Son won't attend tuition for 11 plus

[confusedinlondon]

My ds is refusing to attend tuition classes for the 11 plus. The first class was last week and he is refusing to attend any futher classes.
He is a bright, hardworking boy so his reaction has some as a slight surprise but he won't pass without the tuition.

I don't really know what to do and the exams are getting closer and closer. Any advice or suggestions

No hot yet. He is really only started this term so I don’t have an idea yet.

Hi yes in London

Hi mainly reputation and ofsted reports and gcse results.

This just isn't true. Depending on what type of exams they set, children need to be familiarised with how to approach NVR tests. Same with maths and English. If they are in a mixed ability class it wonptbe working to the highest ability levelso they'll need to develop. If they find tuition a real struggle then it's not right for them.But needing tuition per se is no indication they will find it all too hard.

@confusedinlondon I just had a look at the prices 😳 wow! I cannot imagine spending that much over the course of 3 years!

Go with your child on visits of the schools in question (the local state ones and the grammar / independent schools.
It will help him to see if there is a difference and if so, what makes them different.
3-4 hours a week is not a lot of those in year 5 and 6 but may be a bit much for year 3 and 4 students. Can you break up the work into 30 mins sections and sit with your child until it's done? Then he can play/ watch tv etc afterwards.

@confusedinlondon I do want to add, I do understand the 'pressure' you as a parent must be feeling.
For context, I didn't think about grammar schools until the last minute (so to speak), and was extremely overwhelmed by how much parents do after reading posts on Facebook groups. This whole regime and excessive preparation does seem a thing, but at the same time I read many posts on these groups about children crying/refusing and eventually some parents having to withdraw children from sitting the exams altogether. It's easy to push, but if you overdo it, your dc will burn out.

This was me last year, wondering whether I had done enough- just to show you there are some of us that will take it 'easy'

11+ http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4297106-11

Are you trying for selective or super selective? Have you asked his current school if he is a good fit for the schools you are trying for? Where does your son want to go?

My friends daughter got in SPGS and did nothing like 3 hours per week. We are not in London and it isnt so crazy round here, we did 1 hour tutoring per week and a little bit if homework in year 5, then lots of short tests and exercises in the summer holidays, yours seems very pressured!

If the current school think he is in with a decent chance then maybe try 121 tutoring and a bit if extra work at home per week. As if he really hates it now, when it ramps up later its going to be awful for all of you.

Also, have you actually looked at the local comps? you may find you are pleasantly surprised. Or as someone else said up thread, seeing all the options might cause him to pull his finger out.

I didn't want to go to a selective school and refused to do the 'tutoring'. The uniform was horrific and I wouldn't have been with any of my friends.

Also, our tutor (£20/25 per week, but as I said not in London), told all us parents that after a few weeks he would tell any families if he felt their child wasn't suited to GS, so that they didnt waste their time and money.

Tricky one. But am struggling to think of many places in London that have such dire secondary choices.

I don't think a tuition centre that sets 3-4 hours of homework a week sounds great. The value added sounds really low but they seem to be great at marketing. The whole point of paying for tuition is one-to-one provision

Also it is easy to get sucked into a vortex of "everyone tutors". They really don't. Not even in super selective areas.

That's not to say you shouldn't if your options are either move or apparently crap comprehensive. But just to urge critical thinking about the whole motion that everyone tutors.

If you live in an area of massive socioeconomic disparities, which I suspect you probably do, what tends to happen is the kids with highly motivated, aspirant parents, are often heavily tutored. The neighboring non-selective schools contain a skewed population of kids whose parents are less engaged for many reasons, who have decided against the cramming for personal or political reasons, who have special needs not catered to in the super selectives, or who haven't had many legs up in life.

You absolutely cannot compare the exam results of super selective and neighbouring schools. It's like comparing apples and pears.

@LittleMissGossip's link above seemed broken but this one may work?
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4297106-11?reply=109092063

(Or it might be that ending a thread title with a + breaks the url coding)

Have you been to see both options with him?
It might be an eye opening experience for him and persuade him effort is worthwhile, or for you in that non selective isn't hideous in which case save your money and the arguments.
Ultimately you can get him to do work by limiting everything else until he does but it would be a fairly miserable existence.

I don't blame him. He's 10, and three hours means nearly forty minutes a day on to of what his school gives him. That's a lot, and I fail to see how the 11+ requires that much. For how many months are you wanting him to do this?

In our area everyone has tutors. It’s unheard of for someone to pass without tuition. Those that do pass without tutors are probably less than 5%.

...and yet those in favour of grammar schools insist that they're levellers and give bright poorer kids a chance on life.

In reality they clearly widen the gap between middle class kids and kids from families who can't afford tutors.

It infuriates me that grammar schools still exist. The 11+ is entirely negative in my opinion. I know people of my age (mid 60s) who still feel the effects of being a failure at 10 years old. It's a wicked and cruel system.

We are not in a full grammar county, it's only a fraction of the kids and no distance criteria. Not sure if that makes a difference with regards to culture of the schools.

It was certainly expected that set work was done, but it wasn't two hours a night. Bright and gifted kids should be able to achieve good results with less work. I'd actually be concerned about the class teaching if too much was required after school.

OP, if he doesn’t want to do the work for 11 plus then he won’t fit into a private secondary or even a grammar. Because he’ll be expected to do the work there. And if he doesn’t, then he’ll struggle until 6th form at which point he won’t be given a place.

This is a sign that he’s not equipped for private or selective school.

It’s not a failing. It’s not for everyone.

Are you sure he won't pass without tuition? It wasn't an option for us (we couldn't afford it). DC is bright but lazy and had no interest in working through the workbooks we bought them, but did a couple of practice / past papers in the few weeks before the exam and sat the mock in the summer to get used to sitting a formal exam. They passed, easily.
If your child is bright enough to cope with grammar school, they should be able to pass without needing to be tutored. I certainly wouldn't want to make it a battle.

We gave ours big rewards for passing (latest Xbox). The youngest wanted to stop going to his tutor towards the end so we just bought the practice papers and helped him at home. But if they'd completely refused we wouldn't have forced it otherwise if as you say he couldn't pass without it and doesn't like to be pushed just imagine the issues you'd regularly have at secondary. Both of mine passed but the oldest chose a non grammar school in the end anyway! It's not everything.

This is not true for all grammars. There is doing their regular classwork and homework and then there is extra work. DS had no problems with the former and thrived at his grammar. He studied hard for his favorite subject and his weakest (English), got good results and could have gone on to sixth form if he hadn't chosen to go elsewhere for the facilities/options.

so GCSE results from 3 years ago? And Ofsted results from ??? That's not really a basis for making a decision. And if you're in a selective area, then the non-selective schools will naturally get worse results.

How old if your child anyway? If he's only in Year 3 or Year 4, perhaps you should just back away from the tutoring for a bit and see if he is more interested when he is older. Or just ask him to go to the tutor sessions and do whatever homework he can (3-4 hours is ridiculous)?

Thank you @FaazoHuyzeoSix

@confusedinlondon I just wanted to point out, recently a lot of grammars have been and are being downgraded after ofsted inspections (just to highlight the grammar and local comp may not be that different ofsted wise).

Find another tutor - one who is kind and fun! We used Tayberry.org.uk and DC looked forward to it every week. Forget those classes - boring and more school!

Is he in year 5 now or year 6? could you take him to an 11+ school open day and get him enthused about the facilities etc?

If he won't engage now, he's not going to love the extra demands of grammar school, is he?