Of course lots of children won’t get in to superselectives, even with tutoring. Some of these schools have more than 10 applications per place.
I know children in Kent and Bucks which have some selective but not super selective schools, who were heavily tutored and who didn’t get in - so bit in the top 25-30%. In these areas, some will make it without any preparation, because a higher percentage pass and raw ability will get some in.
Switched-on parents counts for a huge amount. Switched-onnparents who understand the system and timescales and who plan ahead make a big difference. Those that buy the books and resources and research on-line and work with their kids, are often far more motivated than paid tutors will be. If you look at the ElevenPlusForum you’ll find lots of parents devoting hours to prepping who never pay a tutor. A switched on parent is also more likely to be able to find a well-regarded tutor and book them before they are booked-up. This isn’t comparable to using a group tutoring centre.
When other parents who didn’t opt into taking the exam tell you that their kid would have passed, just smile and nod and say ‘I expect you’re right’. It doesn’t matter does it….your child has got the grammar place and their child didn’t sit the exam and isn’t going. It’s like everything….people don’t like the thought that their child might not be getting something others have. Where effort is required, they don’t like the thought that either their parental effort or child’s effort has stopped them getting something.
Selective schools and children having placed to them always creates some kind of tension between parents. No-one likes the thought their kid is going to a lesser school. That’s not to say the alternatives are lesser, but people often have a perception that is the case. Everyone ends up defending their choices, whether it was to apply for selective education or not. It’s honestly not worth engaging with as it often causes bad feeling.
My advice, if your child is going to a selective school which is either state or independent, is to say nothing about it. If asked, say as little as possible. Commenting on the fact your DC worked really hard doesn’t help (other people perceive this is a comment saying their DC didn’t work hard) or saying you e chosen the school because it suits DC best doesn’t help (as people take that as a comment meaning an inferior school is for their inferior child) Say as little as possible. Always be positive about the other children and the schools they are going to. Never run down or be negative about any other schools.
And yes, most kids who get selective places have worked hard. But remmeber too, that lots work hard and don’t get places…so it isn’t simply a case of ‘deserving’ them due to hard work. Children who get the places are generally fortunate. They probably have worked hard, but they have also usually had. Itivated and switched-on parents who put them in for the exams and supported them, and naturally had the ability to make it possible. Many children are lacking some or all of those things which help a lot. It is an achievement to get a place. However, again, that sense of achievement which some parents or kids have, is best kept unmentioned amongst all but close friends or family. Again, people feel criticised or uncomfortable about the achievements of others and especially of the kids of others, when they or their kids haven’t had similar achievements. On one level, it’s all a bit annoying, but having some empathy and nodding and smiling, whilst just carrying on if often best. Justifying outcomes or choices is just not worth it.