Y7- 2023/24 support thread

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Hi, just dropping in a thread for those of us who have kids starting secondary this coming September. There was a lovely thread going last year and they are carrying it on into Year 8, so here is a place for us the year behind.

How is everyone feeling as they finish Primary and prepare for Secondary?

Dd is moving from a single form entry "family feel" type cosy Primary into a large 8 form entry, multiple building secondary. She's going alone, her primary class are really split up across multiple secondaries.

The transition days helped, and she is excited,but has been really sad this weke saying her goodbyes

Is everyone prepped for uniform etc?

My DD went up alone but then I’m hearing of some year 7s being dropped by primary friends which must sting. Basically it’s tough no matter what I think. My DD is just so, so tired (despite sleeping enough hours).

@Busornobus67 I hope she finds other friends soon. 🌸

@Itslosenotloose yes sadly I think you are right. Sounds like the cliques are starting to form at DDs school and the mean girls are starting to show themselves. DD's strategy so far is to avoid and just focus on her little group of 4. Hopefully the mean girls will soon be so busy with their own dramas that they will ignore everyone else but that's probably a vain hope!

Hey everyone,

This thread is a lifeline for me.

I don't feel alone or that my child is the only one going though things which is stupidly how I can get at times.

No one really asks me at work and either way if they did id lie and say it's going well. I work full time and am a single parent no really any friends so good to share for me.

I hate the whole threes a crowd thing / kids leaving a child behind🤬

My ds has been added to a few what's app class groups by other kids. Luckily, he doesn't join in / hasn't written anything within the chat following my orders but the way they talk to each other is crazy and the subject matter.

Well, had another fantastic day as he seems to do everyday. He stayed after school for basketball club again and loved it 😃

Told me about a friend from last weeks club who was in his gym set as they have already grouped them on ability and said he hung round with him.

Did not want to question loads on lunch breaks but he seemed to hang out with some then he says he gets bored and just wants to sit on his own - hard to know. I will give It time.

Well upstairs again as the home work is coming in thick and fast 😢 guess what? This whole bribery with snacks, me helping and robalox isn't working tonight… how can these kids have it every day and over weekend!!!

Wow, I am so so pleased I found this thread. My DS is not enjoying it at all. He is a fairly negative and sensitive boy and hates shouty teachers, which he has a few. He is struggling and we have had tears this morning, not wanting to go. I think it is a mix of tiredness too. A massive adjustment. I just hope it gets better.

My dgs locked himself in the bathroom yesterday morning, and cried so much he couldn't speak. A lot of it was to do with the fact that he couldn't get his maths homework to download. (When did it all become so technical? I know it probably makes life easier, but there seem to be so many teething problems!) My ddil managed to get him out in time to get him to school, then came home and rang the yr 7 pastoral lead.
She took him out of class and had a chat to him. He seemed better after school, but normally he rings me in the evening, and he didn't last night. I just got a sad little text this morning, apologising for not ringing me because of homework.
I just want to wrap him up in cotton wool and homeschool him!! My son struggled with bullying, and hated secondary school, but he's trying to be really positive about it with my dgs. It just seems to have got so much more complicated, and there are so many reasons why things can go wrong. (I'm only 57; it's not like I'm ancient).
I'm sending good wishes to all your children who are struggling; I wish there were more alternatives for them.

@lovepets

gosh how sad for him 😢. I really, really hope he feels better soon. My DD is close to tears every single day. She can’t really pin point why but she is just really struggling with the demands. I have a very academic son in year 9 and one of the teachers said to her yesterday “I wonder if you’re going to be as clever as your brother”. I would never compare them like that. (She definitely isn’t as academic as him but has other qualities but it played on her mind) It’s all just a lot for them and I work in a secondary school. I’m 35 and they’ve changed so much even since “my day”.

I can't believe teachers still make comparisons!! I've got three children, eldest (dgs dad), quiet in school, bit geeky, elder daughter, loud, confident, very intelligent, younger daughter, quiet. All three had comparisons made with their siblings, and it was really hurtful and damaging.
I really would have thought that with all the social and psychological input the teachers must have nowadays, that they would be taught not to compare! I'm so sorry your daughter is experiencing this.

Oh @lovepets and @Itslosenotloose I'm so sorry both yours are getting those pressures in different ways! It's such a brutal step up for them - I really wish we had a middle school system here.

It has been pretty plain sailing so far for us and the secondary seems to be really nurturing and putting huge efforts into the transition and being understanding about stuff. We haven't had any real hiccups except for pointing out to DS when he needs to READ THE WHOLE HOMEWORK QUESTION but even so he is so so tired and is clearly finding it quite stressful. Most of the time he's very blasé, says it's all going well, etc but he's on a hair trigger temper and is overreacting to very minor things.

How are everyone's DC doing this week?
@Itslosenotloose @lovepets I hope today has been slightly easier/better

Going pretty smoothly here on most fronts - happy with friendships, teachers clubs, interesting stuff to learn. But soooo tired, even though homework hasn’t really started yet in earnest. It’s a much longer day than before. I am sure they get used to it eventually.

@twistyizzy

She was nervous this morning and couldn’t eat breakfast however today was a better day for her. She told me she confided in a teacher at school she was feeling lonely 😢. The teacher gave her some strategies and there’s a hub at lunchtime you can go too if you feel lonely. I think just telling a teacher and having a chat made her feel better. I’m so proud of the way she opens up to me and to staff.

