Son won't attend tuition for 11 plus

[confusedinlondon]

My ds is refusing to attend tuition classes for the 11 plus. The first class was last week and he is refusing to attend any futher classes.
He is a bright, hardworking boy so his reaction has some as a slight surprise but he won't pass without the tuition.

I don't really know what to do and the exams are getting closer and closer. Any advice or suggestions

I agree.

The people marking the tests do not know whether your child has had tuition.

A little bit of parental help to understand verbal reasoning? Sure. But paid tuition is really not necessary for bright children.

In our area the 11+ covers all the topics on the ks2 maths curriculum. Unfortunately, due to covid and it only being the start of y6, they haven't covered it all yet. How can a kid do long division and bidmas without having been taught the topics? Being bright is not enough imho.

Plus, it's about competition really. If tutoring gets you 99/100 then the non tutored kid with a score of 98/100 might lose a place to them. If you want the school then tutoring gives them a better chance of getting in.

It is unfair though. Tutoring is a way of buying yourself a better education. However, why should I sacrifice my child's education because the government have created an unfair system? I want to do the best I can for them with the resources I've got, just like the parents who move next to an outstanding comp or the ones who pay for their kid to go to Eton.

Does he have to do 3 hours homework a week? Particularly now in Year 4 when he's only 8? Would he be willing to do 30 mins to start with and you could build up?

My DS had a 1:1 tutor for the last year for his 11 plus assessment - some weeks he was enthusiastic about the homework set, other times not so much - his tutor understood this and was helpful in terms of making the homework fun etc.

And I should add it was only about an hour if that a week - I found as time went on he did more but that was his choice.

I have twins who were tutored for the 11 plus - if he is as bright and hard working as you say he should not need to do a class plus 3hrs of homework. My twins 1-1 tutor gave them 30mins of homework each week and said if they can not pass on this amount than they are not suited for the pace of grammar school.
I agree with others if you can afford it 1-1 is better - a 1-1 means the tutor focuses on your child's weaknesses - a group has to cover everything as has to take into account everyone's weaknesses.

We used Atom for youngest dc. The online classes were good fun and the practice felt like games. Dc wouldn't have done homework either.

Mine also passed with no tuition…

What on earth is the point of grammars if the majority only get in with tuition? I thought they were supposed to select the brightest regardless of background? I live in London and can’t imagine putting my DD through so much stress and anxiety.

Same. Late test so I think this meant he actually needed to do better than those doing it on time as places had already been allocated (I think they then allow a few extra?) We got the call in May of year 6.

Can you honestly blame him? The lad works hard at school all day and then you want him to do extra work? Would you want to come home from your day at work only to do more work? Back off!

If he would rather be watching TV than studying, that needs to be taken away as an option.
Then DS would have just read a book. Take all the books away too?

OP's son is 8 or 9 years old. This is madness. He doesn't need to be forced to do 3-4 hours of extra homework just for a test he will take in over a year. Way to put kids off education.

I come from a very academic family, but torturing an 8-year-old with endless homework is not the way to get them to do well at school.

I take it you have nice compliant children then? How do you enforce that hours of extra (as he'll see it) unnecessary homework is done? Yes, you can remove all treats and luxuries, but the stubborn child will still dig in their child ... you can provide all the support to allow for study, but you can't actually make a child do it. Do you really want to spend hours every day in battle with your child? And d you want education to be seen as a thing that must be fought against?

The flip side of course is that you do have children that study just because they don't want to lose their TV watching (or whatever) and grow up in later life struggling to find self motivation (yes, I'm looking at myself here)

why are you imagining he has very little school homework? Maybe, like your DS he has the expectation of an hour a night already, so the extra hour makes it 2 hours a night (and there was a thread recently where many people thought that was too much on an every day basis for a GCSE student).
There are very few schools that won't be setting at least reading and spelling and some writing/maths work to do each week at this age. Plus potentially extended projects.

Lots of child abuse on this thread! Are Dc not allowed to be Dc? Move to a grammar county. Don’t try for super selectives. Let Dc have a normal childhood. If a child doesn’t want extra work at 8/9 years old I don’t bkdme them. More sensible than the parents!!

If all these children need all this tuition to pass the exam - how are they going to cope at a Grammar School ?

My DC were/are at high performing grammars. I am a firm believer that DC will only thrive in that type of environment if the drive comes from within themselves. We didn't tutor but that was obviously a personal choice. From my experience of two different schools of this sort, the DC who tended to leave/struggle/be unhappy in such very selective schools were the ones who were really pushed to get in the first place. Even with naturally bright children the work ethic just has to be there as it is just taken as a given from day one.

@DeLan
Mine didn’t. Prep time set by school and they had so many other life enriching things to do, DD1 got a top grades bar 2. I agree it comes from within but a fully rounded child needs a childhood and other activities. Not continual pressure from pushy parents.

Of course a fully rounded child needs a childhood and a range other activities. It is a big part of their development and every bit as important that hitting top grades. If the fit of a school is right for them, they should still have the time to maintain their other interests and hobbies throughout. Burnout is a real thing and balance is really important.

• as important as

@opoponax
I think the OP’s DS has a better idea of balance than his parents.

Can you find out what content won't be covered and just sit down with him for half an hour at a time. A bright kid will pick things up without hours of homework! That and some practise tests for familiarisation with the questions. Though I wouldn't be thinking about any of it until summer term of year 5.

The content not being covered at school may not even be a problem. DS learnt a lot of maths years early by watching YouTube and reading. Claims he knew order of operations in early primary but doesn't know where he learnt it.