Feedback on SPGS

[TwoSpoonsofSugar]

Would love to hear feedback from those with a child currently there. My daughter was offered an 11+ place to start in Y7. We were late entrants in that we had not been considering it but she wanted to have a go and we ended up applying just before the deadline closed. It meant we were too late to get a place on any Open Days so I haven't actually been around the school, met the Head or staff etc.

DD is naturally very academic and self motivated to learn. We didn't tutor for SPGS. By that, I mean not even at home. We are fortunate that the 11+ has been a fairly relaxed process for us. Now I'm torn. She already has an offer from a good private school within easy walking distance. SPGS would be 40 mins on the tube but she says she doesn't mind that. I commute myself for work and worry she'll regret come to regret the commute. Right now, she's able to walk home in less than 30 minutes.

DD would like to go to SPGS. I have asked her why. She says she loves going to school - she does and always has - and she knows it's a great school where she can be surrounded by girls who can keep up. At her current school it is true she isn't stretched. It is supposedly academic but she's been coasting but we've been okay with that so far.

I am worried about the school commute. I am worried that she won't have local friends as girls from SPGS come from all over the place. Equally, I don't want DD to think I've held her back from going to a school she'd prefer. I have stressed that she'd have a commute. That it's unlikely she'd have peers living round the corner to hang out with during school holidays. She says that's fine. SPGS is also more expensive but we could afford it but it means not moving to a bigger house or fancy holidays. I ask myself if the extra cost and sacrifices is worth it? If a girl is bright, wouldn't they do well anywhere? Or is the value of SPGS in its quality of teaching? My own background is that I went to a terrible state school where very little learning was done as class time was too disruptive. SPGS is a whole new world to me and I worry that DD will feel like the poor kid in comparison. We tend to go camping in the UK for our holidays and drive an old car. We live in a smallish house but it means we can budget for SPGS. I don't want DD to go there and suddenly feel she's the poor one. I get that it's all relative and perhaps it's me projecting but it would be nice to know if there are lots of families on modest incomes there too.

We don't anyone else with girls there so it's hard to get real feedback. I have read mixed reviews about girls who thrive. Girls who leave due to the academic pressures.

DD is lovely, kind girl who is naturally academic and enjoys learning. She seems to cope well under pressure. Will there be lots of low key girls like her? Or are they all super confident, competitive alpha types?

Sorry for rambling. In a wobble as you can tell! I don't want to hold her back because of my own insecurities. Like all parents, I want her to be happy and in the right school for her. I'm asking for feedback in the hope it will help guide me in making this decision. All feedback, positive and negative, welcome.

Thank you so much in advance and feel free to PM me! 🙏

Really good points. So is the range of 25-33% because of various definitions of ED? Does the school have more severe cases of ED maybe? I can't find the post, but didn't another thread talk about the school weighing the food several months ago?

Yes, there are a few more severe cases. But from what I have seen (and I can only speak of the cohort I know of) they are not caused by the school, academic pressure or the school friends. Often the girls arrive with issues after the simmer holidays for example or there are family or personal life complications. Our cohort also spent Y10 and Y11 mostly on lockdown at home...

Thanks for clarifying, that makes sense. The school doesn't necessarily cause a third of the students to develop EDs, but rather students who go there have a greater propensity to develop EDs because of their personal lives. Good point. ta

@hampsteadmum your experience of the school accommodating your DD’s wishes to move to the bottom Maths set is not indicative of lack of pressure from school. At the end of the day these schools all want and expect girls to achieve top grades and sometimes being in a bottom set might help to achieve this.

I don't know that this is right. There will always be girls who do not achieve top marks in public examinations.

Achieving top grades is not what drives the school. Probably because they already have chosen an academic cohort (although girls change of course). If anything they are trying to manage expectations and discourage girls from putting too much pressure on themselves-e.g. applying to Oxbridge etc, encourage gap years etc.

In our 7 years at the school I never felt any pressure being placed by the school for any subject. Pressure usually comes from the family or within.
Covid brought its challenges around the assessment process for GCSEs and the SPGS teachers were tough markers but I think that period was seemingly insane for most schools. I personally only saw support. I mentioned a few months ago that they even delivered rowing machines to students' houses during covid. Ran cooking and exercise classes by Zoom and tried to keep the girls happy and supported.

If you need support on something (AND ASK) you receive it. The teachers (or at least the teachers I got to know) will bend over backwards to help girls. Not just academically but on MH issues too.

Problems seem to arise when one lets issues fester and does not ask for help I think. We have been lucky to have fabulous Heads of Year too.

Again, that's our experience. I am sure it's not a universal one and other will have had a worse time and realise as their daughters grow up that it is not the best fit.

Agree with every word of that post, @hampsteadmum. We are five years in and the only pressure DD has felt has come from her own desire to be doing her best, and the school has been at pains to reduce the pressure wherever they can. I back up that message very strongly at home. I sent her to St Paul's mainly because I thought she'd really like it not because I wanted her to get a string of 9s or A stars or whatever. She will probably get some and I'm sure she will be pleased when she does.

Re definitions of EDs, I had friends as a teenager who would for instance only eat fruit for lunch or who were obsessed with various other weird/restrictive diets. It's not ideal, but teenage girls (and boys, I guess, no experience) can be idiots at times. Not a single one of my friends went on to have an actual eating disorder. Some of them seem to be repeatedly dieting in one way or another but that is definitely not an issue confined to highly selective girls' schools and their alumnae! Most grew out of the weird diets fairly fast.

I'm honestly horrified at the idea that anyone would fail to raise a difficult subject with any school for fear of getting a 'black mark' and feel sorry for anyone whose experience with schools and education has been such that they think that is a real possibility or something to worry about.