She is very tired overall but she has made a friend (and got her phone number) which seems to have cheered her up no end. Yesterday I put her to bed at 8pm (and she was snoring by 8:07pm). It’s a 9 bedtime tonight but I’ve told her it will be the odd earlier bed time if I feel like she needs it. She’s currently downstairs cuddling her fave teddy bear which I know sounds really babyish but paradoxically she can also be very mature for her age. She said there’s a girl in her year who lives in a children’s home and she would love to be her friend and that she knows she has a lot in her own life to be thankful for.

She then said, anyway mum how was YOUR day?

how is your DC? Hope they had a better day?

@Itslosenotloose she sounds like a lovely, caring child and I'm pleased she's had a better day. I don't think there's any harm in them regressing at home a bit, I'm encouraging DD to snuggle up with her soft toys at the end of the day, they need the comfort after spending the day putting on a show of maturity.

My dgs had a much better day, but was doing homework till 10pm last night, and has texted me and says he has homework tonight.
He's coming to stay on the weekend, so I'm hoping to get a bit more insight into how he's feeling.
Fortunately, he has a friend in another class who he's known all his life, and they meet up break and lunchtimes, and travel to and from school together, so that's a massive relief, as he hasn't always found friendships easy.
Hope everyone's dcs are slowly getting used to it; it really is such a life-changing transition for some children

@lovepets homework until 10pm? That's crazy at this age! DDs school are giving around 2 x 20-30 mind per night and that's hard enough. I think DD would have a meltdown at doing homework until 10pm

We're just getting weekly maths, eng and lang. Should have science too but not seen any yet.
Maths longest maybe 30mins.
Lang is just some spellings.
I think she did midys today. She said spelling and comprehension on computer. Which she finish first.. Doesnt really sound like IT lesson though. And they had school photos and told them they wont have another for 3yrs!
Pe tomorrow hope it doesnt tip it down

@twistyizzy
My dgs is paranoid about getting his homework done the night he gets it. He's quite slow and methodical, so it all takes time. I feel so sorry for them all; I don't remember there being this such stress when I went to high school, though I know it was a long while ago

@Itslosenotloose what a lovely caring girl your DD sounds!

Well, dd appears to have developed a phobia to the scholars bus. Which is a pita as it collects and drops on our street and its basically the only public transport option for that school. On the way there is just that its really packed (single decker but used to be a double decker). Way home - utter wildness. Seriously ridiculous behaviour. She's so overwhelmed by it.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I've heard the same from friends whose DC go to the local comp. Sadly school say because it happens outside of school they can't sanction any behaviour 🙄

Are yr 7 meant to know cube numbers on the same way they might know squared numbers? DD2 had her first maths homework and it was things like tick the squared/cubed numbers from this list or what is the square/cube route of a number.

I wasn't sure if they were expected to know this at the start so I showed dd how to work it out on the calculator. After a few she felt she was cheating so she started with a bit of manual calculations and trial and error as to which numbers it could be.

I can't remember ever just knowing cube numbers so assume I would have just used the calculator when I was at school.

Sorry other people’s DC have been having rubbish weeks too. Here we have all been down with colds - just a back to school autumn thing - DS1 and I have mostly coped (though you don’t want to see my housework backlog and there has been lots of freezer food) but DS2 was pretty shattered before the cold and is now on his knees. A weekend spent mostly on the sofa watching films/napping may need to happen (despite the homework). Plus his old bully from primary is causing issues again (thought he was safely in another class but not for pe apparently). Still resisting joining clubs and/or making friends with anyone new but I had a meeting with his form tutor where I explained that him seeming totally fine was mostly a front and he said he’d keep an eye out so 🤞.

@Walkingbkwrm last weekend spent snuggling on sofa and binge watching films did DD a lot of good. They need to switch their brains off and just chill I think.

DS has been away for 2 nights on PGL so looking forward to seeing him (and the washing mountain!)
He starts rowing club tomorrow which is exciting! He’s also applied to join the Business Society and he and his friend are going to be business partners❤️
His homework this weekend is French and Maths only so should be ok.
We haven’t started public transport yet (it would be train) so that’s the next challenge.
Happy weekend all

I totally get it - hard enough managing 1200 teens behaviour in a building 9-4, to then have to manage what happens on the buses too. And the drivers aren't responsible for anything other than safely driving the route home.

I think she just needs time to toughen up to it. I'm not beyond thinking she could end up being one of those Year 9s powehousing around the bus telling the little ones where they can't sit - though of course I'd hope she doesn't!. So I'm trying to just reassure her that she'll get used to it.

Very tired DS this morning but was happy to go with a fan day of art, computers etc

Still walking around chatting to people no group mostly on own but I'm sure he will get there as he settles. Ds said mum I love it but it's hard ☹️

Yes, moved up with some from his primary school but not a great group of characters so glad he hasn't gone with them at break and lunch.

This weekend he will go again to his new basketball club and then thats it bar one piece of home work.

He's smarted seeing some friends from mixed lessons and says he says hi and from basketball hopefully at some point, he will get asked to hang around at lunch.

Il give it time x