babies. This was in the 80s.

We also had a leaving disco - but it was a small primary so all the juniors (year 3+) came.

Willmafrockfit · 22/07/2023 09:45

a prom for dd, born in 1997
i was aghast - i complained
ds, born in 1994 had no such thing

YukoandHiro · 22/07/2023 09:45

Didn't do shirt signing til secondary tho