Re weighing food, I found the post but I am hesitant to link to it because it was a pretty heated discussion and there were a number of ridiculous statements being peddled, not just the food weighing. But the upshot was that a specific child was having her food weighed because she was getting too thin and the parents were working with the school to manage this.

Is it just me or does it seem that SPGS gets more comments on this forum than any other girls school? If it is true, then I don't know why that's the case.

It appears to attract both people with DDs there as well as people that don't have DDs at the school.

Probably more comments than any other boys or coed schools too. I wonder why....🤔

Is it the school? Is it the parents with DDs there? Is it the parents without DDs there? Appears to be a lightening rod.

Nice detour. Fact is, ED issues at SPGS. Would be as simple as fully blaming the school though, as others have said, not the whole story.

Yes, agree 👍

As well as other girls’ schools. In the interest of sharing, what is the situation in your dd’s school? It would be helpful to compare.

There is no smoke without fire?

Corona is just producing so much hot air while failing to give any sensible or credible explanation or evidence for what she asserts. I am sure anyone reading the thread is capable of working out who is commenting from experience and knowledge and who is not (and I include negative comments like laurasparrows' daughter's experience).

All the derailment is coming entirely from people without daughters at the school and often with zero direct experience of what it is actually like. Make of that what you will. I guess this too is something that prospective parents should be aware of - this type of unsubstantiated comment and unpleasantness will follow you and to your daughters around regardless of your personal behaviour and often regardless of your direct experience that stands in clear opposition to these people's assumptions and prejudices. It is unfortunate, it is largely undeserved and it is unbelievably boring. It is lucky that there are so many upsides to the whole thing that counterbalance this!

No direct knowledge of how widespread the ED issues are across different schools. Corona's claim should probably be discounted some how without evidence or proof.

We do hear in this thread some Mums direct experience on this school wrt ED, just seems a bit conflicting.

Reply to @bjmin s question:

Just look at some of the other threads related to the school with a lot of comments in MN

"Why on earth would anyone reject SPGS??"

"Naive people like me eventually work out that the negative comments are just the bitter taste of sour grapes."

"the holy grail of the private SPGS"

It does tell something about the attitude of some people (with or without DD) towards the school. I guess that is part of the reason why.

I'm confused, not sure I understand, but okay.

BTW, what happened to @laurasparrows ? Is she okay? Brought some old threads back to life and then vanished. I hope her DD is okay.

You asked "does it seem that SPGS gets more comments on this forum than any other girls school? If it is true, then I don't know why that's the case." "Appears to be a lightening rod."

I presume the statement from some people (with or without DD) I quoted above will probably attract more attentions in MN. It is rarely seen for other schools.

Experiences may differ Bonjour, and sorry you disagree but not everyone has the same and as someone said, where there is smoke.... it also depends what you education priorities are for your daughter. If it is academics Uber all, then the decision is easier.

Again with the lies, gossip and supposition. Still can't provide a source for all the stuff you are making up, huh?

To reiterate, all the nonsense comes from people with no experience of the school. Experiences differ but you have to actually have some experience to be able to talk about this kind of thing.

Why are you accusing me of lying Bonjour? What is your agenda? Because I have none. I just volunteered a data point. And I am not lying nor making things up.
Now go and ask the school what kind of stats they hold about prevalence of ED among the girls and whether they will show it to you. Then, you will be able to accuse people of something with basis (or not, as may be the case).

Now, to the chase, if you are going to put your daughter through a school where about 1 in 4 to 1 in 3 have or have had fiddle problems with food, or proper ED problems or whatever perimeter you define appropriate we should worry about with ED. You better have a very resilient daughter. Otherwise, you may as well head over to Godolphin or elsewhere. I will leave it there.

Bon nuit.

You're the one with the agenda. And you're the one who can't explain where or how you somehow acquired made up these extremely iffy stats.

I don't need to ask the school about the prevalence of eating disorders since I have the evidence of my own eyes and ears to show me that my daughter's friends are no weirder or more prone to eating disorders than my own were as teenagers. She surely can't have acquired thirty relatively normal friends and somehow magically managed to swerve all the ones with eating disorders? Why aren't ten or even five of her friendship group suffering with EDs? Because you are talking nonsense.

Why are you posting made up stats about a school you have no direct experience of? Where did you get your 'data point'? Why do you think it's appropriate to volunteer non-substantiated gossip on a thread specifically asking for personal experience? Why are you so invested in a school you have nothing to do with? You seem to have an axe to grind, as so many who insist on posting nonsense relating to the school do. Most of us can guess what lies behind it, and it's usually related to insecurity.

My daughter is fine. She definitely hasn't got an eating disorder.

Godolphin is no different from St Paul's in respect to having perfectionist girls who are hard on themselves, by the way. The maddest person I have ever met in my life (who has had an eating disorder for more than 40 years and is a workaholic perfectionist with some very serious issues indeed) went to Godolphin. But unlike you, I'm not extrapolating that to mean they're all like that because, you know, that would be unfair and nuts.

Bonne nuit.

I respect your point of view Bonjour. No problem with that, although you seem to be a little over invested. I am not that invested. There is a problem with ED at St Paul's and it has been acknowledged by other parents that have the same right to put forward an opinion as you do, although you seem to have ignored their comments in this thread.
But that's fine, and I am happy that I am offering a data point to balance a bit parents ignoring or minimising what other girls are going through just because they have a daughter that has no issues.

I guess you haven't bothered to read the whole thread.

And again, what kind of data point is this, how much do you actually know about it and where did you get your information from? Your reluctance to answer any of these perfectly reasonable questions speaks volumes.

All the actual parents at St Paul's who have posted here have been happy to explain their involvement with the school and the background to their opinions. You aren't.

I think we all know who is talking nonsense here and who is over-invested.