SW London Private and Grammar - applying for Year 7 in 2023 (Part VI)

[QuiteAJourney]

Following from our previous thread (link below)

www.mumsnet.com/talk/secondary/4731973-sw-london-private-and-grammar-applying-for-year-7-in-2023-part-v?page=40&reply=123775541

Looking forward to continuing the journey together!

There have been people on this thread asking when people were releasing, so not so much virtue signalling as providing information requested by and that can be useful to other people.
On rejecting now versus waiting until the end, if there is a chance, however small (and I notice your use of the word "generally"), that me releasing an offer that I am not planning to take early will help another family to have more certainty / avoid paying a deposit, I will do it. Not virtue signalling, just explaining given your, imho, rather judgmental comment.

I don’t think it virtue signaling. For some of us it’s useful.
Don’t think anyone should rush if they haven’t decided. But once you’ve decided then why not release those that aren’t of interest.

"I think some parents, particularly those who are not from an immigrant background, may pay for independent preps and/or one-on-one tutoring, but don't necessarily empower their children as independent learners or inculcate the value of hard work."

.... and now it's time to punish them by sitting on our ten offers until the last minute! 😂

Sorry, couldn't resist!

"providing information requested by and that can be useful to other people"

It's not useful information. The sample of posters here is far too low to provide any information as to waitlist development at any school. Phoning the relevant school itself might provide something useful. I notice that neither of the previous posts actually say the information is useful. Care to explain?

Totally understandable waiting until offers holders days are over and taking some time
to decide thereafter. Just a flippant response from me to a mean spirited comment.

I hope you are not teaching these values to your daughter and I hope I never have to interact with you in real life as a parent given your duplicitous behaviour.

Same :)

I think it's easy to assume things about families.... people are going through all kinds of stuff whilst making school applications. Different strokes for different folks! The intentions are all the same - wanting the best for their children.

@Cobaltnorthstar I said the information is useful to me

Some people are interested to know the reasons for turning down a school or why they chose one over the other. Others might feel more hopeful if they see people are releasing offers to a school they want and are WL at. You might not find it useful, but I am sure there are plenty of people that do. And if someone does not feel it's useful, don't read the post.

@Cobaltnorthstar to be honest the most declamatory statement so far has been from you, earlier, saying that non-immigrant parents don’t teach their children the value of hard work (or similar).

We find it helpful to know who is rejecting what as we are waiting on WL place. Small sample group sure but nonetheless, one can see a small trend and reasons for rejecting a particular school that might not have occurred. For example, the school we are waiting on, I previously assumed that most would reject, but from this thread I can see reasons why they might not take a place . Not materially useful perhaps but it does give hope and hope makes the waiting for bearable.
if people have narrowed down their choices why not release the ones they are definitely not choosing?

I meant most would accept not reject! Sorry.

I refer to the comments by @ChiefRoady, @SamPoodle123 and others stating that people find these information helpful - you may want to peruse the threads.
As for "care to explain?", I have done above.

More specifically, the sample size comment always makes me laugh ... especially as it is not the size that matters (pun intended) but the representativeness... of course, nobody claims that the sample in this thread is representative, but (alas!) not representative information is still useful. I seem to recall you, like others, sharing information about your offers - surely not statistically representative but a way to contribute to the picture that people were / are constructing. And no judgement on anyone as to why it was being done.

In summary, I continue to abide by my behaviours of sharing respectfully and not judging. (Probably even saying that is virtue signalling in your books - I honestly do not care... it is just a statement)

@Cobaltnorthstar being an immigrant is kind of besides the point in this context, don’t you think?

Btw, I respect that you’re instilling hard work in your child and want to take time to decide on your offers. Anyone, immigrant or not, can be doing these things.

Being on the WL for a school you/your DC really want is very stressful. It was on my mind when we received offers that I wanted to contact the schools we knew we weren't going to accept as promptly as was possible. There will always be someone waiting and whilst some schools may not look at the waiting list until after national allocation day there will be some that start making contact with those on the waiting list.

It’s a big decision but releasing offers for schools you are definitely not considering would take some pressure of the system.

I say this as someone who has two waitlist offers for our favourite schools :)

People, please be kind. The stress feels to have overflowed today. Hopefully, the open days have been reassuring and questions all answered or helped to make the decision easier. DCs only need one school place. Keeping offers after you've made decisions is counterproductive. Children on WLs will feel the stresses of their parents and be feeling anxiety about their futures. As parents, we wouldn't want DCs agony of waiting to be prolonged, making them sad.

I've been on this (and historic) thread for 5yrs, watching, learning, being part of the preparation/exam agony, then trying to help with what I'd learnt. Today's exchanges haven't been supportive or generative, which is sad. You're all trying to make an important decision for your DCs future. At this stage, there's no bad decision. There's nothing to be gained by sniping at each other.

Deep breath. Be kind. Enjoy the weekend.

❤️

You’re right 😊

I don’t talk about the waitlist offers at home but I get asked every two or three days by my child - any news yet?

Happy Weekend

Just remember everyone, that children will make their own success. Whether they get in x school or y school, state or independent. IF they apply themselves and work hard, they will reach their potential. If they do not..then whether they are in this or that school, won't particularly and naturally make them into something they are not.

So strange that people don’t get this. It’s not a graduate job, even if it was plenty of people will crash after getting the best graduate jobs. People need to stop living vicariously through their kids 11+ offers and teach them values that will take them further than an 11+ exam

Indeed. Our children are not a younger us. If they are in an independent school, it really doesn’t mean they are better/ going to do better then child x. You would be surprised by the quality of lessons in some of the state schools compared to independent IF you ventured in. Does independent mean you or your child are superior or will do better in life? Potentially no. If you or your spouse earn enough to choose private - great, if that is what you choose to spend your money on then up to you. Are there many intelligent children out there whose parents cannot afford private? Yes. Or Who don’t think it necessary? Yes. Is private about prioritising education - no! That assumes that private far supercedes state- that is not correct. It might supercede in funds and equipment but the teachers train in the same pool. No the best ones do not ‘get to go private.’ That is not true. I read on here posters talking about independent parents ‘prioritise’ education. This is a very shallow and inaccurate mindset that could only be believed by the privileged and unknowing. People have their reasons for independent but let’s not be convinced by untruths. You are paying for smaller classes, less SEN and better resources. The rest… not true.

Just to add my DC is in a cricket team where half are Independent educated and half state (my child included). The majority of the inde kids failed their entrance exams to move on. My DC - state educated- was offered on the top school in terms of academic performance. The parents were there expecting it to create an open door- thousands in fees.

I agree with your first post, definitely. But your last comment on the second post caught my eye because it sounds like you're saying ALL parents who choose to send their children to Independent 'expect it create an open door..'- that isn't true either. I'm sure some parents expected that but others didn't-our DC moved to independent (and not a 'prep' indie) due to bullying at state (cohort issue, not saying it was because it was state - bullying can happen anywhere) and we couldn't get a place at any other states mid year but could at an indie, and were lucky enough that we can afford that.

Thank you for your reply- I wasn't saying ALL as I know absolutely that isn't the case. I was talking of the parents I know in the cricket team (most of those and not all). The assumed their child would automatically be fine for year 7. They paid their fees and sat back. It was an awful surprise that their DC's then did not pass the entrance exams to move on. My point (and I am not against independent at all and would like my DC to go to one near to us if poss), was that one should be careful of assuming that independent means success later and state does not.